BIG FAT HARAAM WEDDING WITHIN THE UMMAH
ASSEMBLED BY MALLAM ABBA ABANA, KUBWA, ABUJA, NIGERIA
http://variousislamicdawadocuments.blogspot.com
https://web.facebook.com/abba.abana
emails:gonidamgamiri@yahoo.com; abba.abana@gmail.com
(WHATSAPP +2348186961697)
Thurdsay 14th MUHARRAM 1442 AH AND 2nd SEPTEMBER 2020 CE
Bismillah Walhamdulillah Was Salaatu Was Salaam 'ala Rasulillah. As-Salaam Alaikum Wa-Rahmatullahi Wa-Barakatuhu.
Praise be to Allaah; we seek His help and His forgiveness. We seek refuge with Allaah from the evil of our own souls and from our bad deeds. Whomsoever Allaah guides will never be led astray, and whomsoever Allaah leaves astray, no one can guide. I bear witness that there is no god but Allaah, and I bear witness that Muhammad (Sallalhu alaihi Wasalam) is His slave and Messenger.
PREAMBLE
In Islam, men and women are required to dress modestly. Both sexes are gift from Allah and sexual relationships should be restricted to marriage only between a man and a woman. Meetings between unmarried couples are traditionally escorted pre-marriages. In the Qur’an, unmarried Muslims are warned against sex before marriage.
Abstract
With reference to the Nigerian Constitution where it guarantees the rights to have a family life, and freedom of religion, it recognizes three forms of marriage, which are acknowledged as distinct and separate from each other, namely
a) Customary marriage,
b) Islamic marriage, and
c) Statutory marriage.
While statutory marriage is required to be registered by law, there is no law necessitating the registration of customary or Islamic marriages.
The sanctity of marriage is a well-established standard globally, and matrimonial relationships are universally recognized and respected as a necessary prerequisite for the establishment of a legitimate family. Marriage is a social institution which is guided by the socio-cultural and religious norms in every society. Where a nation is populated by people of different ethnicities and religions, the recognition and application of different systems of law will naturally be required pertaining to their respective customs, and this reflects mostly in the forms of their ceremonies including marriage.
Nowhere does this ring truer than in Nigeria, Africa’s most populous country with an estimated population of 184 million people.
It is also one of the most ethnically diverse countries in the world with well over 250 ethno-linguistic groups, some of which are larger than many sovereign states in Africa.
Roughly half of the population in Nigeria is Muslim, followed by a large percentage of Christians, and a minority population of traditional religious practitioners and atheists.
In recent times, statutory marriage has gained popularity amongst Nigerians regardless of cultural or religious affiliations due to the protection it offers against socio-legal challenges such as the need to prove marriage for purposes of official transactions, increase in interfaith marriages, immigration, long distance marriages, protection against arbitrary divorce, etc. Thus, it is now common to find couples who may have contracted customary or Islamic marriage applying to contract statutory marriage, thereby engaging in multi-tiered contracts by combining marriages under different systems of law, and thus subjecting the regulation of their family life to multiple systems of law.
Islamic marriage, and Steps to consider before Marriage
In Nigeria we are populated by people of different ethnicities and religions, the recognition and application of different systems of law in the forms of ceremonies like marriage. Due to such different ethnicities, many Muslims are indirectly involved in borrowing other customs as if allowed in Islam! We should know that the act of marriage is an important part of the Muslim religion, and finding the right soul mate is necessary for any Muslim man or Muslim woman.
Marriage is held in very high regard in the Muslim culture and it is not something to be taken lightly.
Finding the right man or woman to spend the rest of your life with is the most important thing you can do as evident in this verse "Women of purity are for men of purity, and men of purity are for women of purity” (Quran Chapter 24:26)
Marriage remains a powerful institution in Islam, Those who follow the Qur’an faithfully and obey Islamic law know precisely why it is very important to select a very good spouse as a bad spouse can not only ruin a family but can ruin a generation or the society in General.
The choice of a marriage partner is one of the most important decisions a person will make in his or her lifetime. It should not be taken lightly, nor left to chance or hormones. It should be taken as seriously as any other major decision in life - with prayer, careful investigation, and of course family involvement.
In this vein, here are few steps we should take before considering our marriage i.e. to be wife and husband
1. Educate Ourselves
a) Learn about the etiquette of seeking a spouse, what is permissible to do and what is impermissible
b) Research what type of meaningful questions to ask
c) Learn about your responsibilities and rights over each other (as husband/wife)
d) Find out the Sunnah acts of marriage and romance (there are beautiful examples from the Seerah)
e) Pay the Islamic Bookshop a visit for reading material on this chapter in life
2. Decide On Desired Characteristics
a. Make a list of characteristics you want your spouse to have; keep in mind that you are not perfect and cannot expect your spouse to be for we are reminded in many Ahadith that what we perceive as a disliked quality may be good for us
b. Recognize traits or values that he/she must have and also areas that you are willing to compromise, no one is perfect!
c. Review this list and make sure it is realistic and reflect on your own self, what qualities do you have to offer?
3. Consider a Potential Spouse
a. Consult trusted friends, family, the local mosque for help
b. Hold meetings in the presence of a Wali (guardian)
c. Ensure you or your family speak to this prospective partner’s close friends and family to gain a complete and truthful insight into the person
d. Reflect upon his/her character traits, values, expectations, goals/dreams, and your compatibility in this respect
4. Pray Istikhara (The Guidance Prayer)
a. Pray Istikhara for counsel, guidance and make Du’a
b. Consult family and friends and take good advice
c. Seek your parents approval and blessing, a really important factor to ensure they agree with your decision
Finally, having come this long way – Place your trust in Allah when you have made your decision, and in Shaa Allah it will be the start of a productive chapter of your lives.
Problems of Displeasing Allah [Subhanahu Wa Taala] Before Marriage.
In order to get married many of us get tempted to do things, which will displease Allah [Subhanahu Wa Taala] by borrowing other customs and cultures or religions:-
a) In order to find the right person we may date or go to mixed weddings and not wear hijaab to attract a potential suitor or choose not to wear hijaab on the wedding day.
b) We may date our fiancée before the wedding or we may waste money on things which aren’t needed like the ice swan, the water feature, the expensive orchids and the circus acrobat.
c) We may have music with a dance floor.
d) We may have ceremonies [customs], which are not in our religion but are borrowed from other religions or shirk format.
e) We may order a banquet fit [hotel] for a king for catering, but we waste most of the food.
But if we really understood how much every detail of happiness is in Allah's [Subhanahu Wa Taala] control, we would choose Allah [Subhanahu Wa Taala] over our own desires and Allah [Subhanahu Wa Taala] over the desires of His creation.
“…and to Him return all affairs (for decision). So worship Him (O Muhammad [Sallalahu Alaihi Wa Salaam]) and put your trust in Him. And your Lord is not unaware of what you (people) do." (Quran Surah 11 v123)
We need to understand that every relationship, including that which is created through marriage, is only from Allah [Subhanahu Wa Taala].
“And it is He Who has created man from water, and has appointed for him kindred by blood, and kindred by marriage. And your Lord is Ever All-Powerful to do what He wills.” (S25v54)
So who our in-laws will be and therefore how they will treat us is in the hands of Allah [Subhanahu Wa Taala].
Understand that your husband has been created only by Allah [Subhanahu Wa Taala] as a Libaas (a body cover or clothing).
“It is made lawful for you to have sexual relations with your wives on the night of As-Saum (the fasts). They are Lîbaas for you and you are the same for them.” (Quran Surah 2v187)
Why did Allah [Subhanahu Wa Taala] use the word "libaas" to describe this relationship between a husband and a wife?
If we think about it, libaas or clothing has so many functions, which can be extrapolated also to the relationship between a husband and a wife.
Importance of Clothing [libaas]:
1) Covers our modesty
2) Beautifies us
3) Complements us
4) Protects us from the environment
5) Gives us comfort
6) Gives us honour/humility
7) Gives us confidence
8) Hides our faults
9) Fits us perfectly
Similarly, not only will Allah [Subhanahu Wa Taala] provide us with a husband but also someone who fits us perfectly.
We need to understand that only Allah [Subhanahu Wa Taala] will place affection and mercy between us and our husbands. Why does Allah [Subhanahu Wa Taala] mention affection (muwaddat) and why not “old fashioned love” (muhabbat)? Because muwaddat is love which is expressed. Someone may love someone else but may not show that person that they do by constantly hurting their feelings or by offending them. Muwaddat is the love that when expressed enables the person to be concerned for your welfare, to worry about you, to look after you when you need it.
“And among His Signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect.” (Quran Surah 30v21)
So if we understand the above then we will place our trust in Allah [Subhanahu Wa Taala] in every way.
We place our trust in Allah [Subhanahu Wa Taala] that He will provide us with in-laws who we get along with and who love and respect us and it is not our ability to speak their language, to compromise our values for them, nor our family’s support that will achieve this.
We place our trust in Allah [Subhanahu Wa Taala] that He will provide us with a husband who is created perfectly for us and who pleases us in every way and it is not our ability to look dazzling without hijaab in a crowded room to catch men’s attention, or dating many men that will achieve this.
We place our trust in Allah [Subhanahu Wa Taala] that He will place affection and mercy between our husband and us and it is not our youth or our beauty, education or sense of humour or our similar interests or similarity in background that will achieve this.
If Allah [Subhanahu Wa Taala] is the only one who can put so much love and mercy between us and our husband and provide us with a perfect husband and provide us with perfect in-laws, then we need to only ask Allah [Subhanahu Wa Taala] for happiness in our future lives.
“And to Allâh belongs the Ghaib (unseen) of the heavens and the earth, and to Him return all affairs (for decision). So worship Him (O Muhammad [Sallalahu Alaihi Wa Salaam]) and put your trust in Him. And your Lord is not unaware of what you (people) do." (Quran Surah 11v123)
Instead we will call and rely upon others for our happiness. Instead we rely upon ourselves for our happiness. We rely upon our families, our beauty, our youth, our education, our family’s social standing in the community, our job...we even start to rely upon our husbands to make it work and make us happy etc.
“O mankind! A similitude has been coined, so listen to it (carefully): Verily! Those on whom you call besides Allâh, cannot create (even) a fly, even though they combine together for the purpose. And if the fly snatched away a thing from them, they would have no power to release it from the fly. So weak are (both) the seeker and the sought. They have not estimated Allâh His Rightful Estimate; Verily, Allâh is All-Strong, All-Mighty.” (Quran Surah 22v73-74)
Not only will we call and rely upon others, we will disobey Allah (subhaana wa tala) to please others. To please our families, our future husband and future in-laws we will talk to our fiancée alone, have a mixed wedding, have music and dancing at the event, not wear Hijaab in front of non-mahrum men, waste money in lavish extras etc. We get so carried away ourselves in making our wedding the ultimate example to follow and envy by our guests that we displease Him - Ar-Rahmaan who gave us this day to celebrate in the first place.
"Some people set up equals with Allah, loving them as they should love Allah. But those with faith have greater love for Allah." (Quran Surah 2v165)
Instead we should fear Allah [Subhanahu Wa Taala] who gave us this day, this person, this new family. If we displease Him, just as He gave something so wanted by us He will take it away from us or place in it unhappiness for us.
“Whatever of good reaches you, is from Allâh, but whatever of evil befalls you, is from yourself.” (Quran Surah 4v79)
If we do not fear Allah [Subhanahu Wa Taala] and with humbleness turn to Allah [Subhanahu Wa Taala] and ask His forgiveness and if we do not obey Allah then the fate of those before us will be our fate:
“…But their hearts became hardened, and Shaitân (Satan) made fair seeming to them that which they used to do. So, when they forgot (the warning) with which they had been reminded, We opened to them the gates of every (pleasant) thing, until in the midst of their enjoyment in that which they were given, all of a sudden, We took them to punishment, and lo! They were plunged into destruction with deep regrets and sorrows. So the roots of the people who did wrong were cut off. And all the praises and thanks be to Allâh, the Lord of the 'Alamîn (mankind, jinns, and all that exists).” (Quran Surah 6v43-5)
The frightening thing about the above verse of the Quran is that Allah (subhanahu wa ta'ala) gave these people everything that they desired and it was then that Allah [Subhanahu Wa Taala] punished them by taking it away from them. This is worse than never having something and it being kept away from you because you don’t know what you are missing out on. We need to be careful that we don’t forget Allah in our happiness and contentment. And it will not matter if we picked and chose from our religion some aspects that we obeyed Allah [Subhanahu Wa Taala] on and disobeyed Allah [Subhanahu Wa Taala] on other aspects:
“Then do you believe in a part of the Scripture and reject the rest? Then what is the recompense of those who do so among you, except disgrace in the life of this world, and on the Day of Resurrection they shall be consigned to the most grievous torment. And Allâh is not unaware of what you do. Those are they who have bought the life of this world at the price of the Hereafter. Their torment shall not be lightened nor shall they be helped.” (Quran Surah 2v85-6)
We need to obey Allah [Subhanahu Wa Taala] in all aspects of our religion; on all that Allah [Subhanahu Wa Taala] asked us to do in the Qur’an and in the commands of the Prophet (may the peace and blessings of Allah be upon him). Instead we should fear Allah [Subhanahu Wa Taala] so that if anything, Allah [Subhanahu Wa Taala] will provide us with the best.
“And whosoever fears Allâh and keeps his duty to Him, He will make a way for him to get out (from every difficulty). And He will provide him from (sources) he never could imagine. And whosoever puts his trust in Allâh then He will suffice him. Verily, Allâh will accomplish his purpose. Indeed Allâh has set a measure for all things.” (Quran Surah 65v2-3)
Having fear of Allah is what will give you blessings from Allah. Blessings with respect to love and mercy between your husband and you, righteous and pious children, a high status with respect to the people in your community and on the Day of Judgement in front of Allah [Subhanahu Wa Taala].
“And if the people of the towns had believed and had the Taqwâ (fear of Allah), certainly, We should have opened for them blessings from the heaven and the earth, but they belied (the Messengers). So We took them (with punishment) for what they used to earn.” (Quran Surah 7v96)
Summary
Having fear of Allah is what will give you blessings from Allah - Allah will almost rip the heavens and the earth apart to give you these - from every direction. It was Taqwah which gave Mohammad (peace be upon him) the ability to return to Makkah when he and his followers had initially been driven out of Makkah for preaching and practicing Islam. It was Taqwah which led Muslims to being pioneers in the fields of astronomy, mathematics, medicine, physics, architecture etc. It was Taqwah which led to Yusuf (alayhisaalaam) becoming the financial Minister of Egypt.
And it will be Taqwah which will lead one to have happiness with her husband, in laws, children, community, etc. Allah Willing.
Sources
http://idealmuslimah.com/family/beforemarriage/1633-my-big-fat-haraam-wedding.html
https://www.pulse.ng/communities/religion/ask-the-sheikh-is-dating-allowed-before-marriage-in-islam/pmvcw1j
https://qa.islam.com/s/14584/how_wrong_is_a_premarital_relation_and_why#gsc.tab=0
No comments:
Post a Comment