Kindness to the Wife
ASSEMBLED BY MALLAM ABBA ABANA, KUBWA, ABUJA, NIGERIA
http://variousislamicdawadocuments.blogspot.com
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emails:gonidamgamiri@yahoo.com; abba.abana@gmail.com
Saturday 12th Muharram 1442 AH and 21st August 2021 CE
Reminder on Family Matters - Kindness to the Wife
Bismillah Walhamdulillah Was Salaatu Was Salaam 'ala Rasulillah. As-Salaam Alaikum WA-Rahmatullahi Wa-Barakatuhu.
Praise be to Allaah; we seek His help and His forgiveness. We seek refuge with Allaah from the evil of our own souls and from our bad deeds. Whomsoever Allaah guides will never be led astray, and whomsoever Allaah leaves astray, no one can guide. I bear witness that there is no god but Allaah, and I bear witness that Muhammad (ﷺ) is His slave and Messenger.
Help us Answer the Ummah! Every second, everywhere someone needs an answer. The Prophet (ﷺ) said: “A person who leads others to doing what is good will earn the same reward as those who do it.” (Muslim, 1893).
وَلَا تَهِنُواْ وَلَا تَحۡزَنُواْ وَأَنتُمُ ٱلۡأَعۡلَوۡنَ إِن كُنتُم مُّؤۡمِنِينَ (١٣٩)
“Do not lose hope, nor be sad. You will surely be victorious if you are true in Faith.” And do not mix the truth with falsehood or conceal the truth while you know [it].” [Holy Quran Chapter Al Imran Ayah 139]
إِن يَنصُرۡكُمُ ٱللَّهُ فَلَا غَالِبَ لَكُمۡۖ وَإِن يَخۡذُلۡكُمۡ فَمَن ذَا ٱلَّذِى يَنصُرُكُم مِّنۢ بَعۡدِهِۦۗ وَعَلَى ٱللَّهِ فَلۡيَتَوَكَّلِ ٱلۡمُؤۡمِنُونَ (١٦٠)
“If Allah should aid you, no one can overcome you; but if He should forsake you, who is there that can aid you after Him? And upon Allah let the believers rely.”
[Holy Quran Chapter Imran Ayah 160]
Preamble
Kindness to the Wife is pure family setup [future generations] - Nourishment of the Soul and so produced herewith the pattern of existing sermon [khutubat] from our Jummat Imams helping Muslims brothers and sisters to understand the Deen.
يَـٰٓأَيُّہَا ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُواْ ٱتَّقُواْ ٱللَّهَ حَقَّ تُقَاتِهِۦ وَلَا تَمُوتُنَّ إِلَّا وَأَنتُم مُّسۡلِمُونَ (١٠٢)
Holy Quran Chapter Al Imran 3. 102: O you who believe! Fear Allah as He should be feared, and die not except in a state of Islam.
Oh people:
All Praise is due to Allah the Knowing Creator.
هُوَ ٱلَّذِى خَلَقَكُم مِّن نَّفۡسٍ۬ وَٲحِدَةٍ۬ وَجَعَلَ مِنۡہَا زَوۡجَهَا لِيَسۡكُنَ إِلَيۡہَاۖ فَلَمَّا تَغَشَّٮٰهَا حَمَلَتۡ حَمۡلاً خَفِيفً۬ا فَمَرَّتۡ بِهِۦۖ فَلَمَّآ أَثۡقَلَت دَّعَوَا ٱللَّهَ رَبَّهُمَا لَٮِٕنۡ ءَاتَيۡتَنَا صَـٰلِحً۬ا لَّنَكُونَنَّ مِنَ ٱلشَّـٰكِرِينَ (١٨٩)
Holy Quran Chapter Al Araf 7.189- It is He who created you from one soul and created from it its mate that he might dwell in security with her.
We praise Him with the praise of the grateful. And we seek His forgiveness with the atonement of the repentant. And we ask Him from His great favor. For He is the Most magnanimous, Most Generous. The Beneficent, the Merciful. Allah made the affection between spouses as a sign of His Lordship and Godship.
وَمِنۡ ءَايَـٰتِهِۦۤ أَنۡ خَلَقَ لَكُم مِّنۡ أَنفُسِكُمۡ أَزۡوَٲجً۬ا لِّتَسۡكُنُوٓاْ إِلَيۡهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيۡنَڪُم مَّوَدَّةً۬ وَرَحۡمَةًۚ إِنَّ فِى ذَٲلِكَ لَأَيَـٰتٍ۬ لِّقَوۡمٍ۬ يَتَفَكَّرُونَ (٢١)
Holy Quran Chapter Ar Room 30.21: And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought?
His Prophet ﷺ was best of people towards the people. And the most conscious of Allah Almighty. And the most genuine in advising. And the best towards his family. And he urged establishing good marital relations. And safeguarding the rights. And fulfilling the obligations. And bearing responsibilities.
So be conscious of Allah Almighty. And fulfill the rights and beware of shortchanging them. For fulfillment tomorrow will be from the good deeds or bad deeds.
كُلُّ نَفۡسِۭ بِمَا كَسَبَتۡ رَهِينَةٌ (٣٨)
Holy Quran Chapter Al Mudather 74.38: Every soul, for what it has earned, will be retained.
And the Prophet ﷺ said: Rights will be given to their due, such that the hornless sheep would get its claim from the horned sheep. [Muslim 2582]
Allah established the relationship between the two spouses based on affection and mercy. Thus each one is a source of tranquility, relief and a cover for the other. Sharing private matters, safeguarding secrets, protecting each other’s interests in their absence, bringing good to one another and warding off harm from one another. This is the basic principle in marriage. So when the situation turns to plotting and deception and striving to harm one another, this becomes contrary to the purpose of marriage. Then parting ways in a good manner is better than incurring sins.
And considering that the decision to divorce rests with the husband and that he is stronger than the woman, his harming her is more serious than her harming him. That is why the Prophet ﷺ emphasized preserving the rights of the woman. And the prohibition in the Quranic verses against harming is directed to men and not to women.
And there are many incidents of husbands harming wives whether they are knowledgeable or ignorant of it. And harming the wife has multiple forms.
From the forms of harming the wife, is for the husband to retain her while he does not really want her. And he does not fulfill her rights that are due upon him. And he forces her to relieve herself through khulu’ (she initiates divorce and relinquishes the dowry). And this is not done except by the most despicable of men. They exploit their strength over women. Allah Almighty said in this regard:
يَـٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُواْ لَا يَحِلُّ لَكُمۡ أَن تَرِثُواْ ٱلنِّسَآءَ كَرۡهً۬اۖ وَلَا تَعۡضُلُوهُنَّ لِتَذۡهَبُواْ بِبَعۡضِ مَآ ءَاتَيۡتُمُوهُنَّ إِلَّآ أَن يَأۡتِينَ بِفَـٰحِشَةٍ۬ مُّبَيِّنَةٍ۬ۚ وَعَاشِرُوهُنَّ بِٱلۡمَعۡرُوفِۚ فَإِن كَرِهۡتُمُوهُنَّ فَعَسَىٰٓ أَن تَكۡرَهُواْ شَيۡـًٔ۬ا وَيَجۡعَلَ ٱللَّهُ فِيهِ خَيۡرً۬ا ڪَثِيرً۬ا (١٩)
Holy Quran Chapter An Nisa 4.19: And do not make difficulties for them in order to take [back] part of what you gave them unless they commit a clear immorality [i.e., adultery].
Ibn Abbas (may Allah be pleased with him) said in interpreting this verse that it pertains to a man who harms a wife whose companionship he hates so that she seeks to get out of the marriage by forgoing the mahr (dowry) that he owes her.
And the basic principle is that the woman owns the mahr (dowry) that the husband gave her. And it is not permissible for him to take it back. Except if she is at fault. And if she is the one who hates her husband. And in that regard is Allah Almighty’s words:
ٱلطَّلَـٰقُ مَرَّتَانِۖ فَإِمۡسَاكُۢ بِمَعۡرُوفٍ أَوۡ تَسۡرِيحُۢ بِإِحۡسَـٰنٍ۬ۗ وَلَا يَحِلُّ لَڪُمۡ أَن تَأۡخُذُواْ مِمَّآ ءَاتَيۡتُمُوهُنَّ شَيۡـًٔا إِلَّآ أَن يَخَافَآ أَلَّا يُقِيمَا حُدُودَ ٱللَّهِۖ فَإِنۡ خِفۡتُمۡ أَلَّا يُقِيمَا حُدُودَ ٱللَّهِ فَلَا جُنَاحَ عَلَيۡہِمَا فِيمَا ٱفۡتَدَتۡ بِهِۦۗ تِلۡكَ حُدُودُ ٱللَّهِ فَلَا تَعۡتَدُوهَاۚ وَمَن يَتَعَدَّ حُدُودَ ٱللَّهِ فَأُوْلَـٰٓٮِٕكَ هُمُ ٱلظَّـٰلِمُونَ (٢٢٩)
Holy Quran Chapter Al Baqarah 2.229: And it is not lawful for you to take anything of what you have given them unless both fear that they will not be able to keep [within] the limits of Allah. But if you fear that they will not keep within] the limits of Allah, then there is no blame upon either of them concerning that by which she ransoms herself. These are the limits of Allah, so do not transgress them. And whoever transgresses the limits of Allah – it is those who are the wrongdoers [i.e., the unjust].
And it is the acceptable khulu’ (divorce requested by wife) in which the wife dislikes her husband due to his appearance or character or religion and she fears that she will not be able to obey Allah Almighty regarding him.
And from the forms of harming the wife is to prolong her waiting period. That is, he divorces her because he does not want her. Then when the waiting period is almost over he takes her back to agonize her or to extract her wealth or for some other despicable purpose. And the people in the pre-Islamic era used to do this. So Allah Almighty sternly prohibited this as indicated in the verse:
وَإِذَا طَلَّقۡتُمُ ٱلنِّسَآءَ فَبَلَغۡنَ أَجَلَهُنَّ فَأَمۡسِكُوهُنَّ بِمَعۡرُوفٍ أَوۡ سَرِّحُوهُنَّ بِمَعۡرُوفٍ۬ۚ وَلَا تُمۡسِكُوهُنَّ ضِرَارً۬ا لِّتَعۡتَدُواْۚ وَمَن يَفۡعَلۡ ذَٲلِكَ فَقَدۡ ظَلَمَ نَفۡسَهُ ۥۚ وَلَا تَتَّخِذُوٓاْ ءَايَـٰتِ ٱللَّهِ هُزُوً۬اۚ وَٱذۡكُرُواْ نِعۡمَتَ ٱللَّهِ عَلَيۡكُمۡ وَمَآ أَنزَلَ عَلَيۡكُم مِّنَ ٱلۡكِتَـٰبِ وَٱلۡحِكۡمَةِ يَعِظُكُم بِهِۦۚ وَٱتَّقُواْ ٱللَّهَ وَٱعۡلَمُوٓاْ أَنَّ ٱللَّهَ بِكُلِّ شَىۡءٍ عَلِيمٌ۬ (٢٣١)
Holy Quran Chapter Al Baqarah 2.231: And when you divorce women and they have [nearly] fulfilled their term, either retain them according to acceptable terms or release them according to acceptable terms, and do not keep them, intending harm, to transgress [against them]. And whoever does that has certainly wronged himself. And do not take the verses of Allah in jest.
And a form of harming the wife is to keep her in limbo. So he neither retains her fulfilling her rights nor does he divorce her so that she can marry someone else. Especially if she stays silent about her situation due to her weakness or the absence of her family or her not having a supporter. And there are women who stay in limbo for years and rather decades. So her life is wasted by being in limbo. And she will be counted as married while in reality she does not have a husband.
And from the forms of harming the wife is to deny her rights of financial support, housing and marital relations. So he turns her – for what she needs in terms of financial support – to someone else. And he is responsible for her. And the Prophet ﷺ said:
It is sufficient sin for a man that he neglects those whom he is responsible for sustaining. [Abu Dawud 1692]
And his falling short in regard to intimate relations opens the gates of the haram (forbidden) for her. So if he desires her, he should give her her rights. And if he does not desire her, then he should release her with good treatment so that Allah Almighty can bestow her with another husband who will give her her rights. Rather, if he had forsaken intimate relations with her for the sake of worship, he would have been disobedient to Allah and fallen short regarding her rights. And the Prophet ﷺ disapproved of Uthman bin Mathoon’s (may Allah be pleased with him) neglecting and falling short in his wife’s rights. And he ﷺ said to him:
Be conscious of Allah, Uthman, your wife has a right on you. [Abu Dawood 1369]
And Salman Al Faarisi disapproved of Abu Darda’s (may Allah be pleased with them both) striving in worship and neglecting his wife’s rights and said to him:
Indeed your Lord has a right upon you, your self has a right upon you, and your family has a right upon you. So give each the right they are due. Then the Prophet ﷺ said: Salman has told the truth. [Bukhari 6139]
And Omar bin Shabbah narrated from Al Shabee that Kaab bin Soor was sitting with Omar bin Khattab and a woman came and said: Oh leader of the faithful, I have never seen a man better than my husband. By Allah he spends his nights in prayer and his days in fasting. So Omar supplicated to Allah to forgive her and then he praised her. Then the woman became bashful and got up and left. Then Kaab said: Oh Leader of the Faithful:
Did you sow enmity between the woman and her husband? Omar responded: In what way? Kaab replied: She came to complain about him. If he worships in this manner, then when will he have time for her? So Omar sent for her husband. When he came he said to Kaab: Judge between them, for you understood from her matter what I did not understand. Kaab said: I see that it is as if he has three other wives and she is the fourth. So I decree that he has three nights and days to worship and she has a full day and night. So Omar responded: By Allah, your first conclusion is not more astonishing to me than your second one, I appoint you as a Judge over the people of Basra. And in another narration. Then Omar said: You are a good judge. Ibn Qudamah (may Allah have mercy upon him) said: Intimate relations with one’s wife are obligatory for the man if does not have an excuse.
And from the forms of harming the wife is to perform the forbidden with her. Especially if he compels her in that regard. Such as intercourse during menstruation or in her rear. For he harms her physically just as he harms her religion. And it is not permissible for her to obey him in a forbidden matter. And Allah Almighty said:
وَيَسۡـَٔلُونَكَ عَنِ ٱلۡمَحِيضِۖ قُلۡ هُوَ أَذً۬ى فَٱعۡتَزِلُواْ ٱلنِّسَآءَ فِى ٱلۡمَحِيضِۖ وَلَا تَقۡرَبُوهُنَّ حَتَّىٰ يَطۡهُرۡنَۖ فَإِذَا تَطَهَّرۡنَ فَأۡتُوهُنَّ مِنۡ حَيۡثُ أَمَرَكُمُ ٱللَّهُۚ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ يُحِبُّ ٱلتَّوَّٲبِينَ وَيُحِبُّ ٱلۡمُتَطَهِّرِينَ (٢٢٢)
Holy Quran Chapter Al Baqarah 2.222: And they ask you about menstruation. Say, “It is harm, so keep away from wives during menstruation. And do not approach them until they are pure. And when they have purified themselves, then come to them from where Allah has ordained for you. Indeed, Allah loves those who are constantly repentant and loves those who purify themselves.”
And it was related in the Hadith:
Cursed is the one who has intercourse with a woman in her rear. [Abu Dawood 2162]
So Husbands must be conscious and mindful of Allah Almighty with regards to their wives and discharging their rights. For the Prophet ﷺ enjoined kind treatment of them in the farewell Hajj saying:
I enjoin good treatment of women, for they are captives with you. [Ibn Majah 1513]
That is she is confined by the marital constraints. And the Prophet ﷺ repeated this advice particularly in his last days. And it is a binding commandment for all Muslims.
I say what you have heard and I seek forgiveness from Allah for me and you from every sin. So seek forgives from Him, Verily He is Oft-Forgiving, the Most Merciful.
A man is obliged to learn the rights that are due upon him for his wife. So that he does not unknowingly harm her. And how many a husband is immersed in sin and injustice regarding his interactions with his wife, and he thinks that he is just, fair and kind? And the reason for that is ignorance about the rights and thinking too well of oneself. And the believer always returns to the truth. Even if truth comes to him from somebody else. Whether a son, wife or sister. For he looks at the truth and does not look at the one saying it. And this is the one who is saved from wrong doing and losing other’s rights.
What Are The Rights Of The And Husband And Wife In Islam
The rights of the wife alone:
1. Financial Rights
a) The Mahr (dowry). Before marriage normally 100%
b) Spending i.e. Feeding throughout
c) Clothing i.e. resource availability
d) Accommodation i.e. Shelter and housing availability
2. Non-Financial Rights
a) Fair treatment of co-wives. (applicable to polygamy)
b) Kind treatment.
c) Not harming one’s wife.
d) Education and Islamic Deen/Tarbiya
e)
Sex and Beddings
The Duties Of Women (Wife) – Others
1. The Purpose of Marriage (Holy Quran 30.21)
2. Living with Husband
3. Kindness
4. The Husband's Respect
5. Complaints and Grievances
6. Pleasant Dispositions
7. Wrong Expectations
8. Be a Comfort for Your Husband
9. Be Appreciative
10. Do not Look for Shortcomings
11. Don't Look at Anyone Other Than Your Husband
12. Islamic Hijab
13. Forgive Your Husband's Mistakes
14. Coping with Your Husband's Relatives
15. Coping With Your Husband's Job
16. If You Have to Live Away From Your Hometown (different location)
17. If Your Husband Works at Home (same town)
18. Help Your Husband to Make Progress
19. Be Careful That He is Not Misled
20. Suspicious Women
21. Do Not Pay Attention to Slanderous Talks
22. The Satisfaction of Your Husband and Not Your Mother
23. Be Clean and Beautiful at Home Also
24. Be a Mother to Him (i.e. when he is sick)
25. Keep the Secrets
26. Accept His Management
27. Be Resourceful when Times are Hard
28. Do not Refuse to Talk and do not Sulk (Temper)
29. Remain Silent when he is Angry
30. Men's Hobbies (identify his hobbies)
31. Housekeeping
32. Cleanliness
33. A Tidy House
34. Preparing Food
35. Receiving Guests
36. The Trustee of the House
37. Careers of women (wife is caring indeed)
38. Do not Waste your Spare Time
39. Motherhood (Caring for Children)
40. Nutrition and Hygiene
Basic Rights Of Wives According To Quran And Hadith
The Holy Prophet (Sallalahu Alaihi Wa Salaam) once said, “Such a woman when her husband sees her; she should please him and when her husband orders her, she should obey him and she should not adopt a manner about her chastity and property which should displace her husband”.
The Hadith proves the importance of a husband in the wives’ world, but Islam also tells us the importance and rights of the wives in the husbands’ lives.
Here are some of the rights taken from a reliable Islamic studies book:
1. A husband should help his wife in domestic affairs
2. A husband should selflessly devote himself towards his wife, giving her unconditional love
3. A wife has the right to take Khula (separation) from her husband
4. A woman can remarry after her divorce, or at the death of her husband
5. A husband should not lack in praising the qualities of his wife, in front of her, and in front of others
6. Every husband is responsible for providing his wife with food, clothing and shelter
7. A wife can spend her own earned money without taking permission from the husband or even telling him. ‘’A woman is not a commodity or a toy of amusement but a real partner to man who has rights of her own and deserves utmost respects’’.
8. Women do not have to change their name after marriage
9. A wife should be supplied with proper articles for her adornment and embellishment
10. A husband has no right to stop his wife from visiting her parents’ house or close family, or to keep her at home for no due reason
11. Even though men spend most of their time outside the house, they are cordially obliged to help raise the children with the wife
Thus proven, Islam gives women enough rights as a religion, it is then up to us, as men, to further their rights and help them attain the level of equality they deserve – because it is they who bear much trouble to make our lives happier and more comfortable.
What Are The Rights Of The Husband Over His Wife
These rights include:
(a)The obligation of obedience.
(b) Making herself available to her husband.
(c) Not admitting anyone whom the husband dislikes.
(d) Not going out of the house except with the husband’s permission.
(e) Discipline.
(f) The wife serving her husband.
(g) Submitting herself to him.
(h) The wife should treat her husband in a good manner
The Duties Of Men (Husband) – Others
1. The Guardian of the Family
2. Taking Care of Wife
3. Be Loving towards Her
4. Respect Your Wife
5. Be Well-mannered
6. Stop Complaining Unnecessarily
7. Avoid Picking up Quarrels
8. Appease Her and Sympathize with Her
9. Do not pick up Faults
10. Do not Pay Attention to Slanderous Talk of the Critics
11. Overlook Her Mistakes
12. Be Attentive
13. The Disciplinary Rights of the Husband
14. Suspicious Men
15. The Unfaithful Woman
16. Do not Go After Other Women
17. Be Grateful
18. Be Clean at Home Also
19. Nurse Your Wife
20. Family Economy
21. Extend Your Help in the Household Works
22. Return Home Soon
23. Be Faithful
24. Education and Training
25. Having A Child
26. Pregnancy and Childbirth
27. Assistance in Bringing up Children
28. The Major Obstacle in Settling down Disagreements
29. Divorce the last resort
To our married brothers:
Sit
down with your wife and calculate or check your and her shortcomings and
correct them before the Day you will never correct it. Simple test but very
hard. Some points are relevant while others in some areas not important. Why?
They will say cultural methodology and conflict with religion.
Oh Allah, grant us knowledge of our religion and acting upon it. Make us among those who properly discharge all the rights due upon us. Indeed, you are All Hearing, Answering.
I conclude with this and send prayers of blessings and peace upon your Prophet as your Lord commanded:
إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ وَمَلَـٰٓٮِٕڪَتَهُ ۥ يُصَلُّونَ عَلَى ٱلنَّبِىِّۚ يَـٰٓأَيُّہَا ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُواْ صَلُّواْ عَلَيۡهِ وَسَلِّمُواْ تَسۡلِيمًا (٥٦)
Holy Quran Chapter Al Ahzaab 33.56: Indeed, Allah confers blessing upon the Prophet, and His angels [ask Him to do so]. O you who have believed, ask [ Allah to confer] blessing upon him and ask [ Allah to grant him] peace.
O Allah, guide us with those whom You have guided, grant us well-being among those You have granted well-being, be an ally to us along with those whom You are an ally to, and bless what You have bestowed upon us, and save us from the evil of what You have decreed. For verily You decree and none can decree over You. He whom You support can never be humiliated. Glory is to You, our Lord, You are Blessed and Exalted.
O Allah, We ask You for all that is good, in this world and in the Hereafter, what we know and what we do not know. O Allah, we seek refuge with You from all evil, in this world and in the Hereafter, what we know and what we do not know. O Allah, we ask You for the good that Your servant and Prophet has asked You for, and we seek refuge with You from the evil from which Your servant and Prophet sought refuge. O Allah, we ask You for Paradise and for that which brings one closer to it, in word and deed, and we seek refuge in You from Hell and from that which brings one closer to it, in word and deed. And we ask You to make every decree that You decree concerning us good
Indeed, Allah orders justice and good conduct and giving to relatives and forbids immorality and bad conduct and oppression. He admonishes you that perhaps you will be reminded.
Remember Allah, the Great – He will remember you. Thank Him for His favors – He will increase you therein. And seek forgiveness from Him – He will forgive you. And be conscious of Him – He will provide you a way out of difficult matters. And, establish the prayer.
Sources:
1. The Husband's Rights Over His Wife.
https://islamqa.info › ... › Rights of spouses
2. The Role Of Spouses Under Islamic Family Law - CORE
https://core.ac.uk › download › pdf
3. The Rights Of Husbands Over Their Wives
https://icgc.us › uploads › 5-family_in_islam
4. Rights Of Husband And Wife | Marital Life: Importance And Issues
https://www.al-islam.org › rights-husband-and-wife
5. Rights Of A Muslim Wife Upon Her Husband « Backtojannah
https://backtojannah.com › Articles
6. https://www.khutbah.info/kindness-to-the-wife/
7. The Rights Of A Husband In Islam - Musliminc.
https://musliminc.com › the-rights-of-a-husband-in-isla...
8. Rights & Responsibilities Of Husbands & Wives - Just Dawah
https://justdawah.org › marriage-in-islam › rights-respo...
9. https://www.blogger.com/blog/post/edit/5877556654494305524/6048841309355199103
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