THE RIGHTS & OBLIGATIONS OF THE HUSBAND AND WIFE TOWARDS
EACH OTHER
ASSEMBLED BY MALLAM ABBA ABANA,
KUBWA, ABUJA, NIGERIA
http://variousislamicdawadocuments.blogspot.com
https://web.facebook.com/abba.abana
emails:gonidamgamiri@yahoo.com;
abba.abana@gmail.com
mabba.islamicschool@gmail.com
Wednesday 1st Rajab 1443
AH – 3rd February 2022 CE
Bismillah Walhamdulillah Was Salaatu
Was Salaam 'ala Rasulillah. As-Salaam Alaikum Wa-Rahmatullahi Wa-Barakatuhu.
Praise be to Allaah; we seek His
help and His forgiveness. We seek refuge with Allaah from the evil of our own
souls and from our bad deeds. Whomsoever Allaah guides will never be led
astray, and whomsoever Allaah leaves astray, no one can guide.
I bear witness that there is no god
but Allaah, and I bear witness that Muhammad (ﷺ) is His slave and Messenger.
INTRODUCTION
The Rights & obligations of the husband and wife towards each other.
Marriage is the Sunnah of Prophet
Muhammad (ﷺ).
It is through marriage that the Man becomes a husband & father; What Quran
says about husband rights? What are the rights and responsibilities of husband
and wife? The husband's rights over his wife.
We will mention – by the help of
Allaah – some of the texts of the Qur’an and Sunnah which have to do with the duties
of the spouses towards one another, quoting also from the commentaries and
views of the scholars.
a)
“O you who have believe. Fear Allah, as He should be feared,
and die not except as Muslims.”
b)
“O you who have believe. Be aware of Allah, and speak a straightforward
word. He will forgive your sins and repair your deeds. And whoever takes Allah
and His Prophet as a guide, has already achieved a mighty victory.”
c)
“O mankind! Show reverence towards your Guardian-Lord who
created you from single person, created of like nature, his mate and from the
two of them scattered (like seeds)countless men and women:- Be conscious of
Allah, through whom you demand your mutual (rights) and (show reverence
towards) the wombs (that bore you); for surely, Allah ever watches over you.”
d) “Verily Allah does not look to your faces and your wealth, but He looks
to your heart and to your deeds.” (Muslim)
Don't
forget your own Self while preaching to others – [Umar ibn khattab]
وَمَآ
أَرۡسَلۡنَا مِن قَبۡلِكَ إِلَّا رِجَالاً۬ نُّوحِىٓ إِلَيۡہِمۡۚ فَسۡـَٔلُوٓاْ
أَهۡلَ ٱلذِّكۡرِ إِن كُنتُمۡ لَا تَعۡلَمُونَ (٤٣)
And before thee also the messengers
We sent were but men, to whom We granted inspiration: if ye realise this not,
ask of those who possess the Message. (Holy
Quran Chapter 16.43)
Islam has enjoined upon the husband
duties towards his wife, and vice versa, and among these duties are some which
are shared by both husband and wife.
The
Summary Of Husband’s Rights Over His Wife.
These rights include:
(a)The obligation of obedience.
(b) Making herself available
to her husband.
(c) Not admitting anyone whom
the husband dislikes.
(d) Not going out of the house
except with the husband’s permission.
(e) Discipline.
(f) The wife serving her husband.
(g) Submitting herself to him.
(h) The wife should treat her
husband in a good manner
Other
Duties Of Men (Husband)
1.
The Guardian of the Family
2.
Taking Care of your Wife
3.
Be Loving towards Her
4.
Respect Your Wife
5.
Be Well-mannered
6.
Stop Complaining Unnecessarily
7.
Avoid Picking up Quarrels
8.
Appease Her and Sympathize with Her
9.
Do not pick up Faults
10.
Do not Pay Attention to Slanderous
Talk of the Critics
11.
Overlook Her Mistakes
12.
Be Attentive
13.
The Disciplinary Rights of the
Husband
14.
Suspicious Men
15.
The Unfaithful Woman
16.
Do not Go After Other Women
17.
Be Grateful
18.
Be Clean at Home Also
19.
Nurse Your Wife
20.
Family Economy
21.
Extend Your Help in the Household
Works
22.
Return Home Soon
23.
Be Faithful
24.
Education and Training
25.
Having A Child
26.
Pregnancy and Childbirth
27.
Assistance in Bringing up Children
28.
The Major Obstacle in Settling down
Disagreements
29.
Divorce the last resort
The
Summary Of Rights Of The Wife Alone:
1. Financial Rights
a)
The Mahr (dowry). Before marriage normally 100%
b)
Spending i.e. Feeding throughout
c)
Clothing i.e. resource availability
d)
Accommodation i.e. Shelter and housing availability
2. Non-Financial Rights
a)
Fair treatment of co-wives. (applicable to polygamy)
b)
Kind treatment.
c)
Not harming one’s wife.
d)
Education and Islamic Deen/Tarbiya
e)
Sex and Beddings
Other
Duties Of Women (Wife)
وَمِنۡ ءَايَـٰتِهِۦۤ أَنۡ
خَلَقَ لَكُم مِّنۡ أَنفُسِكُمۡ أَزۡوَٲجً۬ا لِّتَسۡكُنُوٓاْ إِلَيۡهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيۡنَڪُم مَّوَدَّةً۬ وَرَحۡمَةًۚ إِنَّ فِى ذَٲلِكَ لَأَيَـٰتٍ۬
لِّقَوۡمٍ۬ يَتَفَكَّرُونَ (٢١)
And
among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves,
that ye may dwell in tranquillity with them, and He has put love and mercy
between your (hearts); verily in that are Signs for those who reflect. (Holy Quran 30.21)
1.
The Purpose of Marriage
2.
Living with Husband
3.
Kindness
4.
The Husband's Respect
5.
Complaints and Grievances
6.
Pleasant Dispositions
7.
Wrong Expectations
8.
Be a Comfort for Your Husband
9.
Be Appreciative
10.
Do not Look for Shortcomings
11.
Don't Look at Anyone Other Than Your
Husband
12.
Islamic Hijab
13.
Forgive Your Husband's Mistakes
14.
Coping with Your Husband's Relatives
15.
Coping With Your Husband's Job
16.
If You Have to Live Away From Your
Hometown (different location)
17.
If Your Husband Works at Home (same
town)
18.
Help Your Husband to Make Progress
19.
Be Careful That He is Not Misled
20.
Suspicious Women
21.
Do Not Pay Attention to Slanderous
Talks
22.
The Satisfaction of Your Husband and
Not Your Mother
23.
Be Clean and Beautiful at Home Also
24.
Be a Mother to Him (i.e. when he is
sick)
25.
Keep the Secrets
26.
Accept His Management
27.
Be Resourceful when Times are Hard
28.
Do not Refuse to Talk and do not
Sulk (Temper)
29.
Remain Silent when he is Angry
30.
Men's Hobbies (identify his hobbies)
31.
Housekeeping
32.
Cleanliness
33.
A Tidy House
34.
Preparing Food
35.
Receiving Guests
36.
The Trustee of the House
37.
Careers of women (wife is caring
indeed)
38.
Do not Waste your Spare Time
39.
Motherhood (Caring for Children)
40.
Nutrition and Hygiene
Basic
Rights Of Wives
The Holy Prophet (ﷺ) once said, “Such a woman when her husband sees her; she should please him and when
her husband orders her, she should obey him and she should not adopt a manner
about her chastity and property which should displace her husband”.
The Hadith proves the importance of
a husband in the wives’ world, but Islam also tells us the importance and
rights of the wives in the husbands’ lives.
Here are some of the rights taken
from a reliable Islamic studies book include:
1. A husband should help his wife in
domestic affairs
2. A husband should selflessly
devote himself towards his wife, giving her unconditional love
3. A wife has the right to take
Khula (separation) from her husband
4. A woman can remarry after her
divorce, or at the death of her husband
5. A husband should not lack in
praising the qualities of his wife, in front of her, and in front of others
6. Every husband is responsible for
providing his wife with food, clothing and shelter
7. A wife can spend her own earned
money without taking permission from the husband or even telling him. ‘’A woman is not a commodity or a toy of
amusement but a real partner to man who has rights of her own and deserves
utmost respects’’.
8. Women do not have to change their
name after marriage
9. A wife should be supplied with
proper articles for her adornment
Part One
The Husband’s Rights Over His Wife.
The rights of the husband over his
wife are among the greatest rights; indeed his rights over her are greater than
her rights over him, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“And they (women) have rights (over
their husbands as regards living expenses) similar (to those of their husbands)
over them (as regards obedience and respect) to what is reasonable, but men
have a degree (of responsibility) over them [Holy Quran Chapter al-Baqarah 2:228]
وَٱلۡمُطَلَّقَـٰتُ يَتَرَبَّصۡنَ
بِأَنفُسِهِنَّ ثَلَـٰثَةَ قُرُوٓءٍ۬ۚ وَلَا يَحِلُّ لَهُنَّ أَن يَكۡتُمۡنَ مَا
خَلَقَ ٱللَّهُ فِىٓ أَرۡحَامِهِنَّ إِن كُنَّ يُؤۡمِنَّ بِٱللَّهِ وَٱلۡيَوۡمِ
ٱلۡأَخِرِۚ وَبُعُولَتُہُنَّ أَحَقُّ بِرَدِّهِنَّ فِى ذَٲلِكَ إِنۡ أَرَادُوٓاْ
إِصۡلَـٰحً۬اۚ وَلَهُنَّ مِثۡلُ ٱلَّذِى عَلَيۡہِنَّ بِٱلۡمَعۡرُوفِۚ
وَلِلرِّجَالِ عَلَيۡہِنَّ دَرَجَةٌ۬ۗ وَٱللَّهُ عَزِيزٌ حَكِيمٌ (٢٢٨)
al-Jassaas said: Allaah tells us in
this aayah that each of the spouses has rights over the other, and that the
husband has one particular right over his wife which she does not have over
him.
Ibn al-‘Arabi said: this text states
that he has some preference over her with regard to rights and duties of
marriage.
Some of the verses and ahadith on
rights and obligations of husband and wife includes:
1. Man is the caretaker of his wife and household:
He is responsible for all her
affairs and he would going to be asked on that “Men are in charge of women by
[right of] what Allah has given one over the other and what they spend [for
maintenance] from their wealth…” [Holy Quran Chapter 4:34]
2. Obedience
It is an essential right of man over
his wife to be obeyed so long as his commands do not conflict or contradict the
commands of Allah, the Almighty, Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ) and the general teachings and
codes of ethics of Islam.
Allah Almighty Says in the same
verse: "...But if they obey you [once more], seek no means against them.
Indeed, Allah is ever Exalted and Grand.." [Holy Quran Chapter 4:34]
3. Keeping secret and privacy:
A Muslim wife must protect her
husband’s secrets, privacies, honor and dignity. She also must protect his
wealth, children, finance, belongings and other aspects of his household, as
much as possible.
Allah Almighty Says in the same
verse: "...So righteous women are devoutly obedient, guarding in [the
husband's] absence what Allah would have them guard..." [Holy Quran 4:34]
Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) said: "The wife is the
guardian over the house of her husband and his children." [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]
4. Respect to husband:
And“If I were to command a single
person to bow in prostration to another person, I could have commanded a woman
to bow down (in obedience and respect, not in worship) to her husband.” [Abu Daawood]
5. Meeting his marital needs:
The wife should fear Allah at all
times and be ready to meet the needs of her husband, except in cases where it
is not permitted to Sharia (menses or post natal bleeding). At other times, she
has no right to refuse him.
Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ) said: “If a husband calls his wife
to his bed, but she refused to fulfill the call (for any reason other than a
lawful one), which drives the man to become upset with his wife, then angels
will curse such a wife until she gets up in the morning.” [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]
6. Seeking his permission and approval
The wife must not leave the house
except with her husband's permission and approval. She must also lower her
gaze, keep her voice low, keep her hands from reaching out to anything evil and
keep her tongue from any lewd or foul speech. She also must not harm his
children, parents or near relatives.
This is because Allah Almighty has
said "And abides in your houses and do not display yourselves as [was] the
display of the former times of ignorance...." [Holy Quran Chapter 33:33]
7. Protecting Your voice and gaze
Allah Almighty also has said (what
means):
يَـٰنِسَآءَ ٱلنَّبِىِّ لَسۡتُنَّ ڪَأَحَدٍ۬ مِّنَ ٱلنِّسَآءِۚ إِنِ ٱتَّقَيۡتُنَّ فَلَا تَخۡضَعۡنَ
بِٱلۡقَوۡلِ فَيَطۡمَعَ ٱلَّذِى فِى قَلۡبِهِۦ مَرَضٌ۬ وَقُلۡنَ قَوۡلاً۬ مَّعۡرُوفً۬ا (٣٢)
"...Do not be soft in speech
[to men], lest he in whose heart is disease should desire, but speak with
appropriate speech." [Holy Quran
33:32]
In another verse, Allah Says:
"And tell the believing women to reduce [some] of their vision and guard
their private parts and not expose their adornment except that which
[necessarily] appears thereof..." [Holy
Quran 24:31]
8. The best wife in the world:
Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) said: "The best woman is the
one who when you look at her, you are pleased; when you order her, she obeys;
if you are absent from her, she guards herself and your property." [At-Tabarani]
9. Obeying Husbands instructions:
Another right of the husband over
his wife is that the husband may ask his wife not do something, including, but
not limited to voluntary acts of worship, other than obligatory, which cause
her to lessen the time that her husband may have to enjoy her.
Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ) stated: “A wife is not allowed to
observe fast (other than fasting in the month of Ramadan, the prescribed,
unless she has his permission. She may not allow anyone to come into his house,
unless he permits.” [At-Tirmithi]
10. Husband is agate way to paradise open it or close it:
It has been reported from Umm
Salamah, the mother of the believers, may Allah be pleased with her, that
Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ)
said: “Any woman whose husband dies while he is pleased, happy and satisfied
with her (acts, attitudes and behavior) will enter Jannah (Paradise).” [At-Tirmithi]
11. Contentment:
Have to be content with what brings
husband and thank him. No need to be ungrateful to your husband and talk about
what is missing. You can thus provoke him to get money from haram. On the
contrary, you should take care and asking your husband to bring in only the
funds, earned through halal means. Do not compare him with husbands of your
sisters or girlfriends or what you see on the screen. Remember, everyone has
their flaws. If you'll thank you husband for even minor gifts, then he will be
pleased to do it more often. The husband needs to feel importance in his
family.
12. Saying sorry and seeking for forgiveness:
If the husband is not satisfied with
his wife’s actions or done something wrong there is no harm to say sorry and
ask for forgiveness that will earn her more respect to her husband.
13. Respecting Husband’s parent and relatives:
The wife should respect and honor
the parents and relatives of the husband. Honor them how to honor your parents.
Be grateful for the fact that they raised your husband.
14. The wife is to be engaged in education of children. Be patient with them. Teach them good morals and Islam. If
a husband has children of former wife, they must be well-treated.
These are but few items of the many
rights that Islam, the religion of truth, imposes upon those who commit
themselves to follow and practice it as a way of life. We vividly see that such
rights, if maintained properly, will lead a society to peace, happiness and
tranquility.
A wife becomes more respected,
adored, cared for, highly needed and appreciated if she respects the rights of
her husband, and equally given the rights she is entitled for by Islam.
Husbands Rights Also Include
The obligation of obedience. Allaah has made the man a Qawwaam (protector and maintainer) of the woman by commanding,
directing and taking care of her, just as guardians take care of their charges,
by virtue of the physical and mental faculties that Allaah has given only to
men and the financial obligations that He has enjoined upon them. Allaah says
(interpretation of the meaning):“Men are the protectors and maintainers of
women, because Allaah has made one of them to excel the other, and because they
spend (to support them) from their means” [Holy
Quran Chapter al-Nisaa’ 4:34]
ٱلرِّجَالُ قَوَّٲمُونَ عَلَى ٱلنِّسَآءِ بِمَا فَضَّلَ
ٱللَّهُ بَعۡضَهُمۡ عَلَىٰ بَعۡضٍ۬ وَبِمَآ أَنفَقُواْ مِنۡ أَمۡوَٲلِهِمۡۚ
فَٱلصَّـٰلِحَـٰتُ قَـٰنِتَـٰتٌ حَـٰفِظَـٰتٌ۬ لِّلۡغَيۡبِ بِمَا حَفِظَ ٱللَّهُۚ
وَٱلَّـٰتِى تَخَافُونَ نُشُوزَهُنَّ فَعِظُوهُنَّ وَٱهۡجُرُوهُنَّ فِى
ٱلۡمَضَاجِعِ وَٱضۡرِبُوهُنَّۖ فَإِنۡ أَطَعۡنَڪُمۡ فَلَا تَبۡغُواْ عَلَيۡہِنَّ
سَبِيلاًۗ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ كَانَ عَلِيًّ۬ا ڪَبِيرً۬ا (٣٤)
‘Ali ibn Abi Talhah said, narrating
from Ibn ‘Abbaas: “Men are the protectors and maintainers of women” means, they
are in charge of them, i.e., she should obey him in matters of obedience that
Allaah has enjoined upon her, and obey him by treating his family well and
taking care of his wealth. This was the view of Muqaatil, al-Saddi and
al-Dahhaak.(Tafseer Ibn Katheer, 1/492)
(b) Making herself available to her husband. One of the rights that the
husband has over his wife is that he should be able to enjoy her (physically).
If he marries a woman and she is able to have intercourse, she is obliged to
submit herself to him according to the contract, if he asks her. That is after
he gives her the immediate mahr, and gives her some time – two or three days,
if she asks for that – to sort herself out, because that is something that she
needs, and because that is not too long and is customary.
If a wife refuses to respond to her
husband’s request for intercourse, she has done something haraam and has
committed a major sin, unless she has a valid shar’i excuse such as menses,
obligatory fasting, sickness, etc.
It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah
(may Allaah be pleased with him) said: “The Messenger of Allaah (ﷺ) said: ‘When a man calls his wife
to his bed and she refuses, and he went to sleep angry with her, the angels
will curse her until morning.’” (Narrated
by al-Bukhaari, 3065; Muslim, 1436)
(c) Not admitting anyone whom the husband dislikes. One of the rights
that the husband has over his wife is that she should not permit anyone whom he
dislikes to enter his house.
It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah
(may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Messenger of Allaah (ﷺ) said: “It is not permitted for a
woman to fast when her husband is present without his permission, or to admit
anyone into his house without his permission. And whatever she spends (in
charity) of his wealth without his consent, ….”
(Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 4899; Muslim, 1026)
It was narrated from Sulaymaan ibn
‘Amr ibn al-Ahwas: my father told me that he was present at the Farewell
Pilgrimage (Hujjat al-Wadaa’) with the Messenger of Allaah (ﷺ). He [the Prophet (ﷺ)] praised and glorified Allaah,
then he preached a sermon and said: “Treat women kindly, for they are prisoners
and you have no other power over them than that, if they are guilty of open
lewdness, then refuse to share their beds, and hit them, but not severely. But
if they return to obedience, (then) do not seek means (of annoyance) against
them. You have rights over your women and your women have rights over you. Your
rights over your women are that they should not let anyone whom you dislike sit
on your bed and they should not let anyone whom you dislike enter your house.
Their rights over you are that you should feed and clothe them well.”(Narrated
by al-Tirmidhi, 1163 – he said this is a saheeh hasan hadeeth. Also narrated by
Ibn Maajah, 1851)
It was narrated that Jaabir said:
[the Prophet] (ﷺ)
said:
“Fear Allah concerning women! Verily
you have taken them on the security of Allah, and intercourse with them has
been made lawful unto you by words of Allah. You too have rights over them, and
that they should not allow anyone to sit on your bed [i.e., not let them into
the house] whom you do not like. But if they do that, you can chastise them but
not severely. Their rights upon you are that you should provide them with food
and clothing in a fitting manner” (Narrated
by Muslim, 1218)
(d) Not going out of the house except with the husband’s permission.
One of the rights of the husband over his wife is that she should not go out of
the house except with his permission.
The Shaafa’is and Hanbalis said: she
does not have the right to visit (even) her sick father except with the
permission of her husband, and he has the right to prevent her from doing that…
because obedience to the husband is obligatory, and it is not permitted to
neglect an obligatory action for something that is not obligatory.
(e) Discipline. The husband has the right to discipline his wife if she
disobeys him in something good, not if she disobeys him in something sinful,
because Allaah has enjoined disciplining women by forsaking them in bed and by
hitting them, when they do not obey.
The Hanafis mentioned four
situations in which a husband is permitted to discipline his wife by hitting
her. These are: not adorning herself when he wants her to; not responding when
he calls her to bed and she is taahirah (pure, i.e., not menstruating); not
praying; and going out of the house without his permission.
The evidence that it is permissible
to discipline one's wife includes the aayahs (interpretation of the
meaning):“As to those women on whose part you see ill conduct, admonish them
(first), (next) refuse to share their beds, (and last) beat them (lightly, if
it is useful)” [Holy Quran Chapter
al-Nisaa’ 4:34]
“O you who believe! Ward off yourselves
and your families against a Fire (Hell) whose fuel is men and stones” [Holy
Quran Chapter al-Tahreem 66:6]
يَـٰٓأَيُّہَا ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُواْ قُوٓاْ أَنفُسَكُمۡ
وَأَهۡلِيكُمۡ نَارً۬ا وَقُودُهَا ٱلنَّاسُ وَٱلۡحِجَارَةُ عَلَيۡہَا
مَلَـٰٓٮِٕكَةٌ غِلَاظٌ۬ شِدَادٌ۬ لَّا يَعۡصُونَ ٱللَّهَ مَآ أَمَرَهُمۡ
وَيَفۡعَلُونَ مَا يُؤۡمَرُونَ (٦)
Ibn Katheer said: Qutaadah said: you
should command them to obey Allaah, and forbid them to disobey Allaah; you
should be in charge of them in accordance with the command of Allaah, and
instruct them to follow the commands of Allaah, and help them to do so. If you
see any act of disobedience towards Allaah, then stop them from doing it and
rebuke them for that.
This was also the view of al-Dahhaak
and Muqaatil: that the duty of the Muslim is to teach his family, including his
relatives and his slaves, that which Allaah has enjoined upon them and that
which He has forbidden them. (Tafseer Ibn
Katheer, 4/392)
(f) The wife serving her husband. There is a great deal of evidence
(daleel) for this, some of which has been mentioned above.
Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah said:
She is obliged to serve her husband according to what is reasonable among
people of similar standing. That varies according to circumstances: the way in
which a Bedouin woman serves (her husband) will not be like the way of a
town-dweller, and the way of a strong woman will not be like the way of a weak
woman. (al-Fataawa al-Kubraa, 4/561)
(g) Submitting herself to him. Once the conditions of the marriage-contract
have been fulfilled and it is valid, then the woman is obliged to submit
herself to her husband and allow him to enjoy her (physically), because once
the contract is completed, he is allowed in return to enjoy her, and the wife
is entitled to the compensation which is the mahr.
(h) The wife should treat her husband in a good manner, because Allaah
says (interpretation of the meaning):“And they (women) have rights (over their
husbands as regards living expenses) similar (to those of their husbands) over
them (as regards obedience and respect) to what is reasonable” [Holy Quran Chapter al-Baqarah 2:228]
وَٱلۡمُطَلَّقَـٰتُ يَتَرَبَّصۡنَ
بِأَنفُسِهِنَّ ثَلَـٰثَةَ قُرُوٓءٍ۬ۚ وَلَا يَحِلُّ لَهُنَّ أَن يَكۡتُمۡنَ مَا
خَلَقَ ٱللَّهُ فِىٓ أَرۡحَامِهِنَّ إِن كُنَّ يُؤۡمِنَّ بِٱللَّهِ وَٱلۡيَوۡمِ
ٱلۡأَخِرِۚ وَبُعُولَتُہُنَّ أَحَقُّ بِرَدِّهِنَّ فِى ذَٲلِكَ إِنۡ أَرَادُوٓاْ
إِصۡلَـٰحً۬اۚ وَلَهُنَّ مِثۡلُ ٱلَّذِى عَلَيۡہِنَّ بِٱلۡمَعۡرُوفِۚ
وَلِلرِّجَالِ عَلَيۡہِنَّ دَرَجَةٌ۬ۗ وَٱللَّهُ عَزِيزٌ حَكِيمٌ (٢٢٨)
Al-Qurtubi said: It was also
narrated from him – i.e., Ibn ‘Abbaas – that this means: they have the right to
good companionship and kind and reasonable treatment from their husbands just
as they are obliged to obey the commands of their husbands.
And it was said that they have the
right that their husbands should not harm them, and their husbands have a
similar right over them. This was the view of al-Tabari.
Ibn Zayd said: You should fear
Allaah concerning them just as they should fear Allaah concerning you.
The meanings are similar, and the
aayah includes all of that in the rights and duties of marriage. (Tafseer
al-Qurtubi, 3/123-124).
Embellishment
10. A husband has no right to stop
his wife from visiting her parents’ house or close family, or to keep her at
home for no due reason
11. Even though men spend most of
their time outside the house, they are cordially obliged to help raise the
children with the wife
Thus
proven, Islam gives women enough rights as a religion, it is then up to us, as
men, to further their rights and help them attain the level of equality they
deserve – because it is they who bear much trouble to make our lives happier
and more comfortable.
Part Two
Women's Rights in Islam
The issue of women in Islam, is topic of
great misunderstanding and distortion due partly to a lack of understanding,
but also partly due to misbehavior of some Muslims which has been taken to
represent the teachings of Islam. We speak here about what Islam teaches, and
that is that standard according to which Muslims are to be judged. As such, the
basis and source of this article is the Quran--the words of Allah, and the
sayings of the Prophet (ﷺ), his deeds and his confirmation. Islamic laws are
derived from these sources.
a)
According to
the Quran, men and women have the same spirit, there is no superiority in the
spiritual sense between men and women. [Holy Quran chapter
4:1, 7:189, 42:11]
b)
The Quran
makes it clear that all human beings (and the phraseology doesn't apply to men
or women alone, but to both) have what you might call a human; He "breathed
some of My spirit into divine touch. When God created him"(or her in this
sense). [Holy Quran 15:29 See also Quran 32:9]
The wife has financial rights over
her husband, which are the Mahr (dowry), spending and accommodation.
And she has non-financial rights,
such as fair division between co-wives, being treated in a decent and
reasonable manner, and not being treated in a harmful way by her husband.
Financial Rights
(a) The mahr (dowry). This is the money to which the wife is entitled
from her husband when the marriage contract is completed or when the marriage
is consummated. It is a right which the man is obliged to pay to the woman.
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):“And give to the women (whom you
marry) their Mahr (obligatory bridal-money given by the husband to his wife at
the time of marriage) with a good heart” [Holy
Quran Chapter al-Nisaa’ 4:4]
وَءَاتُواْ ٱلنِّسَآءَ صَدُقَـٰتِہِنَّ نِحۡلَةً۬ۚ فَإِن
طِبۡنَ لَكُمۡ عَن شَىۡءٍ۬ مِّنۡهُ نَفۡسً۬ا فَكُلُوهُ هَنِيٓـًٔ۬ا مَّرِيٓـًٔ۬ا (٤)
The prescription of the Mahr
demonstrates the seriousness and importance of the marriage-contract, and is a
token of respect and honour to the woman.
The mahr is not a condition or
essential part of the marriage-contract, according to the majority of fuqahaa’;
rather it is one of the consequences of the contract. If the marriage-contract
is done without any mention of the mahr, it is still valid, according to the
consensus of the majority, because Allaah says (interpretation of the
meaning):“There is no sin on you, if you divorce women while yet you have not
touched (had sexual relation with) them, nor appointed unto them their Mahr
(bridal-money given by the husband to his wife at the time of marriage)” [Holy Quran Chapter al-Baqarah 2:236].
لَّا جُنَاحَ عَلَيۡكُمۡ إِن طَلَّقۡتُمُ
ٱلنِّسَآءَ مَا لَمۡ تَمَسُّوهُنَّ أَوۡ تَفۡرِضُواْ لَهُنَّ فَرِيضَةً۬ۚ
وَمَتِّعُوهُنَّ عَلَى ٱلۡمُوسِعِ قَدَرُهُ ۥ وَعَلَى ٱلۡمُقۡتِرِ
قَدَرُهُ ۥ مَتَـٰعَۢا بِٱلۡمَعۡرُوفِۖ حَقًّا عَلَى ٱلۡمُحۡسِنِينَ (٢٣٦)
The fact that divorce is permitted
before consummation of the marriage or before stipulating the Mahr indicates
that it is permissible not to stipulate the mahr in the marriage-contract.
If the Mahr is stipulated, it
becomes obligatory upon the husband; if it is not stipulated, then he must give
the Mahr that is given to women of similar status to his wife.
(b) Spending. The scholars of Islam are agreed that it is obligatory
for husbands to spend on their wives, on the condition that the wife make
herself available to her husband. If she refuses him or rebels, then she is not
entitled to that spending.
The reason why it is obligatory to
spend on her is that the woman is available only to her husband, because of the
marriage contract, and she is not allowed to leave the marital home except with
his permission. So he has to spend on her and provide for her, and this is in
return for her making herself available to him for his pleasure.
What is meant by spending is
providing what the wife needs of food and accommodation. She has the right to
these things even if she is rich, because Allaah says (interpretation of the
meaning):“but the father of the child shall bear the cost of the mother’s food
and clothing on a reasonable basis” [Holy
Quran Chapter al-Baqarah 2:233]
وَٱلَّذِينَ يُتَوَفَّوۡنَ مِنكُمۡ
وَيَذَرُونَ أَزۡوَٲجً۬ا يَتَرَبَّصۡنَ بِأَنفُسِهِنَّ أَرۡبَعَةَ أَشۡہُرٍ۬
وَعَشۡرً۬اۖ فَإِذَا بَلَغۡنَ أَجَلَهُنَّ فَلَا جُنَاحَ عَلَيۡكُمۡ فِيمَا
فَعَلۡنَ فِىٓ أَنفُسِهِنَّ بِٱلۡمَعۡرُوفِۗ وَٱللَّهُ بِمَا تَعۡمَلُونَ
خَبِيرٌ۬ (٢٣٤)
“Let the rich man spend according to
his means; and the man whose resources are restricted, let him spend according
to what Allaah has given him” [Holy Quran
Chapter al-Talaaq 65:7]
لِيُنفِقۡ ذُو سَعَةٍ۬ مِّن سَعَتِهِۦۖ وَمَن قُدِرَ عَلَيۡهِ
رِزۡقُهُ ۥ فَلۡيُنفِقۡ مِمَّآ ءَاتَٮٰهُ ٱللَّهُۚ لَا يُكَلِّفُ ٱللَّهُ
نَفۡسًا إِلَّا مَآ ءَاتَٮٰهَاۚ سَيَجۡعَلُ ٱللَّهُ بَعۡدَ عُسۡرٍ۬ يُسۡرً۬ا (٧)
From the Sunnah:
The Prophet (ﷺ) said to Hind bint ‘Utbah – the
wife of Abu Sufyaan – who had complained that he did not spend on her: “Take
what is sufficient for you and your children, on a reasonable basis.”
It was narrated that ‘Aa’ishah said:
“Hind bint ‘Utbah, the wife of Abu Sufyaan, entered upon the Messenger of
Allaah (ﷺ)
and said, ‘O Messenger of Allaah, Abu Sufyaan is a stingy man who does not
spend enough on me and my children, except for what I take from his wealth
without his knowledge. Is there any sin on me for doing that?’ The Messenger of
Allaah (ﷺ)
said, ‘Take from his wealth on a reasonable basis, only what is sufficient for
you and your children.’” (Narrated by
al-Bukhaari, 5049; Muslim, 1714)
It was narrated from Jaabir that the
Messenger of Allaah (ﷺ)
said in his Farewell Sermon: “Fear Allah concerning women! Verily you have
taken them on the security of Allah, and intercourse with them has been made
lawful unto you by words of Allah. You too have rights over them, and that they
should not allow anyone to sit on your bed [i.e., not let them into the house]
whom you do not like. But if they do that, you can chastise them but not
severely. Their rights upon you are that you should provide them with food and
clothing in a fitting manner” (Narrated
by Muslim, 1218)
(c) Accommodation. This is also one
of the wife’s rights, which means that her husband should prepare for her
accommodation according to his means and ability. Allaah says (interpretation
of the meaning): “Lodge them (the divorced women) where you dwell, according to
your means” [Holy Quran Chapter al-Talaaq
65:6]
أَسۡكِنُوهُنَّ مِنۡ حَيۡثُ سَكَنتُم مِّن وُجۡدِكُمۡ وَلَا
تُضَآرُّوهُنَّ لِتُضَيِّقُواْ عَلَيۡہِنَّۚ وَإِن كُنَّ أُوْلَـٰتِ حَمۡلٍ۬
فَأَنفِقُواْ عَلَيۡہِنَّ حَتَّىٰ يَضَعۡنَ حَمۡلَهُنَّۚ فَإِنۡ أَرۡضَعۡنَ
لَكُمۡ فَـَٔاتُوهُنَّ أُجُورَهُنَّۖ وَأۡتَمِرُواْ بَيۡنَكُم بِمَعۡرُوفٍ۬ۖ
وَإِن تَعَاسَرۡتُمۡ فَسَتُرۡضِعُ لَهُ ۥۤ أُخۡرَىٰ (٦)
Non-Financial Rights
(i) Fair treatment of co-wives. One of the rights that a wife has over
her husband is that she and her co-wives should be treated equally, if the
husband has other wives, with regard to nights spent with them, spending and
clothing.
(ii) Kind treatment. The husband
must have a good attitude towards his wife and be kind to her, and offer her
everything that may soften her heart towards him, because Allaah says
(interpretation of the meaning):“and live with them honourably” [Holy Quran Chapter al-Nisaa’ 4:19]
يَـٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُواْ لَا يَحِلُّ لَكُمۡ أَن تَرِثُواْ
ٱلنِّسَآءَ كَرۡهً۬اۖ وَلَا تَعۡضُلُوهُنَّ لِتَذۡهَبُواْ بِبَعۡضِ مَآ
ءَاتَيۡتُمُوهُنَّ إِلَّآ أَن يَأۡتِينَ بِفَـٰحِشَةٍ۬ مُّبَيِّنَةٍ۬ۚ
وَعَاشِرُوهُنَّ بِٱلۡمَعۡرُوفِۚ فَإِن كَرِهۡتُمُوهُنَّ فَعَسَىٰٓ أَن
تَكۡرَهُواْ شَيۡـًٔ۬ا وَيَجۡعَلَ ٱللَّهُ فِيهِ خَيۡرً۬ا ڪَثِيرً۬ا (١٩)
“And they (women) have rights (over
their husbands as regards living expenses) similar (to those of their husbands)
over them (as regards obedience and respect) to what is reasonable” [Holy Quran Chapter al-Baqarah 2:228]
وَٱلۡمُطَلَّقَـٰتُ يَتَرَبَّصۡنَ
بِأَنفُسِهِنَّ ثَلَـٰثَةَ قُرُوٓءٍ۬ۚ وَلَا يَحِلُّ لَهُنَّ أَن يَكۡتُمۡنَ مَا
خَلَقَ ٱللَّهُ فِىٓ أَرۡحَامِهِنَّ إِن كُنَّ يُؤۡمِنَّ بِٱللَّهِ وَٱلۡيَوۡمِ
ٱلۡأَخِرِۚ وَبُعُولَتُہُنَّ أَحَقُّ بِرَدِّهِنَّ فِى ذَٲلِكَ إِنۡ أَرَادُوٓاْ
إِصۡلَـٰحً۬اۚ وَلَهُنَّ مِثۡلُ ٱلَّذِى عَلَيۡہِنَّ بِٱلۡمَعۡرُوفِۚ
وَلِلرِّجَالِ عَلَيۡہِنَّ دَرَجَةٌ۬ۗ وَٱللَّهُ عَزِيزٌ حَكِيمٌ (٢٢٨)
From the Sunnah:
It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah
(may Allaah be pleased with him) said: “The Messenger of Allaah (ﷺ) said: ‘Be kind to women.’”(Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 3153; Muslim,
1468).
There follow examples of the kind
treatment of the Prophet (ﷺ) towards his wives – for he is the best example:
1. It was narrated from Zaynab bint
Abi Salamah that Umm Salamah said: “I got my menses when I was lying with the
Prophet (ﷺ)
under a single woollen sheet. I slipped away and put on the clothes I usually
for menstruation. The Messenger of Allaah (ﷺ) said to me, ‘Have you got your menses?’ I said, ‘Yes.’
Then he called me and made me lie with him under the same sheet.”
She said: And she told me that the
Prophet (ﷺ)
used to kiss her when he was fasting, and the Prophet (ﷺ) and I used to do ghusl to cleanse ourselves from janaabah
from one vessel. (Narrated by
al-Bukhaari, 316; Muslim, 296)
2. It was narrated that ‘Urwah ibn
al-Zubayr said: “ ‘Aa’ishah said: ‘By Allaah, I saw the Messenger of Allaah (ﷺ) standing at the door of my apartment when the Abyssinians
were playing with their spears in the Mosque of the Messenger of Allaah (ﷺ). He covered me with his cloak so that I could watch their
games, then he stood there for my sake until I was the one who had had enough.
So you should appreciate the fact that young girls like to have fun.’” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 443; Muslim, 892)
3. It was narrated from ‘Aa’ishah
the Mother of the Believers (may Allaah be pleased with her) that the Messenger
of Allaah (ﷺ) used to pray sitting down; he
would recite Qur’aan when he was sitting down, then when there were thirty or
forty aayahs left, he would stand up and recite them standing up. Then he did
rukoo’, then sujood; then he would do likewise in the second rak’ah. When he
had finished his prayer, he would look, and if I was awake he would talk with
me, and if I was asleep he would lie down. (Narrated
by al-Bukhaari, 1068)
(c) Not harming one’s wife.
This is one of the basic principles
of Islam. Because harming others is haraam in the case of strangers, it is even
more so in the case of harming one’s wife.
It was narrated from ‘Ubaadah ibn
al-Saamit that the Messenger of Allaah (ﷺ) ruled, “There should be no harming nor reciprocating
harm.” (Narrated by Ibn Maajah,, 2340)
This hadeeth was classed as saheeh
by Imaam Ahmad, al-Haakim, Ibn al-Salaah and others. See Khalaasat al-Badr al-Muneer, 2/438.
Among the things to which the
Lawgiver drew attention in this matter is the prohibition of hitting or beating
in a severe manner.
It was narrated from Jaabir that the
Messenger of Allaah (ﷺ)
said in his Farewell Sermon: “Fear Allah concerning women! Verily you have
taken them on the security of Allah, and intercourse with them has been made
lawful unto you by words of Allah. You too have rights over them, and that they
should not allow anyone to sit on your bed [i.e., not let them into the house]
whom you do not like. But if they do that, you can chastise them but not
severely. Their rights upon you are that you should provide them with food and
clothing in a fitting manner” (Narrated
by Muslim, 1218)
Part
Three
Islam
Raised Status Of Women
Islam raised the status of women,
and made them equal with men in most rulings. So women, like men, are commanded
to believe in Allah and to worship Him. And women are made equal to men in
terms of reward in the Hereafter. Women have the right to express themselves,
to give sincere advice, to enjoin what is good and forbid what is evil, and to
call people to Allah. Women have the right to own property, to buy and sell, to
inherit, to give charity and to give gifts. It is not permissible for anyone to
take a woman’s wealth without her consent. For more about the rights of women
in Islam, see the detailed answer.
Islam
honors women as mothers[1]
Islam honors women greatly. It
honors women as mothers who must be respected, obeyed and treated with
kindness. Pleasing one's mother is regarded as part of pleasing Allah. Islam
tells us that Paradise lies at the mother’s feet, i.e. that the best way to
reach Paradise is through one's mother.
And Islam forbids disobeying one’s
mother or making her angry, even by saying a mild word of disrespect. The
mother’s rights are greater than those of the father, and the duty to take care
of her grows greater as the mother grows older and weaker.
Honoring
Parents In The Quran
All of that is mentioned in many
texts of the Quran and Sunnah Prophetic traditions).
For example, Allah says
(interpretation of the meaning):
“And We have enjoined on man to be
dutiful and kind to his parents” [Holy
Quran Chapter
al-Ahqaf 46:15]
“And your Lord has decreed that you
worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents. If one of them
or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of
disrespect, nor shout at them but address them in terms of honor.
And lower unto them the wing of
submission and humility through mercy, and say: ‘My Lord! Bestow on them Your
Mercy as they did bring me up when I was young’” [Holy Quran Chapter al-Isra 17:23, 24]
Honoring
Parents In The Sunnah
Ibn Majah (2781) narrated that
Mu’awiyah ibn Jahimiah al-Sulami (may Allah be pleased with him) said: I came
to the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) and said:
O Messenger of Allah, I want to go for jihad (battle) with you, seeking thereby
the Face of Allah and the Hereafter. He said, “Woe to you! Is your mother still
alive?” I said, Yes. He said, “Go back and honor her.” Then I approached him
from the other side and said: O Messenger of Allah, I want to go for jihad with
you, seeking thereby the Face of Allah and the Hereafter. He said, “Woe to you!
Is your mother still alive?” I said, Yes. He said, “Go back and honor her.”
Then I approached him from in front and said, O Messenger of Allah, I want to
go for jihad with you, seeking thereby the Face of Allah and the Hereafter. He
said, “Woe to you! Is your mother still alive?” I said, Yes. He said, “Go back
and honor her (lit. stay by her feet), for there is Paradise.” (Classed as
sahih by al-Albani in Sahih Sunan Ibn Majah. It was also narrated by al-Nasai
with the words: “Stay with her for Paradise is beneath her feet.”)
Al-Bukhari (5971) and Muslim (2548)
narrated that Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) said: A man came to
the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) and said: “O
Messenger of Alaah, who is most deserving of my good company?” He said: “Your
mother.” He said: “Then who?” He said: “Your mother.” He said: “Then who?” He
said: “Your mother.” He said: “Then who?” He said: “Then your father.”
And there are other texts which we
do not have room to mention here.
Obligation
On Sons To Spend On Their Mothers
One of the rights which Islam gives
to the mother is that her son should spend on her if she needs that support, so
long as he is able and can afford it. Hence for many centuries it was unheard
of among the people of Islam for a mother to be left in an old-people’s home or
for a son to kick her out of the house, or for her sons to refuse to spend on
her, or for her to need to work in order to eat and drink if her sons were
present.
Islam
Honors Women As Wives
Islam urges the husband to treat his
wife in a good and kind manner, and says that the wife has rights over the husband
like his rights over her, except that he has a degree over her, because of his
responsibility of spending and taking care of the family’s affairs.
Islam states that the best of the
Muslim men is the one who treats his wife in the best manner, and the man is
forbidden to take his wife’s money without her consent. Allah says
(interpretation of the meaning):
“and live with them honorably” [Holy Quran Chapter
al-Nisa 4:19]
“And they (women) have rights
similar (to those of their husbands) over them to what is reasonable, but men
have a degree (of responsibility) over them. And Allah is All-Mighty, All-Wise”
[Holy Quran Chapter al-Baqarah 2:228]
And the Prophet (peace and blessings
of Allah be upon him) said: “I urge you to treat women well.” (Narrated by al-Bukhari, 331; Muslim, 1468)
And the Prophet (peace and blessings
of Allah be upon him) said: “The best of you is the one who is best to his
wife, and I am the best of you to my wives.” (Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 3895; Ibn Majah, 1977; classed as sahih by al-Albani
in Sahih al-Tirmidhi)
Islam
Honors Women As Daughters
And Islam honors women as daughters,
and encourages us to raise them well and educate them. Islam states that
raising daughters will bring a great reward. For example, the Prophet (peace
and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “Whoever takes care of two girls
until they reach adulthood, he and I will come like this on the Day of
Resurrection,” and he held his fingers together. (Narrated by Muslim, 2631)
Ibn Majah (3669) narrated that
‘Uqbah ibn ‘Amir (may Allah be pleased with him) said: I heard the Messenger of
Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) say: “Whoever has three
daughters and is patient towards them, and feeds them, gives them to drink and
clothes them from his riches, they will be a shield for him from the Fire on
the Day of Resurrection.” (Classed as
sahih by al-Albani in Sahih Ibn Majah)
Islam
Honors Women As Sisters And Aunts
Islam honors women as sisters and as
aunts. Islam enjoins upholding the ties of kinship and forbids severing those
ties in many texts. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him)
said: “O people! Spread (the greeting of) salam, offer food (to the needy),
uphold the ties of kinship, and pray at night when people are sleeping, and you
will enter Paradise in peace.”(Narrated
by Ibn Majah, 3251; classed as sahih by al-Albani in Sahih Ibn Majah)
Al-Bukhari (5988) narrated that the
Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “Allah, may He be
exalted, said to the ties of kinship: ‘Whoever upholds you, I will support him,
and whoever breaks you, I will cut him off.’”
All of these qualities may co-exist
in a single woman: she may be a wife, a daughter, a mother, a sister, an aunt,
so she may be honored in all these ways.
Women
Enjoy These Rights In Islam
To conclude:
Islam raised the status of women,
and made them equal with men in most rulings. So women, like men, are commanded
to believe in Allah and to worship Him. And women are made equal to men in
terms of reward in the Hereafter. Women have the right to express themselves,
to give sincere advice, to enjoin what is good and forbid what is evil, and to
call people to Allah. Women have the right to own property, to buy and sell, to
inherit, to give charity and to give gifts. It is not permissible for anyone to
take a woman’s wealth without her consent.
Women have the right to a decent
life, without facing aggression or being wronged. Women have the right to be
educated; in fact it is obligatory to teach them what they need to know about
their religion.
Anyone who compares the rights of
women in Islam with their situation during the Jahiliyyah (pre-Islamic days of
ignorance) or in other civilizations will understand that what we are saying is
true. In fact we are certain that women are given the greatest honor in Islam.
Rights
Of Women In Other Civilizations
There is no need for us to mention
the situation of women in Greek, Persian or Jewish society, but even Christian
societies had a bad attitude towards women. The theologians even gathered at
the Council of Macon to discuss whether a woman was merely a body or a body
with a soul. They thought it most likely that women did not have a soul that
could be saved, and they made an exception only in the case of Mary (Maryam –
peace be upon her).
The French held a conference in 586
CE to discuss whether women had souls or not, and if they had souls, were these
souls animal or human? In the end, they decided that they were human! But they
were created to serve men only.
During the time of Henry VIII, the
English Parliament issued a decree forbidding women to read the New Testament
because they were regarded as impure.
Until 1805, English law allowed a
man to sell his wife, and set a wife’s price at six pennies.
In the modern age, women were kicked
out of the house at the age of eighteen so that they could start working to
earn a bite to eat. If a woman wanted to stay in the house, she had to pay her
parents rent for her room and pay for her food and laundry. (See `Awdat al-Hijab, 2/47-56)
How can we compare this to Islam
which enjoins honoring and kind treatment of women, and spending on them?
Have
The Rights Of Women In Islam Been Neglected?
With regard to the changes in these
rights throughout the ages, the basic principles have not changed, but with
regard to the application of these principles, there can be no doubt that
during the golden age of Islam, the Muslims applied the shari’ah (Islamic law)
of their Lord more, and the rulings of this shari’ah include honoring one’s
mother and treating one’s wife, daughter, sister and women in general in a kind
manner. The weaker religious commitment grew, the more these rights were
neglected, but until the Day of Resurrection there will continue to be a group
who adheres to their religion and applies the shari’ah (laws) of their Lord.
These are the people who honor women the most and grant them their rights.
Despite the weakness of religious
commitment among many Muslims nowadays, women still enjoy a high status,
whether as daughters, wives or sisters, whilst we acknowledge that there are
shortcomings, wrongdoing and neglect of women’s rights among some people, but
each one will be answerable for himself.
Why
should the wife obey her husband[2]?
What the Muslim has to do when he
learns the ruling of Islam is to submit to it and believe in it even if he does
not know the wisdom behind it. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“It is not for a believer, man or
woman, when Allaah and His Messenger have decreed a matter that they should
have any option in their decision. And whoever disobeys Allaah and His
Messenger, he has indeed strayed into a plain error”[ Holy Quran Chapter al-Ahzaab 33:36]
He should be certain that there is
the utmost wisdom behind all the rulings of Islam, but that wisdom may be
hidden and he may not understand it. In that case he should realize that this
is due to his lack of knowledge and the shortcomings of human intellect, which
is not free of defects.
When a man and a woman come together
in marriage and live together, there are bound to be differences in opinion
between them, and one party must have the final say in order to resolve the
issue, otherwise the differences will multiply and disputes will increase. So
there has to be someone in charge, otherwise the marriage will founder.
Hence Islam made the husband the
protector and maintainer of the wife and gave him the responsibility of heading
the household, because he is more perfect in rational thinking than her in most
cases. This means that it is obligatory for her to obey him. Allaah says
(interpretation of the meaning):
“Men are the protectors and
maintainers of women, because Allaah has made one of them to excel the other,
and because they spend (to support them) from their means” [Holy Quran Chapter al-Nisaa’ 4:34]
Among
the reasons for that are the following:
1 – Men are more able to bear this
responsibility, just as women are more able than men to take care of the
children and the household affairs. So each of them has his or her natural role
and position.
2 – In Islam, men are obliged to
spend on their wives; the wife does not have to work or earn a living. Even if
she has an independent income or she becomes rich, the husband is still obliged
to spend on her as much as she needs. Because he bears the responsibility of
spending, he is made the protector and maintainer of his wife and is put in
charge (of the household).
Hence we see chaos in the societies
which go against that: men do not shoulder the responsibility of spending on
their wives, and wives are not obliged to obey their husbands; they go out of
the home whenever they want and leave the marital nest empty and neglect their
children. A woman has to work hard even if that is at the expense of her house
and family.
We should also take note of the
following points:
1 – The woman will be rewarded by
Allaah for her obedience to her husband.
2 – This obedience should not
involve disobeying Allaah. The Prophet (ﷺ) said: “There is no obedience to any created being if it
involves disobedience towards the Creator.”
3 – Just as the husband has the
right to be obeyed, Islam also tells him to treat his wife kindly. Allaah says
(interpretation of the meaning):
“And they (women) have rights (over
their husbands as regards living expenses) similar (to those of their husbands)
over them (as regards obedience and respect) to what is reasonable”[ Holy Quran
Chapter al-Baqarah 2:228]
So he should not mistreat or oppress
her, or issue harsh commands to her. Rather he should deal with her in a wise
manner, and tell her to do things which are in her interests, his interests and
the interests of the household, in a kind and gentle manner.
The Prophet (ﷺ) said: “The best of you is the one
who is best to his wife, and I am the best of you to my wives.”.
Rulings
on the mourning of a woman whose husband has died[3]
Allaah says (interpretation of the
meaning):
And those of you who die and leave
wives behind them, they (the wives) shall wait (as regards their marriage) for
four months and ten days, then when they have fulfilled their term, there is no
sin on you if they (the wives) dispose of themselves in a just and honourable
manner (i.e., they can marry). And Allaah is Well-Acquainted with what you do. [Holy Quran Chapter
al-Baqarah 2:234]
And those of you who die and leave
behind wives should bequeath for their wives a years maintenance and residence
without turning them out, but if they (wives) leave, there is no sin on you for
that which they do of themselves, provided it is honourable (e.g., lawful
marriage). And Allaah is All-Mighty, All-Wise. [Holy Quran Chapter al-Baqarah 2:240]
Umm Atiyah reported that the
Messenger of Allaah (ﷺ)
said: No woman should mourn for a dead person for more than three days, except
for a husband, (in which case the period of mourning is) four months and ten
days. She should not wear any coloured clothes, only simple dress. She should
not apply kohl to her eyes, or use perfume, except for a little qust or izfaar
(types of perfume), when she cleans herself after finishing her period. (Reported by Muslim, 2739).
Umm Habeebah bint Abi Sufyaan
reported that when the news of her fathers death reached her, she called for
some perfume and wiped it on her forearms, and said: I do not need it, but I
heard the Prophet (ﷺ)
say: It is not permitted for a woman who believes in Allaah and the Last Day to
mourn for any dead person for more than three days, except for a husband, (in
which case the period of mourning is) four months and ten days. (Reported by al-Bukhaari, 4926).
Umm Salamah, the wife of the Prophet
(ﷺ) reported that the Prophet (ﷺ) said: The woman whose husband has (recently) died should
not wear clothes dyed with safflower or torn clothes, or dye her hair, or use
kohl. (Reported by al-Nisaai, 3479, and others).
Zaynab bint Kab ibn Ujrah reported
that al-Furayah bint Maalik ibn Sinaan, the sister of Abu Saeed al-Khudri, told
her that she came to the Messenger of Allaah (ﷺ) and asked him whether she should go back to her people
among Banu Khudrah. Her husband had gone out in pursuit of some rebellious
slaves of his, and when he caught up with them at the edge of al-Qadoom, they
killed him. She said: I asked the Messenger of Allaah (ﷺ) whether I should go back to my
family, because my husband had not left me a place to live that belonged to
him, or any money for provisions. The Messenger of Allaah (ﷺ) said yes, so I started to leave,
and I had reached the hujurah (room) or the mosque, when the Messenger of
Allaah (ﷺ)
called me or told someone to call me. So I came back, and he asked me, What did
you say? I repeated the story I had told him about my husband. He said: Stay in
your house for the specified length of time. So I spent my iddah there, four
months and ten days. At the time of Uthmaan, he sent word to me asking about
this, so I told him, and he followed what I said and judged in accordance with
it. Muhammad ibn Bashshaar told us that Yahyaa ibn Saeed informed us that Sad
ibn Ishaaq ibn Kab ibn Ujrah informed us of something similar. Reported by
al-Tirmidhi, who said: This is a saheeh hasan hadeeth. The majority of scholars
among the Companions of the Prophet (ﷺ) and others followed this hadeeth and did not allow a widow
to move out of her husbands home until her iddah was over. (Sunan al-Tirmidhi, 1125).
On the basis of the texts quoted
above, the scholars have defined the rules governing widows and described how
the widows mourning should affect her life. These rules may be summed up as
follows:
1. It is forbidden for the
recently-widowed woman to use perfume, whether on her body or on her clothes
2. It is forbidden for the
recently-widowed woman to adorn herself with things like henna or facial
make-up, or to use kohl unnecessarily, or to use anything else that may make
her beautiful and attractive to others.
3. It is forbidden for the
recently-widowed woman to wear attractive clothes, such as clothes dyed with
safflower or saffron, or other types of red dyes and colours that are used for
adornment.
4. It is forbidden for the
recently-widowed woman to wear jewellery.
5. It is forbidden for the
recently-widowed woman to spend the night outside her own home, meaning the
home of her deceased husband, except for some islamically legitimate reason,
such as her being afraid for her own safety, or being evicted by the landlord
of rented premises, etc. If a recently-widowed woman needs to go out for
medical treatment, to attend legal proceedings in court, to take exams in
school, or to go shopping when she has no-one who can do this for her, then she
should do these things during the day, so long as she comes back home to her
husbands house before maghrib (sunset).
6. She is forbidden to marry or draw
up a marriage contract; even engagement is forbidden, unless it is merely
hinted at and not stated clearly.
From the above, it is clear that
Islam gives the husband immense rights. The wife should give up wearing
adornments and perfume, and should stay in her husbands home during this period
because of those rights. These rules also pay attention to her psychological
state at this time when she has lost her support. Even though these rules are
so clear, many people have still fallen prey to many different kinds of bidah
when it comes to mourning, so they forbid a woman to do things that are not
forbidden in Islam, and they fabricate lies and introduce bidah into the
religion of Allaah. Shaykh Abd al-Azeez ibn Baaz said:
Some people may think and imagine
that a recently widowed woman should not speak to anyone, or speak to anyone on
the telephone, or have a bath more than once a week, or walk barefoot in her
house, or go outside in the moonlight, or other such nonsense which has no
basis. But in fact she is allowed to walk barefoot or with shoes in her house,
to do whatever she needs to in her house, to cook food for herself and her
guests, to walk in the moonlight on the roof or in the garden of her house, to
take a bath whenever she wants, to speak to whomever she wants so long as it is
decent talk, to shake hands with other women and with her mahram relatives
(close relatives such as father, brother, etc.) but not with non-mahrams, and
to remove her headcovering so long as there are no non-mahrams present. She
should not use henna, saffron or perfume, and she is not allowed to get engaged
a hint is permissible but not a clear statement. And Allaah is the source of
strength. (Fataawaa Islamiyah, 3/316)
Shaykh Abd-Allaah ibn Jibreen said:
Wearing black to mourn the deceased is a form of bidah, and the wives of the
deceased only need to avoid fancy clothes, adornment, jewellery, makeup and
perfume during the mourning period. Neglecting regular work during the mourning
period is also a form of bidah. The recently widowed woman should still take
care of cooking, cleaning, washing dishes, laundry, etc., and there is no sin involved
in doing so. (al-Lulu al-Makeen, 39).
Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih
al-Uthaymeen said:
Wearing special clothes to accept
condolences is a form of bidah, in our opinion, because it could indicate that
one is discontent with the decree of Allaah, may He be glorified. (Fataawaa
al-Taziyah, 38).
He also said:
Wearing black as a sign of mourning
is a false symbol that has no basis. At times of bereavement a person should do
what is taught by Islam, which is to say: Innaa Lillaahi wa innaa ilayhi
raajioon. Allaahummajurni fi museebati wakhluf li khayran minhaa (To Allaah we
belong and unto Him is our return. O Allah, recompense me for my affliction and
replace it for me with something better). As regards wearing some special
clothing, such as wearing black and so on, this has no basis, and it is false
and reprehensible conduct. (Fataawa
Islamiyah, 3/313).
Obeying
one’s husband comes before obeying one’s parents and siblings[4]
The Qur’aan and Sunnah indicate that
the husband has a confirmed right over his wife, and that she is commanded to
obey him, treat him well and put obedience to him above obedience to her
parents and brothers. Indeed, he is her paradise and her hell. For example,
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“Men are the protectors and
maintainers of women, because Allaah has made one of them to excel the other,
and because they spend (to support them) from their means” [Holy Quran Chapter al-Nisa’ 4:34]
And the Prophet (ﷺ) said: “It is not permissible for a
woman to fast when her husband is present except with his permission, or to
allow anyone in his house without his permission.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 4899.
Al-Albaani (may Allaah have mercy on
him) said, commenting on this hadeeth: Since it is obligatory for a woman to
obey her husband with regard to his satisfying his desire, it is more
appropriate that it be obligatory for her to obey him in that which is more
important than that, namely raising their children, guiding the family, and
other rights and duties. From Adaab
al-Zafaaf, p. 282
Ibn Hibbaan narrated that Abu
Hurayrah said: The Prophet (ﷺ) said: “If a woman prays her five (daily prayers), fasts
her month (Ramadaan), guards her chastity and obeys her husband, it will be
said to her: ‘Enter Paradise from whichever of the gates of Paradise you
wish.’” Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani
in Saheeh al-Jaami’, no. 660.
Ibn Maajah (1853) narrated that
‘Abd-Allaah ibn Abi Awfa said: When Mu’aadh came from Syria, he prostrated to
the Prophet (ﷺ)
who said, “What is this, O Mu'aadh?” He said, I went to Syria and saw them
prostrating to their archbishops and patriarchs, and I wanted to do that for
you. The Messenger of Allaah (S) said, “Do not do that. If I were to command
anyone to prostrate to anyone other than Allaah, I would have commanded women
to prostrate to their husbands. By the One in Whose hand is the soul of
Muhammad, no woman can fulfil her duty towards Allaah until she fulfils her
duty towards her husband. If he asks her (for intimacy) even if she is on her
camel saddle, she should not refuse.” Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh
Ibn Maajah.
Ahmad (19025) and al-Haakim narrated
from al-Husayn ibn Muhsin that his paternal aunt came to the Prophet (ﷺ) for something and he dealt with
her need, then the Prophet (ﷺ) said: “Do you have a husband?” She said, “Yes.” He said:
“How are you with him?” She said, “I do not neglect any of his rights except
those I am unable to fulfil.” He said: “Look at how you are with him, for he is
your paradise and your hell” – i.e., he is the cause of you entering Paradise
if you fulfil his rights and the cause of your entering Hell if you fall short
in that.
Al-Mundhiri classed the isnaad of
this hadeeth as jayyid in al-Targheeb wa’l-Tarheeb; it was classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Targheeb wa’l-Tarheeb, no.
1933.
If there is a conflict between
obedience to one’s husband and obedience to one’s parents, then obedience to
one’s husband takes priority. Imam Ahmad (may Allaah have mercy on him) said
concerning a woman who has a husband and a sick mother: Obeying her husband is
more obligatory upon her than (taking care of) her mother, unless he gives her
permission. (Sharh Muntaha al-Iraadaat, 3/47).
In al-Insaaf (8/362) it says: She
does not have to obey her parents with regard to leaving her husband or
visiting etc., rather obedience to the husband takes priority.
There is a hadeeth concerning this
issue which was narrated by al-Haakim from ‘Aa’ishah (may Allaah be pleased
with her) who said: I asked the Messenger of Allaah (ﷺ), “Who has the most right over a woman?” He said: “Her
husband.” I said, “Who has the most right over a man?” He said, “His mother.”
But this is a weak (da’eef) hadeeth,
which was classed as such by al-Albaani in Da’eef al-Targheeb wa’l-Tarheeb,
1212, and he criticized al-Mundhiri for classing it as hasan.
Hard/Simple test
To our men/women today.
Sit
down with your wife and calculate or check your and her shortcomings and
correct them before the Day you will never correct it. Simple test but very
hard.
Some points are relevant while
others in some areas not important. Why? They will say cultural methodology and
conflict with religion.
And Allah knows best
References
http://www.islamicity.org/8603/the-status-of-parents-in-islam/
http://muslim-academy.com/rights-parents-islam/
Islam Q&A,
ttps://islamqa.info/en/137243
Islam Q&A,
ttps://islamqa.info/en/78375
Islam Q&A,
ttps://islamqa.info/en/34841
Islam Q&A, ttps://islamqa.info/en/23349
Islam Q&A,
ttps://islamqa.info/en/20949
Islam Q&A,
ttps://islamqa.info/en/26890
Islam Q&A,
ttps://islamqa.info/en/82702
Islam Q&A,
https://islamqa.info/en/20064
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid, https://islamqa.info/en/10680
Islam Q&A,
ttps://islamqa.info/en/82968
Islam Q&A,
ttps://islamqa.info/en/11446, Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid
Islam Q&A,
ttps://islamqa.info/en/171265
Islam Q&A,
ttps://islamqa.info/en/2127, Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid
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