Tuesday, 22 September 2020

Thanking Allah for His Many Blessings

 

Thanking Allah for His Many Blessings

Bismillah Walhamdulillah Was Salaatu Was Salaam 'ala Rasulillah. As-Salaam Alaikum Wa-Rahmatullahi Wa-Barakatuhu.
Praise be to Allaah; we seek His help and His forgiveness. We seek refuge with Allaah from the evil of our own souls and from our bad deeds. Whomsoever Allaah guides will never be led astray, and whomsoever Allaah leaves astray, no one can guide. I bear witness that there is no god but Allaah, and I bear witness that Muhammad (Sallalhu alaihi Wasalam) is His slave and Messenger.
PREAMBLE
What are the best ways a Muslim can thank Allah for all the blessings He has bestowed on us.
Answer
Praise be to Allah.
Firstly:
Thanks or gratitude means reciprocating kindness and giving praise to the one who has done good and kind things. The one who is most deserving of thanks and praise from people is Allah, may He be glorified and exalted, because of the great favours and blessings that He has bestowed upon His slaves in both spiritual and worldly terms. Allah has commanded us to give thanks to Him for those blessings, and not to deny them. He says (interpretation of the meaning):
“Therefore remember Me (by praying, glorifying). I will remember you, and be grateful to Me (for My countless favours on you) and never be ungrateful to Me” [2:152]
Secondly:
The greatest ones who obeyed this command, and gave thanks to their Lord until they deserved to be described as shaakir and shakoor (thankful) are the Prophets and Messengers (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him).
Allah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“Verily, Ibrahim was an Ummah (a leader having all the good righteous qualities), or a nation, obedient to Allah, Haneef (i.e. to worship none but Allah), and he was not one of those who were Al Mushrikoon (polytheists, idolaters, disbelievers in the Oneness of Allah, and those who joined partners with Allah).
121. (He was) thankful for His (Allah’s) favours. He (Allah) chose him (as an intimate friend) and guided him to a Straight Path (Islamic Monotheism — neither Judaism nor Christianity)” [16:120, 121]
“O offspring of those whom We carried (in the ship) with Nûh (Noah)! Verily, he was a grateful slave” [17:3]
Thirdly:
Allah has mentioned some of the blessings that He has bestowed upon His slaves, and has commanded them to be grateful for them, and has told us that few of His slaves give thanks to Him:
Allah says (interpretation of the meaning):
1.
“O you who believe (in the Oneness of Allah — Islamic Monotheism)! Eat of the lawful things that We have provided you with, and be grateful to Allah, if it is indeed He Whom you worship” [2:172]
2.
“And surely, We gave you authority on the earth and appointed for you therein provisions (for your life). Little thanks do you give”[7:10]
3.
“And among His Signs is this, that He sends the winds as glad tidings, giving you a taste of His Mercy (i.e. rain), and that the ships may sail at His Command, and that you may seek of His Bounty, in order that you may be thankful” [31:46]
4.
Among spiritual blessings, He mentions (interpretation of the meaning):
“O you who believe! When you intend to offer As-Salah (the prayer), wash your faces and your hands (forearms) up to the elbows, rub (by passing wet hands over) your heads, and (wash) your feet up to the ankles. If you are in a state of Janaba (i.e. after a sexual discharge), purify yourselves (bathe your whole body). But if you are ill or on a journey, or any of you comes after answering the call of nature, or you have been in contact with women (i.e. sexual intercourse), and you find no water, then perform Tayammum (dry ablution) with clean earth and rub therewith your faces and hands. Allah does not want to place you in difficulty, but He wants to purify you, and to complete His favour to you that you may be thankful” [5:6]
and there are many other blessings. We have only mentioned some of these blessings here; listing all of them is impossible, as Allah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“And He gave you of all that you asked for, and if you count the blessings of Allah, never will you be able to count them. Verily, man is indeed an extreme wrongdoer, a disbeliever (an extreme ingrate who denies Allah’s blessings by disbelief, and by worshipping others besides Allah, and by disobeying Allah and His Prophet Muhammad” [14:34]
Then Allah blessed us and forgave us our shortcomings in giving thanks for these blessings. He says (interpretation of the meaning):
“And if you would count the favours of Allah, never could you be able to count them. Truly, Allah is Oft Forgiving, Most Merciful” [16:18]
The Muslim is always asking his Lord to help him to give thanks to Him, because were it not for Allah’s helping His slave, he would not be able to give thanks. Hence it is prescribed in the saheeh Sunnah (authentic prophetic teachings) to ask for help from Allah to give thanks to Him.
It was narrated from Mu’aadh ibn Jabal that the Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) took his hand and said: “O Mu’aadh, by Allah I love you, by Allah I love you.” Then he said, “I advise you, O Mu’aadh, do not fail following every prayer to say: O Allah help me to remember You, thank You and worship You properly.”
Narrated by Abu Dawood and al-Nasaa’i .
Gratitude for blessings is a cause of them being increased, as Allah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“And (remember) when your Lord proclaimed: ‘If you give thanks (by accepting faith and worshipping none but Allah), I will give you more (of My blessings); but if you are thankless (i.e. disbelievers), verily, My punishment is indeed severe’” [14:7]
Fourthly:
How can a person thank his Lord for His great blessings? His gratitude should fulfil all the necessary conditions, which are gratitude of the heart, gratitude of the tongue and gratitude of the physical faculties.
Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
Gratitude may be in the heart, in submission and humility; on the tongue, in praise and acknowledgement; and in the physical faculties, by means of obedience and submission.
Madaarij al-Saalikeen (2/246)
The details of that:
1.
Gratitude of the heart: what is meant is that the heart senses the value of the blessings that Allah has bestowed upon His slave, and fully acknowledges that the one who has bestowed these great blessings is Allah alone, with no partner or associate. Allah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“And whatever of blessings and good things you have, it is from Allah”[16:53].
This acknowledgement is not mustahabb (recommended), rather it is obligatory. Whoever attributes these blessings to anyone other than Allah has disbelieved.
Shaykh ‘Abd al-Rahman al-Sa’di (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
What man should do is attribute blessings to Allah and acknowledge them fully. Thus he will attain complete Tawheed. Whoever denies the blessings of Allah in his heart or on his tongue, is a kafir (disbeliever) and has nothing to do with Islam.
Whoever affirms in his heart that all blessings come from Allah alone, but verbally he sometimes attributes them to Allah and sometimes attributes them to himself, or his actions, or the efforts of someone else -- as happens on the lips of many people -- this is something that the person must repent from, and he should not attribute blessings to anyone except their Creator, and he must strive to make himself do that, because faith and Tawheed cannot be attained except by attributing blessings to Allah.
The gratitude which is the head of faith is based on three pillars: acknowledgement of the heart of all the blessings that Allah has bestowed upon him, and upon others, and talking about them; praising Allah for them; and using them to obey the One Who bestowed the blessings and to worship Him.
Al-Qawl al-Sadeed fi Maqaasid al-Tawheed (p. 140)
Allah says, describing the situation of one who denies attribution of blessings to Allah (interpretation of the meaning):
“They recognise the Grace of Allah, yet they deny it (by worshipping others besides Allah) and most of them are disbelievers (deny the Prophethood of Muhammad)”[16:83].
Ibn Katheer (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
i.e., they acknowledge that Allah is the One Who grants them that, and He is the One Who bestows that favour upon them, yet despite that they deny it, and worship others alongside Him, and attribute victory and provision to someone other than Him.
Tafseer Ibn Katheer (4/592).
2.
As for gratitude of the tongue, it means acknowledging verbally - after believing in the heart- that the One Who grants blessing is indeed Allah, and keeping the tongue busy with praise of Allah, may He be glorified and exalted.
Allah says, explaining His blessings to His slave Muhammad (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him): “And He found you poor and made you rich (self sufficient with self contentment)?” [93:8]. Then He reminded him in return for that: “And proclaim the grace of your Lord (i.e. the Prophethood and all other graces)” [al-Duha 93:11].
Ibn Katheer (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
i.e., as you were poor and in need, then Allah made you rich and independent of means: then speak of the blessing of Allah bestowed upon you.
Tafseer Ibn Katheer (8/427).
It was narrated that Anas ibn Malik said: the Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “Allah is pleased with a person who eats some food and then praises Him for it, or who drinks some drink and then praises Him for it.”
Narrated by Muslim
Abu’l-‘Abbas al-Qurtubi (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
Praise here means gratitude, and we have seen above that praise may take the place of gratitude but gratitude may not take the place of praise. This indicates that gratitude for blessings -- even if they are few -- is a means of attaining the pleasure of Allah, may He be exalted, which is the noblest situation of the people of Paradise. When the people of Paradise say, “You have given to us what You have not given to anyone among Your creation,” Allah will say to them: “ Shall I not give you something better than that?” They will say, “What is it? Have You not brightened our faces, and admitted us to Paradise and saved us from Hell?” He will say, “I bestow My pleasure upon you, and I will never be angry with you after that.”
Gratitude is a means of attaining that great honour because it implies acknowledgement of the Bestower of blessings and acknowledging Him alone as the Creator of that blessing and the One Who caused it to reach the recipient of the blessing, as an honour and favour from the Bestower, and that the recipient of the blessing is poor and is in need of that blessing, and cannot do without it. So this is an acknowledgement of the rights and bounty of Allah, and the duty and need of the slave. So Allah has caused the reward for that acknowledgement to be this great honour.
Al-Mufhim lima ashkala min Talkhees Kitaab Muslim (7/60, 61).
Hence some of the salaf (righteous predecessors) said: Whoever conceals a blessing has denied it, but whoever manifests it and spreads it has given thanks for it.
Ibn al-Qayyim said, commenting on that:
This is based on the words: “When Allah bestows a blessing upon a person, He loves the effect of His blessing to be seen on His slave.”
Madaarij al-Saalikeen (2/246).
It was narrated from ‘Umar ibn ‘Abd al-‘Azeez (may Allah have mercy on him) that he said: Remind one another of blessings, for mentioning them is gratitude.
3.
Gratitude of the physical faculties means using one's physical faculties in obedience of Allah and keeping them from committing sins and acts of disobedience that Allah has forbidden.
Allah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“ ‘Work you, O family of Dawood (David), with thanks!”” [34:13]
It was narrated that ‘Aishah said: When the Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) prayed, he would stand for so long that his feet became swollen. ‘Aishah said: O Messenger of Allah, are you doing this when Allah has forgiven your past and future sins? He said: “O ‘Aishah, should I not be a thankful slave?”
Narrated by al-Bukhari and Muslim.
Ibn Battaal (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
Al-Tabari said: the correct view concerning that is that the person’s gratitude is affirming that this is from Allah and no one else, and affirmation of this fact is action, and it is confirmed by action. As for the affirmation which is contradicted by action, the one who does that does not deserve to be called grateful at all. But it may be called gratitude of the tongue. The evidence that this is true is the words of Allah (interpretation of the meaning): “ ‘Work you, O family of Dawood (David), with thanks!’”[ 34:13]. It is well known that He did not order them, when He said that to them, to affirm His blessings, because they did not deny that this was a favour from Him to them. Rather He commanded them to give thanks for His blessings by obeying Him in their actions. Similarly, the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him), when his feet swelled up as he was praying at night, said: “Should I not be a thankful slave?”
Sharh Saheeh al-Bukhaari.
Abu Haroon said: I entered upon Abu Hazim, and said to him: May Allah have mercy on you, what is the gratitude of the eyes? He said: If you see something good with them, you mention it, and if you see something bad with them, you conceal it. I said: What is the gratitude of the ears? He said: If you hear something good with them, you remember it, and if you hear something bad with them, you forget it.
Ibn Rajab al-Hanbali (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
Gratitude is of two degrees, one of which is obligatory, which is doing obligatory actions and avoiding haram (unlawful) things. This is essential and is sufficient as gratitude for these blessings.
Hence one of the salaf said:
Gratitude means giving up sin.
And one of them said: Gratitude means not using any blessing to help one to disobey Him.
Abu Hazim al-Zahid mentioned gratitude of all the physical faculties: (It means) refraining from sin, and using them to help one to do acts of obedience. Then he said: As for the one who gives thanks with his tongue but does not give thanks with all of his physical faculties, his likeness is that of a man who has a cloak and takes hold of the edge of it, but does not put it on, so it is of no benefit to him against cold or heat or snow or rain.
The second degree of gratitude is that which is mustahabb, which is when, after doing obligatory actions and avoiding haram things, a person does supererogatory acts of worship. This is the degree of those who have gone ahead and closer to Allah.
Jaami’ al-‘Uloom wa’l-Hukam (p. 245, 246)
Summary:
In order to be grateful to your Lord for the blessings that He has bestowed upon you, you must acknowledge in your heart that the giver of these blessings and the Bestower is Allah, may He be exalted, so you venerate Him, attribute it to Him, and you acknowledge that with your tongue, so you give thanks to Him after waking from sleep for having given new life, and after eating and drinking for having provided you with them and bestowed them upon you, and so on with every blessing that you see in your life.
You give thanks with your physical faculties by not letting them see or hear any sin or evil, such as singing or gossip; you do not walk with your feet to haram places; you do not use your hands to commit evil, such as haram writing in a relationship with non-mahram women (one whom you can marry according to Islamic law), or writing haram contracts, or making or doing anything haram. Giving thanks with the physical faculties for blessings also includes using them to obey Allah, by reading Quran and books of knowledge, listening to beneficial and useful things, and so on with all the faculties which you should use in various kinds of obedience and worship.
Remember that gratitude for blessings is a blessing which needs to be given thanks for, so that one will continue to enjoy the blessings of his Lord, thanking his Lord for those blessings and praising Him for helping him to be among those who give thanks.
We ask Allah, may He be exalted, to help us and you to do that which He loves and which pleases Him.
And Allah knows best.
Source: Islam Q&A, 125984

Wednesday, 2 September 2020

BIG FAT HARAAM WEDDING WITHIN THE UMMAH

 

BIG FAT HARAAM WEDDING WITHIN THE UMMAH

ASSEMBLED BY MALLAM ABBA ABANA, KUBWA, ABUJA, NIGERIA

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Thurdsay 14th MUHARRAM 1442 AH AND 2nd SEPTEMBER 2020 CE

Bismillah Walhamdulillah Was Salaatu Was Salaam 'ala Rasulillah. As-Salaam Alaikum Wa-Rahmatullahi Wa-Barakatuhu.

Praise be to Allaah; we seek His help and His forgiveness. We seek refuge with Allaah from the evil of our own souls and from our bad deeds. Whomsoever Allaah guides will never be led astray, and whomsoever Allaah leaves astray, no one can guide. I bear witness that there is no god but Allaah, and I bear witness that Muhammad (Sallalhu alaihi Wasalam) is His slave and Messenger.

PREAMBLE

In Islam, men and women are required to dress modestly. Both sexes are gift from Allah and sexual relationships should be restricted to marriage only between a man and a woman. Meetings between unmarried couples are traditionally escorted pre-marriages. In the Qur’an, unmarried Muslims are warned against sex before marriage.

Abstract

With reference to the Nigerian Constitution where it guarantees the rights to have a family life, and freedom of religion, it recognizes three forms of marriage, which are acknowledged as distinct and separate from each other, namely

a)    Customary marriage,

b)   Islamic marriage, and

c)    Statutory marriage.

While statutory marriage is required to be registered by law, there is no law necessitating the registration of customary or Islamic marriages.

The sanctity of marriage is a well-established standard globally, and matrimonial relationships are universally recognized and respected as a necessary prerequisite for the establishment of a legitimate family. Marriage is a social institution which is guided by the socio-cultural and religious norms in every society. Where a nation is populated by people of different ethnicities and religions, the recognition and application of different systems of law will naturally be required pertaining to their respective customs, and this reflects mostly in the forms of their ceremonies including marriage.

Nowhere does this ring truer than in Nigeria, Africa’s most populous country with an estimated population of 184 million people.

It is also one of the most ethnically diverse countries in the world with well over 250 ethno-linguistic groups, some of which are larger than many sovereign states in Africa.

Roughly half of the population in Nigeria is Muslim, followed by a large percentage of Christians, and a minority population of traditional religious practitioners and atheists.

In recent times, statutory marriage has gained popularity amongst Nigerians regardless of cultural or religious affiliations due to the protection it offers against socio-legal challenges such as the need to prove marriage for purposes of official transactions, increase in interfaith marriages, immigration, long distance marriages, protection against arbitrary divorce, etc. Thus, it is now common to find couples who may have contracted customary or Islamic marriage applying to contract statutory marriage, thereby engaging in multi-tiered contracts by combining marriages under different systems of law, and thus subjecting the regulation of their family life to multiple systems of law.

Islamic marriage, and Steps to consider before Marriage

In Nigeria we are populated by people of different ethnicities and religions, the recognition and application of different systems of law in the forms of ceremonies like marriage. Due to such different ethnicities, many Muslims are indirectly involved in borrowing other customs as if allowed in Islam! We should know that the act of marriage is an important part of the Muslim religion, and finding the right soul mate is necessary for any Muslim man or Muslim woman.

Marriage is held in very high regard in the Muslim culture and it is not something to be taken lightly.

Finding the right man or woman to spend the rest of your life with is the most important thing you can do as evident in this verse "Women of purity are for men of purity, and men of purity are for women of purity” (Quran Chapter 24:26)

Marriage remains a powerful institution in Islam, Those who follow the Qur’an faithfully and obey Islamic law know precisely why it is very important to select a very good spouse as a bad spouse can not only ruin a family but can ruin a generation or the society in General.

The choice of a marriage partner is one of the most important decisions a person will make in his or her lifetime. It should not be taken lightly, nor left to chance or hormones. It should be taken as seriously as any other major decision in life - with prayer, careful investigation, and of course family involvement.

In this vein, here are few steps we should take before considering our marriage i.e. to be wife and husband

1. Educate Ourselves

a)    Learn about the etiquette of seeking a spouse, what is permissible to do and what is impermissible

b)   Research what type of meaningful questions to ask

c)    Learn about your responsibilities and rights over each other (as husband/wife)

d)    Find out the Sunnah acts of marriage and romance (there are beautiful examples from the Seerah)

e)    Pay the Islamic Bookshop a visit for reading material on this chapter in life

2. Decide On Desired Characteristics

a.    Make a list of characteristics you want your spouse to have; keep in mind that you are not perfect and cannot expect your spouse to be for we are reminded in many Ahadith that what we perceive as a disliked quality may be good for us

b.    Recognize traits or values that he/she must have and also areas that you are willing to compromise, no one is perfect!

c.    Review this list and make sure it is realistic and reflect on your own self, what qualities do you have to offer?

3. Consider a Potential Spouse

a.    Consult trusted friends, family, the local mosque for help

b.    Hold meetings in the presence of a Wali (guardian)

c.    Ensure you or your family speak to this prospective partner’s close friends and family to gain a complete and truthful insight into the person

d.    Reflect upon his/her character traits, values, expectations, goals/dreams, and your compatibility in this respect

4. Pray Istikhara (The Guidance Prayer)

a.    Pray Istikhara for counsel, guidance and make Du’a

b.    Consult family and friends and take good advice

c.    Seek your parents approval and blessing, a really important factor to ensure they agree with your decision

Finally, having come this long way – Place your trust in Allah when you have made your decision, and in Shaa Allah it will be the start of a productive chapter of your lives.

 

Problems of Displeasing Allah [Subhanahu Wa Taala] Before Marriage.

In order to get married many of us get tempted to do things, which will displease Allah [Subhanahu Wa Taala] by borrowing other customs and cultures or religions:-

a)    In order to find the right person we may date or go to mixed weddings and not wear hijaab to attract a potential suitor or choose not to wear hijaab on the wedding day.

b)   We may date our fiancée before the wedding or we may waste money on things which aren’t needed like the ice swan, the water feature, the expensive orchids and the circus acrobat.

c)    We may have music with a dance floor.

d)    We may have ceremonies [customs], which are not in our religion but are borrowed from other religions or shirk format.

e)    We may order a banquet fit [hotel] for a king for catering, but we waste most of the food.

But if we really understood how much every detail of happiness is in Allah's [Subhanahu Wa Taala] control, we would choose Allah [Subhanahu Wa Taala] over our own desires and Allah [Subhanahu Wa Taala] over the desires of His creation.

“…and to Him return all affairs (for decision). So worship Him (O Muhammad [Sallalahu Alaihi Wa Salaam]) and put your trust in Him. And your Lord is not unaware of what you (people) do." (Quran Surah 11 v123)

We need to understand that every relationship, including that which is created through marriage, is only from Allah [Subhanahu Wa Taala].

“And it is He Who has created man from water, and has appointed for him kindred by blood, and kindred by marriage. And your Lord is Ever All-Powerful to do what He wills.” (S25v54)

So who our in-laws will be and therefore how they will treat us is in the hands of Allah [Subhanahu Wa Taala].

Understand that your husband has been created only by Allah [Subhanahu Wa Taala] as a Libaas (a body cover or clothing).

“It is made lawful for you to have sexual relations with your wives on the night of As-Saum (the fasts). They are Lîbaas for you and you are the same for them.” (Quran Surah 2v187)

Why did Allah [Subhanahu Wa Taala] use the word "libaas" to describe this relationship between a husband and a wife?

If we think about it, libaas or clothing has so many functions, which can be extrapolated also to the relationship between a husband and a wife.

Importance of Clothing [libaas]:

1)    Covers our modesty

2)    Beautifies us

3)    Complements us

4)    Protects us from the environment

5)    Gives us comfort

6)    Gives us honour/humility

7)    Gives us confidence

8)    Hides our faults

9)    Fits us perfectly

Similarly, not only will Allah [Subhanahu Wa Taala] provide us with a husband but also someone who fits us perfectly.

We need to understand that only Allah [Subhanahu Wa Taala] will place affection and mercy between us and our husbands. Why does Allah [Subhanahu Wa Taala] mention affection (muwaddat) and why not “old fashioned love” (muhabbat)? Because muwaddat is love which is expressed. Someone may love someone else but may not show that person that they do by constantly hurting their feelings or by offending them. Muwaddat is the love that when expressed enables the person to be concerned for your welfare, to worry about you, to look after you when you need it.

“And among His Signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect.” (Quran Surah 30v21)

So if we understand the above then we will place our trust in Allah [Subhanahu Wa Taala] in every way.

We place our trust in Allah [Subhanahu Wa Taala] that He will provide us with in-laws who we get along with and who love and respect us and it is not our ability to speak their language, to compromise our values for them, nor our family’s support that will achieve this.

We place our trust in Allah [Subhanahu Wa Taala] that He will provide us with a husband who is created perfectly for us and who pleases us in every way and it is not our ability to look dazzling without hijaab in a crowded room to catch men’s attention, or dating many men that will achieve this.

We place our trust in Allah [Subhanahu Wa Taala] that He will place affection and mercy between our husband and us and it is not our youth or our beauty, education or sense of humour or our similar interests or similarity in background that will achieve this.

If Allah [Subhanahu Wa Taala] is the only one who can put so much love and mercy between us and our husband and provide us with a perfect husband and provide us with perfect in-laws, then we need to only ask Allah [Subhanahu Wa Taala] for happiness in our future lives.

“And to Allâh belongs the Ghaib (unseen) of the heavens and the earth, and to Him return all affairs (for decision). So worship Him (O Muhammad [Sallalahu Alaihi Wa Salaam]) and put your trust in Him. And your Lord is not unaware of what you (people) do." (Quran Surah 11v123)

Instead we will call and rely upon others for our happiness. Instead we rely upon ourselves for our happiness. We rely upon our families, our beauty, our youth, our education, our family’s social standing in the community, our job...we even start to rely upon our husbands to make it work and make us happy etc.

“O mankind! A similitude has been coined, so listen to it (carefully): Verily! Those on whom you call besides Allâh, cannot create (even) a fly, even though they combine together for the purpose. And if the fly snatched away a thing from them, they would have no power to release it from the fly. So weak are (both) the seeker and the sought. They have not estimated Allâh His Rightful Estimate; Verily, Allâh is All-Strong, All-Mighty.” (Quran Surah 22v73-74)

Not only will we call and rely upon others, we will disobey Allah (subhaana wa tala) to please others. To please our families, our future husband and future in-laws we will talk to our fiancée alone, have a mixed wedding, have music and dancing at the event, not wear Hijaab in front of non-mahrum men, waste money in lavish extras etc. We get so carried away ourselves in making our wedding the ultimate example to follow and envy by our guests that we displease Him - Ar-Rahmaan who gave us this day to celebrate in the first place.

"Some people set up equals with Allah, loving them as they should love Allah. But those with faith have greater love for Allah." (Quran Surah 2v165)

Instead we should fear Allah [Subhanahu Wa Taala] who gave us this day, this person, this new family. If we displease Him, just as He gave something so wanted by us He will take it away from us or place in it unhappiness for us.

“Whatever of good reaches you, is from Allâh, but whatever of evil befalls you, is from yourself.” (Quran Surah 4v79)

If we do not fear Allah [Subhanahu Wa Taala] and with humbleness turn to Allah [Subhanahu Wa Taala] and ask His forgiveness and if we do not obey Allah then the fate of those before us will be our fate:

“…But their hearts became hardened, and Shaitân (Satan) made fair seeming to them that which they used to do. So, when they forgot (the warning) with which they had been reminded, We opened to them the gates of every (pleasant) thing, until in the midst of their enjoyment in that which they were given, all of a sudden, We took them to punishment, and lo! They were plunged into destruction with deep regrets and sorrows. So the roots of the people who did wrong were cut off. And all the praises and thanks be to Allâh, the Lord of the 'Alamîn (mankind, jinns, and all that exists).” (Quran Surah 6v43-5)

The frightening thing about the above verse of the Quran is that Allah (subhanahu wa ta'ala) gave these people everything that they desired and it was then that Allah [Subhanahu Wa Taala] punished them by taking it away from them. This is worse than never having something and it being kept away from you because you don’t know what you are missing out on. We need to be careful that we don’t forget Allah in our happiness and contentment. And it will not matter if we picked and chose from our religion some aspects that we obeyed Allah [Subhanahu Wa Taala] on and disobeyed Allah [Subhanahu Wa Taala] on other aspects:

“Then do you believe in a part of the Scripture and reject the rest? Then what is the recompense of those who do so among you, except disgrace in the life of this world, and on the Day of Resurrection they shall be consigned to the most grievous torment. And Allâh is not unaware of what you do. Those are they who have bought the life of this world at the price of the Hereafter. Their torment shall not be lightened nor shall they be helped.” (Quran Surah 2v85-6)

We need to obey Allah [Subhanahu Wa Taala] in all aspects of our religion; on all that Allah [Subhanahu Wa Taala] asked us to do in the Qur’an and in the commands of the Prophet (may the peace and blessings of Allah be upon him). Instead we should fear Allah [Subhanahu Wa Taala] so that if anything, Allah [Subhanahu Wa Taala] will provide us with the best.

“And whosoever fears Allâh and keeps his duty to Him, He will make a way for him to get out (from every difficulty). And He will provide him from (sources) he never could imagine. And whosoever puts his trust in Allâh then He will suffice him. Verily, Allâh will accomplish his purpose. Indeed Allâh has set a measure for all things.” (Quran Surah 65v2-3)

Having fear of Allah is what will give you blessings from Allah. Blessings with respect to love and mercy between your husband and you, righteous and pious children, a high status with respect to the people in your community and on the Day of Judgement in front of Allah [Subhanahu Wa Taala].

“And if the people of the towns had believed and had the Taqwâ (fear of Allah), certainly, We should have opened for them blessings from the heaven and the earth, but they belied (the Messengers). So We took them (with punishment) for what they used to earn.” (Quran Surah 7v96)

Summary

Having fear of Allah is what will give you blessings from Allah - Allah will almost rip the heavens and the earth apart to give you these - from every direction. It was Taqwah which gave Mohammad (peace be upon him) the ability to return to Makkah when he and his followers had initially been driven out of Makkah for preaching and practicing Islam. It was Taqwah which led Muslims to being pioneers in the fields of astronomy, mathematics, medicine, physics, architecture etc. It was Taqwah which led to Yusuf (alayhisaalaam) becoming the financial Minister of Egypt.

And it will be Taqwah which will lead one to have happiness with her husband, in laws, children, community, etc. Allah Willing.

Sources

http://idealmuslimah.com/family/beforemarriage/1633-my-big-fat-haraam-wedding.html

https://www.pulse.ng/communities/religion/ask-the-sheikh-is-dating-allowed-before-marriage-in-islam/pmvcw1j

https://qa.islam.com/s/14584/how_wrong_is_a_premarital_relation_and_why#gsc.tab=0