FAMILY AFFAIRS, PROBLEMS AND THE STATUS OF THE FAMILY IN ISLAM (Part 1 of 20)

FAMILY AFFAIRS, PROBLEMS AND THE STATUS OF THE FAMILY IN ISLAM

ASSEMBLED BY MALLAM ABBA ABANA, KUBWA, ABUJA, NIGERIA

http://variousislamicdawadocuments.blogspot.com

https://web.facebook.com/abba.abana

emails:gonidamgamiri@yahoo.com; abba.abana@gmail.com

SUNDAY 8th SEPTEMBER 1441 AH – 8th MUHARRAM 2019 CE

TEL +2348186961697 (WHATSAPP)

(Part 1 of 20)

Bismillah Walhamdulillah Was Salaatu Was Salaam 'ala Rasulillah. As-Salaam Alaikum Wa-Rahmatullahi Wa-Barakatuhu.

Praise be to Allaah; we seek His help and His forgiveness. We seek refuge with Allaah from the evil of our own souls and from our bad deeds. Whomsoever Allaah guides will never be led astray, and whomsoever Allaah leaves astray, no one can guide. I bear witness that there is no god but Allaah, and I bear witness that Muhammad (Sallalhu alaihi Wasalam) is His slave and Messenger.

Contents

1. Preamble/Introduction

2. The Status Of The Family In Islam

3. She Is Asking About The Rights Of Women In Islam

4. Family Problems Caused By Husband’s Brother & Spouse’s Concerning Discussions

5. Girl Child Education, Disobedient Son & Childrearing In Islam

6. What Is The Ruling On One Who Discloses Secrets?

7. Pedagogy Education And Upbringing Children’s Upbringing

8. Wali Of Muslimah If Her Parents Are Kuffaar & Her Husband’s Sister Is Causing Problems

9. Her Husband Did Not Fulfil Her Hopes Of A Life Based On Religious Commitment & Is Having An Affair With A Non-Muslim Woman

10. He Is Complaining Of A Problem Between His Wife And His Sisters & Is The Husband Obliged To Spend On His Wife If She Is Working?

11. The Reward Of One Whose Child Dies And He Bears That With Patience & How Children Can Honour Their Parents

12. How to bury the deceased and offer condolences to his family

13. Aqīqah - naming ceremony of newly born baby

14. Etiquette of naming children

15. Description of the funeral prayer

16. Definition of miserliness according to Islamic teachings

17. The recording angels and the wisdom behind their presence

18. Conflict & divorce: tips for Muslim couples dealing with marital disputes in the west

19. Rights and duties of the mother’s husband and the stepdaughter

20. Conflict between spouses

1.0 PREAMBLE/INTRODUCTION.
We are introducing brief and few selected topics on family affairs, problems and the status of the family in Islam. The topics are not exhaustive but would give basic ground in African family setup particularly Nigeria where we have customs and norms in high proportion.

The importance of the family stems from its significant role, namely the making of an individual who benefits himself and others. This calls for a much longer, deeper and harder period of training. Preparing yourself only to care for yourself is not like preparing yourself to care for both yourself and others.

Raising minds is definitely different from raising livestock—you need more training and experience. Islam attaches great importance to the family for many reasons, most important of which are:-
1- The family gives rise to and provides a fertile ground for sound individuals. Within the family, children are nurtured by their parents who give them the love and tenderness they need. This phase can last more than fifteen years. As infants, parents give their children the most tender love and care; as children and adolescents, they instill in them principles, feelings, and beliefs; and as youths they guide them until they reach maturity. This mission equips children with the necessary knowledge to protect them from sins, hence setting them apart from beasts and animals who do not know their purpose in life.
2- The family is the basic building block of a larger society which itself is formed from the total sum of all the families put together. Accordingly, society needs to provide its members with care. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) instructed us to be careful when choosing a spouse since children take after their parents. Siblings in the same family need to receive the same care and education properly to play an effective role in reforming society and eliminate injustices.
3- The family shapes individuals, both men and women, and builds values nourished by guidance, support, encouragement, and so forth.
4- Because of the gravity of the responsibility entrusted to man, the greater his mission, the more thorough his training should be. For this reason Islam extends the guardianship over a person until he reaches adulthood and maybe even beyond in certain matters. University students could extend their training period to twenty years or more so they can emerge as positive members in their society, having the capacity to lead and influence. It is for these reasons that Islam places ultimate importance on the family.

This is manifest in:

A whole chapter “Al-Talaq” [Divorce] was revealed in the Quran addressing family affairs.

Many verses in the Quran comprise family-related provisions.

The Quranic chapter “Al-Mujadalah” [The Dispute] comprises instantaneous solutions to family problems.

Prophetic guidelines encouraging the formation of families. Addressing the youth, the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said: “O young people! Whoever among you is able to marry, should do so, and whoever is not able to marry, is to fast because fasting diminishes sexual desire” [Al-Bukhari].

The sound manner for forming a family starting with the marriage proposal, seeing a prospective wife, the marriage contract and so forth.

Explaining the rights and duties of every family member. This is expressed in the Quranic verse:

(٢٢٧) وَٱلۡمُطَلَّقَـٰتُ يَتَرَبَّصۡنَ بِأَنفُسِهِنَّ ثَلَـٰثَةَ قُرُوٓءٍ۬‌ۚ وَلَا يَحِلُّ لَهُنَّ أَن يَكۡتُمۡنَ مَا خَلَقَ ٱللَّهُ فِىٓ أَرۡحَامِهِنَّ إِن كُنَّ يُؤۡمِنَّ بِٱللَّهِ وَٱلۡيَوۡمِ ٱلۡأَخِرِ‌ۚ وَبُعُولَتُہُنَّ أَحَقُّ بِرَدِّهِنَّ فِى ذَٲلِكَ إِنۡ أَرَادُوٓاْ إِصۡلَـٰحً۬ا‌ۚ وَلَهُنَّ مِثۡلُ ٱلَّذِى عَلَيۡہِنَّ بِٱلۡمَعۡرُوفِ‌ۚ وَلِلرِّجَالِ عَلَيۡہِنَّ دَرَجَةٌ۬‌ۗ وَٱللَّهُ عَزِيزٌ حَكِيمٌ (٢٢٨)

 “Divorced women should wait for three menstrual cycles; it is unlawful for them, if they believe in Allah and the Last Day, to hide what Allah has created in their wombs. Their husbands have the right to take them back within that time, if they desire to be reconciled. The wives have rights corresponding to those which the husbands have, according to what is recognized to be fair, but men have a rank above them. Allah is almighty and all wise” [Holy Quran chapter 2: 228].

Maintaining family coherence. God the Almighty says: the Quranic verses:

(١٨) يَـٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُواْ لَا يَحِلُّ لَكُمۡ أَن تَرِثُواْ ٱلنِّسَآءَ كَرۡهً۬ا‌ۖ وَلَا تَعۡضُلُوهُنَّ لِتَذۡهَبُواْ بِبَعۡضِ مَآ ءَاتَيۡتُمُوهُنَّ إِلَّآ أَن يَأۡتِينَ بِفَـٰحِشَةٍ۬ مُّبَيِّنَةٍ۬‌ۚ وَعَاشِرُوهُنَّ بِٱلۡمَعۡرُوفِ‌ۚ فَإِن كَرِهۡتُمُوهُنَّ فَعَسَىٰٓ أَن تَكۡرَهُواْ شَيۡـًٔ۬ا وَيَجۡعَلَ ٱللَّهُ فِيهِ خَيۡرً۬ا ڪَثِيرً۬ا (١٩)

 “Believers, it is not lawful for you to inherit women against their will, nor should you detain them wrongfully, so that you may take away a part of what you have given them, unless they are guilty of something clearly outrageous. Live with them in accordance with what is fair and kind; if you dislike them, it may be that you dislike something which Allah might make a source of abundant good” [Holy Quran chapter 4: 19].

Even divorce should be conducted ethically. God the Almighty says:

) ٱلطَّلَـٰقُ مَرَّتَانِ‌ۖ فَإِمۡسَاكُۢ بِمَعۡرُوفٍ أَوۡ تَسۡرِيحُۢ بِإِحۡسَـٰنٍ۬‌ۗ وَلَا يَحِلُّ لَڪُمۡ أَن تَأۡخُذُواْ مِمَّآ ءَاتَيۡتُمُوهُنَّ شَيۡـًٔا إِلَّآ أَن يَخَافَآ أَلَّا يُقِيمَا حُدُودَ ٱللَّهِ‌ۖ فَإِنۡ خِفۡتُمۡ أَلَّا يُقِيمَا حُدُودَ ٱللَّهِ فَلَا جُنَاحَ عَلَيۡہِمَا فِيمَا ٱفۡتَدَتۡ بِهِۦ‌ۗ تِلۡكَ حُدُودُ ٱللَّهِ فَلَا تَعۡتَدُوهَا‌ۚ وَمَن يَتَعَدَّ حُدُودَ ٱللَّهِ فَأُوْلَـٰٓٮِٕكَ هُمُ ٱلظَّـٰلِمُونَ (٢٢٩)

 “Divorce may be pronounced twice, and then a woman must be retained honorably or released with kindness…” [Holy Quran chapter 2: 229].

Managing family conflicts by following the divine teachings that require the couple to exercise patience. Furthermore, a husband is instructed to follow certain steps to reform a disobedient wife. First, he is to admonish her. If this does not work, he keeps from sleeping with her. This measure, if unsuccessful, is followed by beating her lightly without causing her any physical pain. A couple should also seek the arbitration of trusted family members to resolve a conflict. If all else fails, a non-final divorce, made once and twice, may follow. Sometimes, the only solution may be a final irrevocable divorce. God says:

(٣٣) ٱلرِّجَالُ قَوَّٲمُونَ عَلَى ٱلنِّسَآءِ بِمَا فَضَّلَ ٱللَّهُ بَعۡضَهُمۡ عَلَىٰ بَعۡضٍ۬ وَبِمَآ أَنفَقُواْ مِنۡ أَمۡوَٲلِهِمۡ‌ۚ فَٱلصَّـٰلِحَـٰتُ قَـٰنِتَـٰتٌ حَـٰفِظَـٰتٌ۬ لِّلۡغَيۡبِ بِمَا حَفِظَ ٱللَّهُ‌ۚ وَٱلَّـٰتِى تَخَافُونَ نُشُوزَهُنَّ فَعِظُوهُنَّ وَٱهۡجُرُوهُنَّ فِى ٱلۡمَضَاجِعِ وَٱضۡرِبُوهُنَّ‌ۖ فَإِنۡ أَطَعۡنَڪُمۡ فَلَا تَبۡغُواْ عَلَيۡہِنَّ سَبِيلاً‌ۗ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ كَانَ عَلِيًّ۬ا ڪَبِيرً۬ا (٣٤) وَإِنۡ خِفۡتُمۡ شِقَاقَ بَيۡنِہِمَا فَٱبۡعَثُواْ حَكَمً۬ا مِّنۡ أَهۡلِهِۦ وَحَكَمً۬ا مِّنۡ أَهۡلِهَآ إِن يُرِيدَآ إِصۡلَـٰحً۬ا يُوَفِّقِ ٱللَّهُ بَيۡنَہُمَآ‌ۗ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ كَانَ عَلِيمًا خَبِيرً۬ا (٣٥) ۞

 “Men are protectors of women, because Allah has made some of them excel others and because they spend their wealth on them. So virtuous women are obedient and guard in the husband’s absence what Allah would have them guard. As for those from whom you apprehend infidelity, admonish them, then refuse to share their beds, and finally hit them [lightly]. Then if they obey you, take no further action against them. For Allah is High, Great. If you fear any breach between a man and his wife, appoint one arbiter from his family and one arbiter from her family. If they both want to set things right, God will bring about a reconciliation between them: He is all knowing and all aware” [Holy Quran chapter 4:34-35].