FAMILY
AFFAIRS, PROBLEMS AND THE STATUS OF THE FAMILY IN ISLAM
(Part
7 of 20)
7. PEDAGOGY
EDUCATION AND UPBRINGING CHILDREN’S UPBRINGING
EARLY
CHILDHOOD EDUCATION & CHILD ABUSE AND NEGLECT
Child abuse and neglect is a serious problem that affects
millions of children. Early childhood educators are concerned about child abuse
and neglect because they are committed to nurturing the healthy development of
children and to helping prevent problems that can impede a child’s ability to
fulfill his or her potential. Very young children—a growing number of whom
spend significant time in early education and child-care settings—are the most
vulnerable to the damaging impact of maltreatment. Early childhood
professionals are uniquely well positioned to build relationships with parents
and other caregivers, to observe and respond to problems that can place
children at risk of maltreatment, and to help families before abuse or neglect
occurs. In addition, individuals who work directly with children, including
teachers and other staff members in early education programs, are mandatory
reporters of suspected child abuse and neglect (Refer to Child Abuse and Neglect, Prevention of). Survey research
indicates that awareness of the problem of child maltreatment among early
childhood professionals has increased dramatically from 10 percent in the
mid-1970s to more than 90 percent today.
Contents
1. Raising righteous children
2. How should we raise our children?
3. Islamic education in the west
4. The hypocrisy of child abuse in many Muslim countries
7.1 RAISING
RIGHTEOUS CHILDREN
Praise be to Allaah.
Raising and educating children is one of the duties required
of parents. Allaah has enjoined that in the Qur’aan, and the Messenger (peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him) also enjoined that. Allaah says
(interpretation of the meaning):
(٥) يَـٰٓأَيُّہَا ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُواْ قُوٓاْ أَنفُسَكُمۡ
وَأَهۡلِيكُمۡ نَارً۬ا وَقُودُهَا ٱلنَّاسُ وَٱلۡحِجَارَةُ عَلَيۡہَا
مَلَـٰٓٮِٕكَةٌ غِلَاظٌ۬ شِدَادٌ۬ لَّا يَعۡصُونَ ٱللَّهَ مَآ أَمَرَهُمۡ
وَيَفۡعَلُونَ مَا يُؤۡمَرُونَ (٦)
“O
you who believe! Ward off yourselves and your families against a Fire (Hell)
whose fuel is men and stones, over which are (appointed) angels stern (and)
severe, who disobey not, (from executing) the Commands they receive from
Allaah, but do that which they are commanded”[Holy Quran Chapter al-Tahreem
66:6]
Imam al-Tabari said, commenting on this verse:
Here Allaah is saying: O
you who believe in Allaah and His Messenger, “Ward off yourselves” teach
one another that which will protect those who do it from the Fire and ward it
off from them, if it is done in obedience to Allaah and they do it in obedience
to Allaah. The phrase “and your families
against a Fire” means, and teach your families to do acts of obedience to
Allaah so that they may protect themselves from the Fire. Tafseer al-Tabari,
18/165
Al-Qurtubi said:
Muqaatil said: This is a duty that he owes to himself, his
children, his family and his male and female slaves. Ilkiya said: We have to
teach our children and family’s religious commitment and goodness, and what
they cannot do without of etiquette. This is what Allaah says (interpretation
of the meaning):
وَأۡمُرۡ أَهۡلَكَ بِٱلصَّلَوٰةِ وَٱصۡطَبِرۡ عَلَيۡہَاۖ لَا نَسۡـَٔلُكَ رِزۡقً۬اۖ نَّحۡنُ نَرۡزُقُكَۗ
وَٱلۡعَـٰقِبَةُ لِلتَّقۡوَىٰ (١٣٢)
“And enjoin As-Salaat
(the prayer) on your family, and be patient in offering them [i.e. the Salaat
(prayers)]”[ Holy Quran Chapter Ta-Ha 20:132]
And Allaah said to the Prophet (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) (interpretation of the meaning):
وَأَنذِرۡ عَشِيرَتَكَ ٱلۡأَقۡرَبِينَ (٢١٤)
“And warn your
tribe (O Muhammad) of near kindred”[ Holy Quran Chapter al-Shu’ara’ 26:214]
And the Prophet (peace and blessings
of Allaah be upon him) said:
“And teach them (children) to pray when they are seven years
old.” Tafseer al-Qurtubi, 18/196
The Muslim – any Muslim – is a daa’iyah (propagator) who
calls people to Allaah, so the first people whom he calls should be his
children and family who are close to him. When Allaah commanded His Messenger
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) to call people, He said
(interpretation of the meaning):
وَأَنذِرۡ عَشِيرَتَكَ ٱلۡأَقۡرَبِينَ (٢١٤)
“And
warn your tribe (O Muhammad) of near kindred”[ Holy Quran Chapter al-Shu’ara’
26:214] because they are the first people to whom he should do good
and show mercy.
The Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)
gave the parents the responsibility of raising the children and made that
obligatory upon them.
It was narrated that ‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Umar said: I heard the
Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) say: “Each of
you is a shepherd and each of you is responsible for his flock. The ruler is a
shepherd and is responsible for his flock. A man is the shepherd of his family
and is responsible for his flock. A woman is the shepherd of her husband’s
household and is responsible for her flock. A servant is the shepherd of his
master’s wealth and is responsible for his flock.” He said: and I think he
said, “A man is the shepherd of his father’s wealth and is responsible for his
flock. Each of you is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock.” Narrated by
al-Bukhaari, 583; Muslim, 1829.
Part of your duty is to bring them up from a young age to
love Allaah and His Messenger and to love the teachings of Islam. You should
tell them that Allaah has a Paradise and a Hell; that His Hell is hot and its
fuel is men and stones. The following story contains an important lesson.
Ibn al-Jawzi said:
There was a king who had a lot of wealth, and he had a
daughter and no other children. He loved her very much, and he used to let her
enjoy all kinds of entertainment. This went on for a long time. Beside the king
there lived a devoted worshipper, and whilst he was reciting one night, he
raised his voice saying, “O you who
believe! Ward off yourselves and your families against a Fire (Hell) whose fuel
is men and stones “ [Holy Quran Chapter al-Tahreem 66:6 – interpretation of
the meaning]. The girl heard his recitation and said to her servants, “Stop!”
But they did not stop. The worshipper started to repeat the verse, and the girl
kept telling them to stop, but they did not stop. She put her hands to her
collar and tore her garment, and they went to her father and told him the
story. He went to her and said, “My dear, what happened to you tonight? What
made you weep?” and he hugged her. She said, “I ask you by Allaah, O my father,
to tell me, does Allaah have a Fire the fuel of which is men and stones?” He
said, “Yes.” She asked him, “Why did you not tell me? By Allaah I will not eat
any good food or sleep on any soft bed until I know whether my abode is in
Paradise or Hell.” Safwat al-Safwah, 4/437-438
You have to keep them away from the places of immorality and
misguidance; do not leave them to grow up with evil things from the television
etc, then after that expect them to be righteous, for whoever sows thorns
cannot harvest grapes. That should be done when they are young, so that it will
be easy for them when they grow up, and they will get used to it, and it will
be easy for you to tell them what to do and what not to do, and it will be easy
for them to obey you.
It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased
with him) said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) said: “Teach your children to pray when they are seven years old, and
smack them (lightly) if they do not do so when they are ten, and separate them
in their beds.” Narrated by Abu Dawood, 495; classed as saheeh (authentic) by
Shaykh al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’, 5868
But the educator must be merciful, forbearing, easy-going
and approachable, not foul-mouthed or unkempt, arguing in a manner that is
better, far removed from insulting, rebuking and beating, unless the child is
one of those who willfully disobey and rejects his father’s commands and
neglects his duties and does haraam (impermissible) things; in that case it is
better to use stern measures with him, without causing him harm.
Al-Minaawi said: For a father to discipline his child when
he reaches the age of discernment means that he should raise him with the
characteristics of the righteous believers and protect him from mixing with
evildoers; he should teach him the Qur’aan and good manners and the language of
the Arabs, let him hear the Sunnah (Prophetic traditions) and the sayings of
the Salaf (pious predecessors) and teach him the religious rulings that he
cannot do without. He should warn him then smack him (lightly) if he does not
pray etc. That will be better for him than giving (dry measure of food) a saa’
in charity, because if he teaches him properly, his actions will be among his
ongoing charity, whereas the reward for a saa’ of charity is limited, but that
will last as long as the child lives. Discipline is the nourishment of the
soul, and training it for the Hereafter.
“O you who believe! Ward off
yourselves and your families against a Fire (Hell)…” [Holy Quran Chapter al-Tahreem
66:6 – interpretation of the meaning]
Protecting yourself and your family from it means reminding
them of Hell. Discipline includes preaching, warning, threatening, smacking
(lightly, if necessary), detaining, giving and being kind. Disciplining one who
is good and noble is different from disciplining one who is difficult and
ignoble. Fayd al-Qadeer, 5/257
Smacking is a means of correcting the child; it is not
something that it wanted in and of itself, rather it is resorted to if the
child is stubborn and disobedient.
There is a system of punishment in Islam, and there are many
punishments in Islam, such as the hadd punishments for adultery, theft,
slander, etc. All of these are prescribed in order to set the people straight
and put a stop to their evil.
Concerning such matters the Prophet (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) advised parents to deter their children from doing wrong.
It was narrated from Ibn ‘Abbaas that the Messenger of
Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Hang your whip where
the members of the household can see it, for that will discipline them.”
Narrated by al-Tabaraani, 10/248; its isnaad was classed as
hasan by al-Haythami in Majma’ al-Zawaa’id, 8/106. Al-Albaani said in Saheeh
al-Jaami’, 4022, it is hasan (good).
So raising children should be a balance between
encouragement and warning. The most important element of all is making the
environment in which the children live a good one, by providing the means
whereby they may be guided; this means that their educators should be
religiously committed, including their parents.
One of the ways in which a parent may be successful in
raising his children is to use a cassette player to play tapes of teachings,
Qur’aan recitation, khutbahs (sermons) and lessons of scholars, for there are
many available.
With regard to the books that you asked about, which you can
refer to with regard to raising children, we recommend the following:
1.
Tarbiyat al-Atfaal fi Rihaab
al-Islam by Muhammad Haamid al-Naasir and Khawlah ‘Abd al-Qaadir Darweesh
2.
Kayfa yurabbi al-Muslim waladahu by
Muhammad Sa’eed al-Mawlawi
3.
Tarbiyat al-Abna’ fi’l-Islam by
Muhammad Jameel Zayno
4.
Kayfa nurabbi Atfaalana by Mahmoud
Mahdi al-Istanbuli
5.
Mas’ooliyat al-Abb al-Muslim fi
Tarbiyat al-Walad by ‘Adnaan Ba Haarith
And Allaah knows best. Source: Islam Q&A, 10016
7.2 HOW SHOULD
WE RAISE OUR CHILDREN?
With regard to the answer to the question, we will point out
some important matters in the hope that they will help you, with the help of
Allah, may He be exalted, in what you are striving to achieve.
Firstly:
It is essential to point out that bad behaviour in most
cases is in accordance with a person’s whims and desires; hence the child will
pick up bad behaviour with the slightest influence and the most insignificant
of reasons. On the other hand, good behaviour means disciplining oneself and
restraining oneself from whims and desires that detrimental to one’s own best
interests. Good behaviour means following a path that is contrary to the whims
and desires of the self, so it is a constructive process that requires effort
and striving.
A sound upbringing is one that instils good attitude and
behaviour firmly in the child’s heart and mind so that he will be able to
resist corrupt whims and desires, and he will not feel comfortable except with
things that help him adhere to the path of righteousness and will despise
anything that is contrary to good values.
In order for the child to accept this good attitude and
behaviour, it is essential to make that beloved to him. Love cannot be
instilled by means of force and harshness; rather it needs the following:
1. KINDNESS
AND GENTLENESS
There are a number of hadeeths in which the Prophet
(blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) teaches us to use kindness and
gentleness when interacting with others, such as the following:
It was narrated that ‘Aa’ishah, the wife of the Prophet
(blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: The Messenger of Allah
(blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “Verily Allah loves kindness
in all things.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 6024.
Muslim (2592) narrated from Jareer that the Prophet
(blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “Whoever is deprived of kindness is deprived of goodness.”
It was narrated that ‘Aa’ishah, the wife of the Prophet
(blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said, narrating from the Prophet
(blessings and peace of Allah be upon him): “There is no kindness in a thing
but it adorns it, and it is not taken away from a thing but it makes it
defective.”
It was narrated from ‘Aa’ishah that she said: The Messenger
of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “When Allah wills
good for the members of a household, He instills kindness in them.” Narrated by
Imam Ahmad in his Musnad, 40/488, no. 24427; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in
Saheeh al-Jaami‘ as-Sagheer, no. 303
Children by their nature love the parent who is kind to them
and helps them, and who cares about them, but that should be without yelling
and getting angry, as much as possible; rather it should be with wisdom and
patience.
The child is at an age where he needs leisure and play; he
is also at an age where discipline and teaching are appropriate. Hence
everything must be given due attention, within moderation.
Because children love kind parents, this love gives them a
strong motivation to obey their parents. In the opposite scenario, if kindness
is absent and there is violence and harshness, that will lead to alienation,
which in turn will lead to stubbornness and disobedience, or the prevalence of
fear which will generate an attitude of lying and deceitfulness in the child.
2. KIND
TREATMENT DOES NOT RULE OUT THE USE OF PUNISHMENT WHEN NECESSARY
But it should be noted that punishment, when bringing up
children, must be used wisely. It is not right to punish the child for every
misdemeanor on his part; rather punishment is to be used when kindness is of no
benefit and when advice, instructions and bans have been to no avail.
Punishments should also be useful. For example, if you have
the problem of your children spending a long time in front of the television,
then you can dictate to them which programs they may watch, that will usually
be beneficial and not harmful, and that are free of problematic material as
much as possible. Then if they go beyond the stated time, you can punish them
by depriving them of TV for an entire day. If they go beyond the stated time
again, then you can deprive them of it for a longer period, according to
whatever will achieve the aim and be of benefit in disciplining them.
3. SETTING A
GOOD EXAMPLE
The parents must first of all adhere themselves to the
attitude and behaviour that they are trying to instil in their children. For
example, it is not appropriate for a father to forbid his child to smoke when
he himself smokes.
Hence one of the early generations said to his children’s
teacher: Let the first thing you do in setting my children straight be mending
your own ways, for their faults will be connected to your faults; in their
eyes, what is good will be what you do and what is bad will be what you refrain
from. End quote. Tareekh Dimashq, 38/271-272
4. A GOOD
ENVIRONMENT
This is the environment in which doing good deeds is praised
and the one who does them is respected, whereas bad deeds and those who do them
are criticized. In current times this good environment is often lacking, but we
can try hard, physically, psychologically and financially, to create it, in sha
Allah.
For example, if a Muslim family is living in a neighborhood
where there are no other Muslim families, this family should try hard to move
to a neighbourhood or city where there are a lot of Muslims, or to a
neighbourhood where there are mosques or Islamic centres that are active in
running programs for Muslim children.
For example, if a child is interested in a specific sport or
other activity, the family could look for a suitable sports club or similar
organisation run by committed Muslims, that is attended by Muslim families who
are keen to give their children a good upbringing. Mixing plays a major role,
as you say, so try to reduce the negative effects that you are seeing as a
result of mixing, by mixing in a positive way with Muslim families.
If the father is spending on nice clothes, delicious food
and a comfortable home, he should also spend on means of acquiring good
attitude and behaviour, and let him seek reward for that with Allah, may He be
exalted.
Secondly:
You have to offer du‘aa’ constantly, especially at times
when supplications are answered, such as the last third of the night, when
prostrating and on Fridays. Call upon Allah, may He be exalted, a great deal
and ask Him to make your children righteous and guide them to the straight
path. Supplications for their children is one of the characteristics of the
righteous slaves of Allah. Allah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of
the meaning):
وَٱلَّذِينَ يَقُولُونَ رَبَّنَا هَبۡ
لَنَا مِنۡ أَزۡوَٲجِنَا وَذُرِّيَّـٰتِنَا قُرَّةَ أَعۡيُنٍ۬ وَٱجۡعَلۡنَا
لِلۡمُتَّقِينَ إِمَامًا (٧٤)
“And those who
say: ‘Our Lord! Bestow on us from our wives and our offspring who will be the
comfort of our eyes, and make us leaders for the Muttaqoon (pious)”[ Holy Quran
Chapter al-Furqaan 25:74]. Shaykh ‘Abd ar-Rahmaan as-Sa‘di (may
Allah have mercy on him) said: “the comfort of our eyes” means a source of joy.
If we examine the situation and characteristics of the ones
who offered this du‘aa’, we will realize, based on their qualities and high
ranking, that they would not be content until they see their children obeying
their Lord, knowledgeable and actively striving. As this is a supplication that
their wives and children would follow the path of righteousness, it is also a
supplication for themselves, because the benefit will come back to them too.
Hence they regarded that as a gift to them and they said “Bestow on us (lit.
give to us).” In fact their supplication brings benefit to all the Muslims,
because the righteousness of those who are mentioned will bring about the
righteousness of many of those who are connected to them, and will benefit
them. End quote.
Tayseer al-Kareem al-Mannaan fi Tafseer Kalaam ar-Rahmaan,
587
And Allah knows best. Source: Islam Q&A, 215167
7.3 ISLAMIC
EDUCATION IN THE WEST
In order to preserve the structure of the Muslim family in
the non-Muslim countries, we need to meet a number of conditions and
requirements, both within the home and outside it:
WITHIN THE
HOME:
1. It is essential for parents to uphold the habit of
praying regularly in the mosque with their children; if there is no mosque
nearby, then they must pray in jamaa’ah (congregation) at home.
2. They have to read Qur’aan and listen to its recitation
daily.
3. They must eat meals together.
4. They must speak in the language of the Qur’aan as much as
they can.
5. They must uphold the good manners prescribed by the Lord
of the Worlds for families and in social settings; these include those that are
to be found in Soorat al-Noor.
6. They should not let themselves or their children watch
immoral and corrupt movies and shows.
7. Their children have to sleep at home and should stay home
as much as possible, to protect them from the influences of the bad environment
outside. They should be very strict in not allowing their children to sleep
outside the home (“sleepovers”).
8. They should avoid sending their children to universities
far from home where they would have to stay in university accommodation,
otherwise we will lose our children, who will be assimilated into the
non-Muslim society.
9. We have to be careful to eat only halaal (lawful) food
and the parents must avoid using all kinds of haraam (unlawful) things such as
cigarettes, marijuana and other things which are widely available in non-Muslim
countries.
OUTSIDE THE
HOME:
1. We must send our children to Islamic schools from
kindergarten to the end of secondary school (high school).
2. We must also send them to the mosque as much as possible,
to pray Jumu’ah (Friday prayers) and other prayers in jamaa’ah, and to attend
lectures, halaqahs (study circles) and study circles, etc.
3. We must establish educational and sporting activities for
children and youth in places that are supervised by Muslims.
4. Organizing educational camps where all members of the
family can go.
5. Fathers and mothers should strive to go to the Holy
Places to perform the rituals of ‘Umrah (lesser pilgrimage) and the obligation
of Hajj (pilgrimage), accompanied by their children.
6. Training children to speak about Islam in simple language
which adults and children, Muslim and non-Muslim, can understand.
7. Training children to memorize Qur’aan and sending some of
them – if possible – to a Muslim Arab country so that they can gain an
understanding of the religion, then come back to be daa’iyahs (inviters)who are
equipped with knowledge of Islam and the language of the Qur’aan.
8. Training some of our sons to give Jumu’ah Khutbahs
(Fridat sermons), and to lead the Muslims in prayer, so that they will become
leaders of the Muslim community.
9. Encouraging children to marry early so as to protect
their religious and worldly interests.
We have to encourage them to marry Muslim girls from
families who are known for their religious commitment and good attitudes.
We have to avoid using the number 911 and calling the police
to come to the house to resolve conflicts. If conflicts arise, we must get in
touch with a responsible member of the Muslim community or with wise Muslims to
help resolve the conflict.
Not attending parties where there is dancing, music and
singing, or joining in celebrations of immorality or the festivals of kufr;
stopping our children, with wisdom, from going to church on Sundays with
Christian students.
And Allaah is the Source of strength and the Guide to the
Straight Path.
Source: Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid & Islam
Q&A, 4237
4.0 THE HYPOCRISY OF CHILD ABUSE IN MANY MUSLIM COUNTRIES
4.0 THE HYPOCRISY OF CHILD ABUSE IN MANY MUSLIM COUNTRIES
4.1 Why Child marriage and pederasty are tolerated in Muslim
societies where homosexuality is strictly condemned.
Some Muslims are fond of condemning western morality –
alcoholism, nudity, premarital sex and homosexuality often being cited as
examples. But Muslims do not have a monopoly on morality. In the west, child
marriages and sex with children are illegal. Unfortunately, the same cannot be
said for many Muslim countries.
We saw the documentary on the Dancing Boys of Afghanistan.
It exposed an ancient custom called "Bacha
Bazi" (Boy For Play), where rich men buy boys as young as 11 from
impoverished families for sexual slavery. The boys are dressed in women's
clothes and made to dance and sing at parties, before being carted away by the
men for sex. Owning boys is considered a symbol of status and one former
warlord boasted of having up to 3,000 boys over a 20-year period, even though
he was married, with two sons. The involvement of the police and inaction of
the government means this form of child prostitution is widespread.
(Get Society Weekly: Guardian international
edition newsletter for public service professionals)
The moral hypocrisy is outrageous in a country where
homosexuality is not only strictly forbidden but savagely punished, even
between two consenting adults. However, men who sodomise young boys are not
considered homosexuals or paedophiles. The love of young boys is not a
phenomenon restricted to Afghanistan; homosexual pederasty is common in
neighbouring Pakistan, too. In my view, repression of sexuality and extreme
gender apartheid is to blame.
And in the Middle East, it's young girls who are considered
desirable and men are able to satisfy their lusts legally through child
marriages. In Yemen, more than a quarter of girls are married before the age of
15. Cases of girls dying during childbirth are not unusual, and recently, one
12-year-old child bride even died from internal bleeding following sexual
intercourse. In another case, a 12-year-old girl was married to an 80-year-old
man in Saudi Arabia.
So why is the practice of child marriage sanctioned in
Muslim countries? Unfortunately, ultra-conservative religious authorities
justify this old tribal custom by citing the Prophet Muhammad's (Sallalahu
Alaihi Wa salaam) marriage to Aisha. They allege Aisha was nine years old when
the prophet married her. But they focus conveniently on selected Islamic texts
to support their opinions, while ignoring vast number of other texts and
historical information, which suggests Aisha was much older, putting her age of
marriage at 19. Child marriage is against Islam as the Qur'an is clear that
intellectual maturity is the basis for deciding age of marriage, and not
puberty, as suggested by these clerics.
Whatever one's view on the prophet's marriage, no faith can
claim moral superiority since child marriages have been practiced in various
cultures and societies across the world at one time or another. In modern
times, though, marrying children is no longer acceptable and no excuse should
be used to justify this.
We find the false adherence to Islamic principles and the "holier
than thou" attitude of some Muslim societies similar to the
blatant hypocrisy and double standards of 19th-century Victorian Britain, where
the outward appearance of dignity and prudishness camouflaged an extreme
prevalence of sexual and moral depravity behind closed doors. In those days,
too, there were many men willing to pay to have sex with children – until a
plethora of social movements arose that resulted in changes in laws and
attitudes in society.
A similar shift in social attitudes is also required in
traditional Muslim societies. Having boy sex slaves or child brides should not
be seen as badges of honour. Instead, Muslims need to do more to attach shame
to such practices; otherwise, acceptance of this behaviour will make them complicit
in the sexual exploitation of children. We fail to understand why Muslims are
so vocal on abuses by the west in Abu Ghraib, Guantánamo, Iraq and Afghanistan,
but display moral blindness when it comes to children? It's about time this
silence was broken, so these violations of innocence can be stopped.
A too-passive attitude in dealing with child abuse has
rubbed off on Muslim communities in Britain, too. We have heard many stories at
first hand of child sexual abuse and rape, which show that the issue is not
being addressed at all. Those who have had the courage to speak out have been
met with reactions of denial and shame. Such attitudes mean that children will
continue to suffer in silence. Sexual abuse of children happens in all
communities, as has been revealed by the recent Catholic Church scandal. At
least, they have finally started to take action. Muslim communities should
learn from this and also start being more open, instead of continuing to
sweeping the issue under the carpet.
We are finding that more and more Muslims feel it is their
duty to criticize others for actions they consider sinful – quoting the
following popular saying of Muhammad to justify their interference:
"If you see something wrong,
you should correct it with your hand and if you are unable to, then speak out
against it and if you cannot do that, then feel that it is wrong in your
heart."
We wonder how, then, Muslims can remain silent when it comes
to the sexual abuse of children? Since you’re here?
4.2 AFRICA - UN:
CHILD ABUSE PREVALENT IN NIGERIA BY CHRIS STEIN LAGOS
Ref.
https://www.voanews.com/africa/un-child-abuse-prevalent-nigeria
A new report by the United Nations Children’s Fund, UNICEF,
says the majority of Nigerian children suffer violent abuse. The report says
that for some kids, the abuse starts before their fifth birthday.
The report’s findings released paint a grim picture of
children’s lives in Nigeria. It says that six out of 10 children experience
some form of violence before they turn 18, with half of them experiencing
physical violence.
Others are abused emotionally or sexually. The violence
starts young: over half of children were abused before the age of 11, and one
in 10 were abused before they turned five.
Rachel Harvey, the chief of child protection for UNICEF in
Nigeria, says the abuse is rarely done only once.
“For around about 80 percent of children this would happen
again, and again, and again. And also children suffer more than one type of
violence as well,” she said.
Most children find themselves facing the abuse alone. Those
abused mostly know their abusers, Harvey says. They tend to be parents, other
relatives or male teachers.
“Children revealed that they didn’t know where to go. The
majority of children don’t know where to seek help,” Harvey said.
The first of its kind in Africa, Harvey says this survey
covered all of Nigeria’s 36 states and the Federal Capital Territory.
Nigeria has been struggling with numerous security crises in
recent years, including an insurgency by Islamist Boko Haram militants in its
northeast and clashes between farmers and herdsmen in its north-central middle
belt. But Harvey says the survey was intended to show the violence against
children extends beyond these areas.
“The purpose of this survey was to bring to the spotlight
that violence against children is not just happening to marginalized groups,
not just happening in conflict-affected areas. It’s happening in communities,
in homes, it’s not someone else’s problem, it’s really everybody’s problem,”
she said.
Harvey says the abuse becomes "cyclical" children
who suffer abuse often grow up to abuse their partners.
4.3 CHILD ABUSE:
SIGNS OF A DYSFUNCTIONAL SOCIETY NIGERIA
THE recent (reported on September 21, 2017) spate of child
abuse in the country is a sad reminder of the abysmal state of societal regard
and respect for the rights of the Nigerian child. It is sad to observe that the
Nigerian child is not safe as he is exposed to danger, sexual abuse,
exploitation, stigmatization, domestic abuse and lots more. Unfortunately, some
of these children are abused by their parents, step-parents and family members,
who are meant to be the first line of protection for them.
Child abuse is the physical, mental or sexual assault of a
child by the parents or any other adult. It is the violation of the right of
the child. Recently, there has been a rise in the degree of mental and physical
abuse of children – a father raping his daughter as well as a step-father
raping his step-daughter without the knowledge of the mother The recent
incident in Ikorodu area of Lagos, of the private part of an 11-year-old girl
burnt with hot pressing iron by her mother for coming home late from school is
a case in point.
These are signs of a dysfunctional society where homes are
no longer a safe haven of love, protection and care. It appears that people can
no longer differentiate between punishment, correction and total disregard for
a child’s right. It is sad to note that the rate of these forms of abuse is
increasing on a daily basis with new cases blazing the front pages of
newspapers every day. Corporal punishment, which is described as “punishment of
a physical nature such as caning”, is another form of child abuse that is
rampant in our society. Though the term mainly relates to children being punished
at school, it also refers to children being punished at home. It is necessary
to draw a line between abuse and corporal punishment. Thousands of children are
abused daily under the guise of punishment.
Some children have lost their lives in the process while
some have been maimed for life. Any punishment or correction that threatens the
life, health or well-being of a child is an abuse. These forms of punishments
are unacceptable, illegal and punishable under the law. Punishment that
inflicts pain, emotional and mental torture as well as physical abuse is
criminal. Hence, it is pertinent to observe that there are no strong guidelines
or laid down policies, regarding corporal punishment and children, like it is
done in developed countries. Thus, the flagrant abuse of children in African
traditional societies. It is also important to note that this form of abuse has
become widespread in schools, primary and secondary schools especially. It is,
indeed, disheartening, because it is happening in an informed environment where
it is believed that, as educationists, they should know better.
A situation where a child was slapped several times by
different teachers in the spate of minutes for an altercation with other
students is abnormal. To compound the case, the child was reportedly thoroughly
beaten up by teachers with marks all over her body. Female teachers raping
their male students as well as male teachers raping their female students in
the name of increasing their marks during examination is a new dimension to the
rising cases of child abuse. Often, teachers don’t only violate pupils’ right
but also encourage senior students to prey on younger and weaker students,
victimizing them in the process, thereby building and encouraging the culture
of violence as senior students are empowered to get physical and discipline
their junior ones by engaging in corporal punishment. A school is a formal
learning environment where manners, etiquette, social and interpersonal
relationship skills are learnt and built hence students should be taught these
skills and it should begin with teachers who are role models. But it is
unfortunate to observe that some teachers are not really educationists, as they
know quite a little about child psychology and the principles of teaching and
learning since they branched into the teaching line just to make ends meet.
Vindictive punishments These weird and vindictive punishments meted out by
parents, guardians and teachers on children are outrageous and need urgent
attention by all tiers of governments, religious organizations, child rights
activists and other stakeholders. It has been argued that hitting children in
the bid to correct them is counterproductive in the long run as such
punishments do not have to be physical before they become correctional.
The Child Rights Acts clearly forbids battery, physical
assault and abuse in any form. According to available data, as of 2008,
corporal punishment has been banned in 24 countries. This is an indication
that, this form of approach to child training is on the decline, and not in
sync with modern day realities, with more countries debating whether to ban
corporal punishment. To entrench respect for the rights of the Nigerian child
in the consciousness of society and promote the culture of patience and
tolerance for children, government should intensify efforts to ensure that
policies on child rights protection are implemented. Religious institutions
should also assist government by building a strong foundation for the
protection of the rights of children in homes and the society through their
programmes and activities. Although child abuse occurs in Nigeria, it has
received little attention. A possible reason is the general assumption that in
every African society the extended family system always provides love, care and
protection to all children. Yet there are traditional child rearing practices
which adversely affect some children, such as purposeful neglect or abandonment
of severely handicapped children, and twins or triplets in some rural areas.
With the alteration of society by rapid socioeconomic and political changes,
various forms of child abuse have been identified, particularly in the urban
areas. These may be considered the outcome of abnormal interactions of the
child, parents/guardians and society. They include abandonment of normal
infants by unmarried or very poor mothers in cities, increased child labour and
exploitation of children from rural areas in urban elite families, and abuse of
children in urban nuclear families by child-minders.
Preventive measures include provision of infrastructural
facilities and employment opportunities in the rural areas in order to prevent
drift of the young population to the cities. This would sustain the supportive
role of the extended family system which is rapidly being eroded. There is need
for more effective legal protection for the handicapped child, and greater
awareness of the existence of child abuse in the community by health and social
workers. For those children who live on the streets, the only language they
understand is survival. And they do that by earning a living on the streets,
speaking street language, dealing with others as they see their mates on the
street do. Many of them end up joining street gangs, the wrong crowd, and do
wrong things just to survive. Victims: Sixteen-year-old Ogechi lives with her
madam and family in Federal Housing Authority, Lugbe, Abuja. She wakes up very
early at 4am every morning to attend to house chores and sleeps very late, as
late as 1.am, no matter how tired she feels. Ogechi works as a domestic help to
the family she resides with, yet there is no respite for her. She cleans,
cooks, washes, irons and even fetches water from a nearby tap. But she dares
not use both the toilet and the bathroom.
https://www.vanguardngr.com/2017/09/child-abuse-signs-dysfunctional-society/
Sources
c)
Islam Q&A, 10016
d)
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid
& Islam Q&A, 4237
e) Islam
Q&A, 215167
f)
https://www.vanguardngr.com/2017/09/child-abuse-signs-dysfunctional-society/
g) https://www.voanews.com/africa/un-child-abuse-prevalent-nigeria
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