FAMILY
AFFAIRS, PROBLEMS AND THE STATUS OF THE FAMILY IN ISLAM
(Part
5 of 20)
5.0 GIRL CHILD
EDUCATION, DISOBEDIENT SON & CHILDREARING IN ISLAM
5.1 HOW SHOULD
THE FAMILY DEAL WITH A DISOBEDIENT SON?
How should a son who is disobedient
towards his parents be dealt with? How should they deal with a son who
threatens to kill his mother and challenges his parents, and accuses his sister
of promiscuity and Zina, causes scandal for his family, and always argues with
guests, insulting them, reviling them and threatening them?
Parents should give their children a good upbringing and
take care of them so that they will be in a good state in both religious and
worldly affairs.
If a child grows up disobedient and rebellious, then the
parents must do more and try harder to guide him and make him righteous, by
reminding him and advising him, showing patience towards him, praying for him,
choosing good friends for him and choosing righteous acquaintances who can
visit him, and advise him and befriend him.
His brothers, friends and neighbours should help his parents
with that as much as they can.
But if the son becomes worse and the evil and trouble he
causes increases, as mentioned in the question, and admonition and discipline
do not succeed with him, then it is obligatory to denounce his evil by all
possible means, by threatening to hit him or actually hitting him, or seeking
the help of other men in the family against him, or taking the matter to the
authorities, if it is not possible to stop his evil by any of the other means
mentioned. His evil should not be taken lightly or be overlooked; rather it
should be stopped before it goes further and causes greater harm.
So first of all they should follow the steps mentioned above
of offering advice and guidance, reminding him of Allah, instilling hope and
fear; telling him about the rights that his parents, his sister and his guests
have over him; telling him that his committing this evil will make him hateful
to his family and neighbours and the people around him, and they should persist
with him in that, whilst being gentle and patient, and using wisdom and
beautiful preaching.
His brothers should try hard in that regard, and use wisdom
and patience with him, exhorting him gently and not being harsh towards him in
speech.
But if he persists in what he is doing of severing ties with
his parents and his brothers and sisters, and shunning them, then they should
not speak to him or interact with him, in the hope that Allah will set him
straight, and they should keep praying to Him to guide him.
But if he does not come back to his senses and he persists
in his evil ways, then they should report him to the relevant authorities and
the security forces who can restrain him from doing evil and deter him from
what he is doing.
He should not be left to persist in this transgression,
because of the severity of his evil and the harm that he may do to his family
and the people around him.
Over and above all that, his parents and family members
should turn to Allah, for most such calamities come about because of the sins
that bring evil and corruption to the household. Ibn al-Haaj (may Allah have
mercy on him) said, when speaking about matters contrary to Islamic teaching
that may be done by one or both spouses:
Undoubtedly reconciling between these spouses is very rare,
and even if there is harmony between them, it is not free of ills, and if they
happen to have a child, he will most likely grow up disobedient and doing all
manner of inappropriate things, and all of that is the result of both of them
not paying attention to their duties towards Allah, may He be exalted.
End quote from al-Madkhal (2/170).
And Allah knows best. Islam Q&A, 210875
5.2 GIRL CHILD
EDUCATION IN ISLAM
Islam advocates educating women and enlightening them about
the teachings of religion, as this greatly influences the life of women as well
as that of their children in the future. As Hafiz Ibrahim, the Poet of the Nile
said:
"The mother is a school; if she
is well-prepared, a noble nation is prepared."
Besides, the Prophet Muhammad (Peace be upon him) addressed
women saying:
"O womenfolk…."
He even specified a day on which he used to address them;
when some female Companions said to him:
"Men are always with you. So,
specify a day for us."
He indeed specified a day on which he met them, admonished
them and commanded them… [Imams Al-Bukhari and Muslim]
Moreover, the Prophet Muhammad (Peace be upon him) used to
urge women to teach each other. For example, he said to Ash-Shifa Bint Abdullah
Al-Adawiyyah:
"Teach Hafsah the Ruqyah (protective and healing
supplications) for Namlah (Namlah literary means ant. It is a skin disease
where pustules appear on the side of the body and they are swallowed like
ants), just as you taught her writing." [Imams Ahmad and Al-Hakim]
The Mothers of the Believers, such as Aisha and Hafsah used
to explain and teach matters of the religion to women. This was also the
guidance of other male Companions, for they were keen on teaching their wives
and informing them about the teachings of the religion, especially rulings that
are specific to women, such as those related to ritual purification,
menstruation, postpartum bleeding, prayer, marriage, divorce, breastfeeding,
and so on. Some Companions used to hold gatherings of knowledge in their homes
in order to teach their children and daughters.
Imam An-Nawawi transmitted on the authority of Qatadah who
was a Tabi‘i, that:
"Whenever Anas Ibn Malik
completed the recitation of the whole Qur'an, he used to gather his family and
supplicate Allah (Du'a)." [Imam Abu Dawud]
On the whole, scholars were keen on teaching women. History
has recorded the biographies of women who were knowledgeable in religion and
were taught by their fathers, brothers and husbands. Such men present shining
examples in caring for and educating both men and women without discrimination.
Life i.e. daily obligations and duties did not divert them from their duty
towards their families until their sons and daughters grew into excellent role
models in knowledge and piety.
Here, I mention the biographies of some women who learned
from their fathers and husbands. The purpose of this is to highlight the
woman's position in Islam. Women scholars were appreciated by Muslim
biographers, and therefore, they included them in their classifications of
great figures and biographies. It is hoped that this will urge women students
to exert their best efforts in learning religion and mastering what is
beneficial for them in their scientific and practical life.
These women scholars specialized in different branches of
knowledge at different ages. The names of women Companions have not been
included because they are numerous and well-known. Rather, I will mention women
from among the Tabi‘is and their successors:
1. Asma' Bint
Asad Ibn Al-Furat
Her father was Maghrib’s (North-West Africa) famous scholar
and judge. She was her father’s only daughter and he used to teach her the
Qur'an, Hadith and Fiqh. She used to attend her father's assemblies of
knowledge (Halqah) and contribute to debates. When her father was appointed as
the army's commander in order to conquer Sicily, he attained a great victory
and besieged the city of Sousse, but was killed there in 213 AH. Asma’ married
one of her father’s students whose name was Muhammad Ibn Abu Al-Jawad and who
was the head of the Hanafi scholars in Maghrib. Asma’ died in 250 AH.
[To know more about her biography,
review Ad-Dibaj Al-Madhab by Ibn Farhun, page 305, and Faqihat Alimat by
Muhammad Khair, page 29]
2. The sister
of Al-Muzani
She is the sister of the Shafi‘i scholar, Isma'il Al-Muzani,
the companion of Ash-Shafi‘i who died in 264 AH. His sister used to attend the
Fiqh lectures of Ash-Shafi‘i. Some of the Shafi‘i scholars used to transmit her
Fiqh opinions and her decisions regarding what she believed to be the most
preponderant opinions. [To know more about her biography, review Tabaqat
Ash-Shafi‘iyyah by Al-Asnawi, Volume 1, page 443]
3. Hafsah Bint
Sirin
She is the sister of the noble Tabi‘i, Muhammad Ibn Sirin.
She was trustworthy and knowledgeable in Fiqh as well as in other branches of
knowledge. She was a sincere worshipper and one of the most prominent Tabi’i
women. She completed the memorization of the Qur'an at the age of twelve (12)
and lived for seventy (70) years. Her brother, Muhammad, used to ask her about
what he did not have knowledge about in the Qur'an. Mahdi Ibn Maimun mentioned
that she remained in her place of worship for thirty (30) years and did not
leave it except for a siesta and answering the call of nature. She died after
100 AH. Her traditions are mentioned in different books of Hadith. [To know
more about her biography, review Tahthib Al-Kamal, by Al-Mizzi, Volume 35, page
151; and Siyar A'lam An-Nubala, by Ath-Thahabi, Volume 4, page 507]
Respected brothers and sisters, below is a very nice story
which will In Shaa Allah make you all aware about the importance of women's
education, especially young Muslim girls!
After finishing Salatul Isha', a Muslim girl sat on her
Prayer mat to make Du'a. Once after she finished making Du'a to her Lord, her
mobile rang. She picked up saying: 'Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa
barakatuhu.' A voice of a young man replied: 'Wa alaikumus salam wa rahmatullah
wa barakatuhu!' Can I speak to (so and so) please? The Muslim girl said: 'Sorry
brother, you have dialed the wrong number'...Then she hung up. After few
minutes, her mobile rang again. She picked it up, it was the young man who
called her few minutes ago. He told her: 'I called again to apologise for
disturbing you! You seem to be a good girl! Can I know you better?' The girl
was shocked for few seconds but then she replied: 'Brother… Fear Allah! you are
supposed to be at Mosque praying Salatul Isha' but here you are going after
girls to flirt with them at night! Here you are disobeying your Lord instead of
obeying HIM! Shame on you!!!' After saying these words, she immediately hang
up. Few days later, he called her again: 'Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullah wa
barakatuhu sister, please don't hang up! I want to apologise again and inform
you that I went back to pray all my five (5) daily prayers at Mosque! All
praises to Allah and thank you for waking me up from my neglectfulness! Please,
can I know the name of the one through whom Allah guided me? I really need
someone like you in my life to strengthen my Iman and support me to stay on the
right path! Please help me sister, may Allah reward you for that!' She didn't
reply and started to think: 'Should she accept to help him to stay on the right
path? Should she accept that he will be in touch with her from time to time to
help him strengthen his Iman?' She heard a satanic voice whispering: 'He is a
good guy now! Why are you so worried about it?! Let him call you... you both
have pure intention! He really needs you! If you refuse his suggestion, he will
go astray and it will be your fault!!' She was about to tell him her name but
suddenly a little voice whispered: 'Allah is watching you'… It was her
conscience and her education which woke her up from making a big mistake!
'Sorry brother!' she replied finally: 'If you are sincere in your repentance
then you will find people who are better than me to help you! Even I need
someone who helps me to stay at the right path more than you! At Mosque, you
will surely find many righteous brothers who would be good company which will
help you to get closer to Allah! Please, if you really fear your Lord now and
afraid of HIS punishment, then do not call this number ever again! Assalamu
alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu!' Then she hang up and she went back to
her Prayer mat rising her hands to make the following Du'a:
“O Allah, Turner of the hearts, make
my heart firm on your religion and save me from the evil of Fitnah, Ameen!”
May Allah accept our Ibadah (worship) and supplications, May
He guide our leaders and provide us with a lasting peace in our beloved country
Nigeria, ameen Ya Mujib!
May the peace and blessings of Allah be upon our beloved
Prophet and Master, Muhammad peace and blessings be upon him, his family and
all his Companions.
Reference
Jummat khutubat The Imam email: gusaumurtada@gmail.com
or +2348038289761.
5.3 THE
IMPORTANCE OF GIRLS’ EDUCATION IN ISLAM
Women and girls have been victims of ruthless power
struggles for centuries in all societies and cultures around the world. This
hegemony over women has been exercised in the form of Sati, Hitobashira,
Karo-Kari and the killing of witches, which are only a few to mention. Sadly,
but truly, many societies including some Muslim societies continue to exercise
this patriarchy in different forms such as the denial to education, unequal
salaries compared to men in workplaces, forced marriages and prostitution,
among many others.
Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him (Sallalahu Alaihi Wa
Salaam) , came at a time when the Arab society, like so many patriarchal
societies at that time, was rife with abhorrent practices against girls. He
preached Islam, liberating women and girls in every walk of life, education
being a prime aspect. This article examines the facts about the importance of
female education in Islam. It does so through referencing verses of the Quran,
Islam’s holy book, and hadith, authentic traditions of the Prophet Muhammad (Sallalahu
Alaihi Wa Salaam) , along with offering a short glimpse of his wives’ level of
education.
Let us start with the first Quranic revelation:
ٱقۡرَØ£ۡ
بِٱسۡÙ…ِ رَبِّÙƒَ ٱلَّØ°ِÙ‰ Ø®َÙ„َÙ‚َ (Ù¡) Ø®َÙ„َÙ‚َ ٱلۡØ¥ِنسَÙ€ٰÙ†َ Ù…ِÙ†ۡ عَÙ„َÙ‚ٍ (Ù¢) ٱقۡرَØ£ۡ
ÙˆَرَبُّÙƒَ ٱلۡØ£َÙƒۡرَÙ…ُ (Ù£)
ٱلَّØ°ِÙ‰ عَÙ„َّÙ…َ بِٱلۡÙ‚َÙ„َÙ…ِ (Ù¤) عَÙ„َّÙ…َ ٱلۡØ¥ِنسَÙ€ٰÙ†َ Ù…َا Ù„َÙ…ۡ ÙŠَعۡÙ„َÙ…ۡ (Ù¥)
Read in the name of your Lord who
created, created man from a clinging form. Read! Your Lord is the Most
Generous, who taught by means of the pen; taught man what he did not know. (Holy
Quran chapter 96:1-5)
These verses address humankind to seek knowledge and delve
in critical thinking. The emphasis laid in the acquisition of knowledge, in the
above verses, surpasses any statement or action denying girls’ the right to
education. Had these verses only been for men, it would be inconceivable to
imagine the extent of progression that the society made in a mere twenty-three
years — the entire duration of the revelation of the Quran.
In another verse in the Quran, God says:
ÙƒِتَÙ€ٰبٌ Ø£َنزَÙ„ۡÙ†َÙ€ٰÙ‡ُ Ø¥ِÙ„َÙŠۡÙƒَ Ù…ُبَÙ€ٰرَÙƒٌ۬
Ù„ِّÙŠَدَّبَّرُÙˆٓاْ Ø¡َايَÙ€ٰتِÙ‡ِÛ¦ ÙˆَÙ„ِÙŠَتَØ°َÙƒَّرَ Ø£ُÙˆْÙ„ُواْ ٱلۡØ£َÙ„ۡبَÙ€ٰبِ (٢٩)
(This is) a Book (the Quran) which
We have sent down to you, full of blessings that they may ponder over its
Verses, and that men of understanding may remember. (Holy Quran chapter 38:29)
It is important to mention that the word “men” in the above
verse refers to humankind as it does so in several other places in the Quran
when God addresses humanity. These and other verses inform the readers that
engaging in critical thinking is a moral obligation on both men and women. The
Quran repetitively reminds people to ponder, think, analyze, thus using their
mind power to contemplate and understand, whilst making no distinction between
men and women.
Let us now examine some hadith, authentic sayings of the
Prophet Muhammad (Sallalahu Alaihi Wa Salaam) .
“Seeking knowledge is mandatory for
every Muslim.”
“He who has a slave-girl and teaches
her good manners and improves her education and then manumits and marries her,
will get a double reward; and any slave who observes God’s right and his
master’s right will get a double reward.” (Emphasis added)
“If anyone travels on a road in
search of knowledge, Allah will cause him to travel on one of the roads of
Paradise. The angels will lower their wings in their great pleasure with one
who seeks knowledge, the inhabitants of the heavens and the Earth and the fish
in the deep waters will ask forgiveness for the learned man. The superiority of
the learned man over the devout is like that of the moon, on the night when it
is full, over the rest of the stars. The learned are the heirs of the Prophets,
and the Prophets leave neither dinar nor dirham, leaving only knowledge, and he
who takes it takes an abundant portion.” (Emphasis added)
Three important themes around education are emerging in the
above traditions. From the first Hadith we infer that education is not a right
but a responsibility on every Muslim, male or female. In the second Hadith,
emphasis is laid on the quality of education imparted to the girl slave and the
latter part deals with the encouragement to free slaves (Islam denounced and
later abolished slavery). The third Hadith speaks volumes about the superiority
of the person who seeks knowledge over the one who does not. The reference here
to superiority is to the person who seeks knowledge, man or woman.
We shall now examine information about the intellectual
abilities of two wives of Prophet Muhammad (Sallalahu Alaihi Wa Salaam) :
Khadijah and Aishah.
1. Khadijah Binte
Khuwaylid, the first wife of Prophet Muhammad (Sallalahu Alaihi Wa Salaam) ,
was a wealthy tradeswoman, the richest woman in Mecca at the time, who exported
goods as far away as Syria. To manage her large business, she employed several
males and to do so then in Arabia, necessitated that you have a high level of
understanding and wisdom.
2. Aishah Binte Abu
Bakr, the youngest wife of Prophet Muhammad (Sallalahu Alaihi Wa Salaam) ,
was very talented and possessed an incredible memory. As a Muslim scholar, she
is credited with narrating more than two thousand Hadith and was noted for
teaching eminent scholars. She had a great love for learning and became known
for her intelligence and sharp sense of judgment. Her life also substantiates
that a woman can be a scholar, exert influence over men and women and provide
them with inspiration and leadership. The example of Aishah in promoting
education, particularly education of women in the laws and teachings of Islam,
is a hallmark in female education in Islam. Because of the strength of her
personality, she was a leader in every field of knowledge, in society and in
politics.
Conclusively, the take away message in the article is that
Islam promotes education, particularly girls’ education. Had it not been so,
the world would not have witnessed the transformation of a society plunged in
anarchy and hegemony into one enlightened with critical thinkers and scholars,
all in the span of twenty-three years.
References
https://www.whyislam.org/social-ties-2/the-importance-of-girls-education-in-islam/
by by Farah Onaid
5.4 CHILDREARING
IN ISLAM
“Don’t touch those!” the father commands as his child plays
with the dishes on a shelf at his host’s house. A few seconds later, the father
looks up from his conversation with his host, and his child is still playing
with the dishes. “I told you not to touch those!” the child’s father repeats. A
few seconds later, the father looks up and sees his child still playing with
the dishes. The father says nothing and continues his conversation with the
host.
It happens all the time. Children are given orders, and when
they don’t obey, the parent simply goes back to his conversation and forgets.
What should parents do in this situation? Some parents would
say that we should stop the child, others that we should punish him, and others
that he is “just a child,” and we should not expect too much from him.
As Muslim parents, we have an obligation to bring up our
children in the best manner—to teach them right from wrong and to show them
what we and society expect from them.
Those who give opinions on this matter usually support their
positions, and it may be difficult to establish, without a doubt, who is more
correct. However, as parents, we either have to find the correct method to
teach and discipline our children, or we at least have to come up with a valid
method for teaching and disciplining our children. Definitely, we should not
just “figure it out as we go” — one time using this method and another time
that one.
The following principles should be useful in establishing a
childrearing method which is not too extreme.
1. START EARLY
Although many parents believe that very small children are
too young to understand, their early years are probably the most important
opportunity for parents to start them in the right direction. Once good
patterns are established, they will be easy to maintain. Once bad patterns are
established, they will be difficult to change.
2. HAVE YOUR
EMOTIONS UNDER CONTROL WHILE INSTRUCTING CHILDREN
Don’t discipline your child because you are angry with him,
but rather because you want to teach him. Motive is important here. As a Muslim
parent, your motive should be to help your child.
3 PRESENT SHOULD
PRESENT A UNITED FRONT
Parents should discuss their strategy for training and
disciplining their children and agree to work together as a team. If children
realize that one parent is strict and the other is easy, they will play the
parents against each other. When the strict parent stops them from doing
something, they will go ask the easy parent for permission. Both parents need
to tell the child the same thing. If parents sometimes disagree on how to
discipline the child, they should discuss it privately, not in front of the
children.
Further Reading: Things which shaytaan flees from
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The Supportive Spouse
4. BE CONSISTENT
Most experts on children agree that parents should be
consistent. Constantly changing the rules and expectations will only confuse
your child. If you stop him from writing on the walls today, and you allow him
to write on the walls tomorrow, he will not understand when you get angry the
next time he writes on the walls. If you inconsistently apply the rules, he
will also test you at times to see whether you are going to be tough this time
or easy. If, however, he knows from experience that you always stop him the
first time, he will quickly learn it does no good to try to get away with
something. Although consistency is essential, it does not mean that parents
cannot change their minds about the rules. If you do change the rules, however,
you must inform your child in advance so that he will know what to expect. This
failure to be consistent is at the root of many parents’ inability to control
their children.
5. NEVER LIE TO YOUR
CHILDREN
If you lie to them “every now and then,” they may not
believe you when you tell them the truth. This also applies to those situations
when you tell your child to stop doing something, or you will put him in his
room, spank him, or take away his toys. If you make that kind of a threat, you
must stick with it. Otherwise, you have lied, and your child will not know when
you are serious and when you are not. He will then be forced to test you again
and again to see.
6. DON’T REWARD
CRYING
If children realize that every time they cry, they get what
they want, crying will become like money for them. Every time they want
something, they will cry. On the other hand, if you teach them that crying
doesn’t get them anything, they will stop crying for things. Let them cry and
cry and cry, but don’t give in. In the beginning, it will be difficult, but be
patient. Once they learn the lesson and stop crying for everything, you will be
happy that you were firm. You can either listen to crying for a few days or for
the rest of your life. It’s your choice.
8. TEACH YOUR
CHILD TO APOLOGIZE WHEN HE DOES SOMETHING WRONG
This is important so that he will learn what is expected of
him from others and from Allah (SubhaanahuWaTa'ala). If he does something
wrong, he should ask forgiveness from Allah (SubhaanahuWaTa'ala) and apologize
to any people who were hurt by his words or actions. This will be useful in
developing his conscience.
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8. ACCEPT CHILD’S
APOLOGY
Be quick to excuse your child when he apologizes and shows
that he is sorry for his disobedience or bad actions. When we do wrong, we seek
forgiveness from Allah (Subhaanahu Wa Ta'ala) and want to be excused. Likewise,
we should excuse others. This will develop in your child a sense of mercy and
prepare him for an understanding of the forgiveness of Allah (Subhaanahu Wa
Ta'ala). Always make it clear to the child that you love him, especially after
he has been in trouble and apologized. Let him understand that no bad feelings
remain.
9. APOLOGIZE FOR
YOUR MISTAKES
Don’t be too proud to apologize to your child when you make
mistakes. This will establish in him a belief in your sense of justice and
prevent him from viewing you as nothing but a tyrant.
Teach Islam
From an Early Age
Teach your child from an early age about Allah, the
Prophets, the Sahaba, and the great heroes of Islam. If we develop in them a
love for Islam and provide them with righteous examples for their heroes, they
will be much less likely to go astray. A person wants to be like his heroes. If
he admires Prophet Muhammad, Abu Bakr, and Ali, he will try to follow their
example. If he admires a rock star or a gang leader, he will want to be like
them. If we inspire our children with good examples, when they are tempted to
do wrong, they will, InshaAllah, remember these examples and remain steadfast.
Although I was raised as a Christian and didn’t embrace
Islam until I was in my 20s, I was greatly influenced by the Biblical stories
of Prophets like Nuh, Ibrahim, Musa, and Isa (peace be upon them all). Although
the Biblical stories were not in their pure form, they still inculcated in me a
love and respect for the way of the Prophets. Although I fell into many of the
temptations of youth, Alhamdulillah, I always felt something within me holding
me back from going too far. While many of my friends went headlong into a
highly destructive way of life, I believe that my knowledge of, and affection
for, the Prophets helped me to return to a better path.
11. INSTRUCT IN GOOD
MORALS
Teach your child good morals and good manners. An excellent
book for this is Islamic Tahdhib and Akhlaq: Theory and Practice, by B. Aisha
Lemu.
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the effects of stress
12. DISCIPLINE
YOUR CHILD
Discipline should not become the domain of one parent.
Mothers and fathers should both participate in the disciplining of their
children. Although mothers often threaten their children by telling them that
they will get into trouble when their father gets home, this method is not very
useful for three reasons.
First, discipline should be carried out immediately after
the disobedience occurs so that the child will connect the disobedience with
its consequences. If parents wait until later, the child may have forgotten why
he got into trouble, and feel that the parents are not justified in
disciplining him.
Second, sometimes the child must be stopped immediately, and
the mother cannot wait until the father gets home. The child must be taught to
respond immediately to her commands as well as his father’s.
Third, making one parent responsible for disciplining the
child may turn that parent into the “bad guy” in the child’s eyes. The child
should recognize that both parents agree on their methods of disciplining him.
Although the degree to which various parents use them will vary, the following
five methods might be used for disciplining your children.
(a) Putting your child in the bedroom. When the child is
disobeying, he should first be warned that you are going to put him in the
bedroom if he doesn’t obey. If he continues to disobey, take him to the room immediately.
Do not keep repeating warnings. For smaller children, you will probably have to
sit in the room with them; for older children, they can sit alone. If they are
crying or yelling, don’t let them come out until they stop. Also, teach them
that they need to apologize before you let them out. If they apologize, show
your happiness and quick acceptance.
For those children who whine and cry for everything, it is
good to teach them that they will be sent to the bedroom when they whine and
cry. They should not be allowed to whine and cry in the living room where they
will disturb others. Once children learn that when they whine and cry, they
will be sent to the bedroom, the whining and crying should decrease
dramatically. Although it may take a long time for some children to stop crying
and apologize, the parent must not give in. The child should feel that every
time he persists in disobedience, he will be the loser. This method, if done
correctly and consistently, should dramatically affect your child.
(b) Showing your disappointment. If you have established a
good relationship with your child, your disappointment with him will have a
great impact on him. If he does something you don’t like, and you tell him you
are angry with him and show him that you are not going to play and joke with
him because of his actions, he will probably feel bad and apologize. This works
especially well when several family members show disappointment with the
child’s actions.
(c) Withholding privileges. Not letting the child go out to
play, ride his bicycle, or use his skates, for example. Threats to do this are
useful only if the child believes you.
(d) Giving rewards. These could be compliments, sweets,
toys, or anything else that your child likes. When your child is rewarded for
doing good, he is likely to do good again. After some time, his habit will be
to do good. Two words of caution, however. First, rewards should not become
bribes. You should not tell your child, “If you obey me, I will take you for
ice cream.” Rewards should be spontaneous on your part to show your
appreciation for your child’s actions. They should not be expected by the
child. You should say, “Since you have been such a good boy today, I’m going to
take you for ice cream.” Second, you should be careful that your relationship
with your child does not become a marketplace where he expects to get a reward
from you for everything he does. As the child gets older, he will not need to
be given material rewards as often, although you should continue to let him know
that you appreciate his good behavior. You should, however, teach him that even
though he doesn’t always receive a reward from you for his good actions, he
might receive one from Allah (Subhaanahu Wa Ta'ala).
(e) Spanking. This is the most controversial aspect of
discipline. Some parents feel that it is wrong to spank children because it
teaches them that violence is the answer or that “might makes right.” Others go
too far in the other direction and believe that unbridled beating of their
children is okay. Some parents slap their children in the face, beat them on
the hand, or twist their ears. These methods should, however, be avoided.
Slapping in the face humiliates the child, and beating on the hand or twisting
the ear could cause permanent physical damage to the child. Of course, it
should also be clear that such things as burning or starving children, making
them drink hot sauce, or other such harsh punishments should never be used. I
personally use only two physical methods for disciplining my children: light
slaps on the hand when the child is using his hands to do something wrong and
spanking the child on his buttocks in a way that is not permanently harmful but
that only causes some stinging. If the other methods of discipline are used
wisely, a parent should rarely have to resort to physical discipline at all.
However, sometimes it may be necessary. If done with mercy and justice and in
the best interest of the child, it should not be considered as violent or
abusive. When children grow up, they will be held accountable for their
actions. In some cases, the punishments they face for wrongdoing will be
severe. To teach them right from wrong now, even by spanking or lightly
slapping their hand, will help them avoid these problems later in life. Hammudah
Abd al Ati writes in The Family Structure in Islam:
“. . . [T]he Prophet urged parents
to demand that their children begin practicing the regular daily prayers by the
age of seven. If the children do not start the practice by the age of ten, they
should be disciplined by physical means — without causing them harm or injury,
of course — only to show disapproval of their behavior.” (p. 199)
If parents follow these principles consistently, they should
see a dramatic improvement in their children in a short time. If, however, the
children have been allowed to run the house for a long time, and the parents
have given up their authority, it will take longer for the children to get used
to the new rules. Although the various methods of discipline are important and
will help you to control your children and force them to do what you say, you
will not always be with them as they begin to grow, and, thus, the penalties
and consequences from you will not concern them. Ideally, as you discipline
your children you will also develop their conscience and their knowledge of
right and wrong. Teaching them good morals and manners and instilling in them a
love for Allah, the Prophets, the Sahaba, and the great heroes of Islam should
help them to do good even when you are not around. The attainment of
self-discipline and a concern for doing righteousness whether they are with
others or alone is the true goal of childrearing. The afore-mentioned
techniques are merely means to achieve this end.
Further
Reading
Top ten excuses of Muslim women who don't wear hijaab and
their obvious weaknesses
Reward only from Allah
Scientists on the Quran
Thankfulness towards Allah
References https://mypqs.blogspot.com/2009/02/12-tips-for-childrearing.html by Ibrahim 
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