Avoid 70 Major Sins[1] - Series No 9 of 70
Abandoning Relatives In Islam { Severing the Ties of One's Relatives}
Introduction
Allah, the Most High, says,
O mankind, fear Your Lord, who created you from one soul and created from it its mate and dispersed from both of them many men and women. And fear Allah , through whom you ask one another, and the wombs. Indeed Allah is ever, over you, an Observer. (An-Nisa': 1)
The Qur'an also states,
So would you perhaps, if you turned away, cause corruption on earth and sever your [ties of] relationship?
Those [who do so] are the ones that Allah has cursed, so He deafened them and blinded their vision.
(Muhammad: 22-23)
Allah, the Almighty, says,
Those who fulfill the covenant of Allah and do not break the contract,
And those who join that which Allah has ordered to be joined and fear their Lord and are afraid of the evil of [their] account, (Ar-Ra'd: 20-21)
Allah, the Most High, says,
Indeed, Allah is not timid to present an example - that of a mosquito or what is smaller than it. And those who have believed know that it is the truth from their Lord. But as for those who disbelieve, they say, "What did Allah intend by this as an example?" He misleads many thereby and guides many thereby. And He misleads not except the defiantly disobedient,
Who break the covenant of Allah after contracting it and sever that which Allah has ordered to be joined and cause corruption on earth. It is those who are the losers.
{He causes many to stray, and many He leads into the right path,. But He causes not to stray, except those who forsake (the path), those who break Allah's covenant after it is ratified, and who sunder what Allah has ordered to be joined, and do mischief on earth: Those cause loss only to themselves.} (Al-Baqarah: 26-27)
The Prophet (SAW) said,
"He who severs his family ties will not enter Paradise.”[2]
Thus, whoever abandons his relatives, is proud over them and disdains to support the needy if he is rich is included in this punishment unless he repents to Allah the Most Exalted and treats them well.
It was related that the Messenger of Allah (SAW) said,
"Whoever has feeble kins and does not treat them well and pays his charity to others and neglects them, Allah does not accept his charity and will not look to him on the Day of Judgment.”[3]
But whoever is poor should keep good terms with them, visit them and be heedful of them.
The Prophet (SAW) said,
"Wet your wombs (relationships) even by just greeting.” [4]
The Prophet also said,
"Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day should have a link with his kins.”[5]
"A person who reciprocates in doing good is not the one who joins his blood relations generously,' but he is one who joins with his blood relations when they cut with him.”[6]
"Allah Almighty says, "I am the Merciful and it is the womb i.e. blood relation. I will hold by him who hold by it; and I will cut asunder from him who cuts asunder from it.”[7]
Ali Ibn AI-Husain, may Allah be pleased with him, said to his son, "O son do not befriend he who severs the ties of his kins since I have found him cursed in Allah's Book three times."
One day, Abu Hurairah, May Allah be pleased with him, sat to deliver a lesson about the people's tradition?
Then, he said, "I hope that anyone of you who severs the ties of his kins to leave us." A young man sitting at the end of the circle left. The young man went forward to his aunt whom he did not visit for years and reconciled her. His aunt asked him: "Why did you come, my nephew?" He said, "When I sat to listen from Abu Hurairah, the prophet's companion, he said, "I hope anyone of you who severs the ties of his kills to leave us." Then, his aunt asked him to go back to Abu Hurairah to ask him about the reason. Thereupon, Abu Hurairah answered: "I heard the Messenger of Allah (SAW) saying, "Mercy is not showed upon a group of people among them is someone who severs the ties of his kins.”5 Once, a wealthy man when traveling to at the Sacred House in Mecca to perform Hajj (pilgrimage), deposited one hundred thousand Dinars to a trusty and righteous man until he returned from' Arafat. Having stood on Arafat, he returned to Mecca to find that the man was dead. He asked the deceased family for his money. But they knew nothing about the money. Accordingly, he explained the plight to the scholars of Mecca who then told him to approach the Zamzam well at midnight and then call upon the man.
If he answered you the first time you called, he was among the people of Paradise. But the man went back to them after doing what they said with no response. Thereupon, they said, "To Allah we belong and to Him is our return."
The man might be of the people of Fire. Thus, you have to go to Yemen where there is a well-called
Barhut. It is said that this well is at the mouth of the Hell, and call upon the man at midnight. Therein, if he is among the people of Fire he will answer you- Having arrived in Yemen and approaching the well, he called upon the man and the man responded. He asked him about the wealth. He told him that he had buried it in such and such a place. Thus, you could go there and dig to regain your wealth. Then, he asked him why he was in such a (horrible) place though we thought good of you?" He said, "I had a poor sister whom I abandoned and did not treat her well. Thereby, Allah punished me because of her."
This is shown in the Prophet's hadith,
"He who severs the ties of his family will not enter Paradise.”[8]
- Rights of Muslims’ relatives[9]
Besides parents' rights, a great emphasis is also laid on the rights of other relatives. In Islamic terms, Silah-Rahimi is used to denote 'good treatment towards the relatives'.
In the Qur'an, where the Muslims are enjoined to show kindness to parents, they are also required to treat the other relatives with love and sympathy and to pay due regard to their rights as well.
As it was related in a Hadith, the foremost claim on a person is that of his mother, then of his father, and then grade by grade, of the other relatives. Therefore through relationship, the relatives' rights come after those of the parents.
Allah has declared, "I am Allah, I am Ar-Rahman (The Merciful), I have created the bond of kinship and named it Rahim,-which I have derived from the root of my name of Rahman. Thus, whoever shall join it (i.e. Rahim), I shall join him, and whoever will break it, I shall break him."
The Almighty has designed the system of birth in such a way, that whoever is born is tied to the bonds of kinship-and these bonds carry certain claims and rights. Thus, whoever fulfils these claims, by being kind to his relatives and treating them well, Allah will "join him" i.e. He will make him His own and bestow His favour and mercy on him. And whosoever will violate these claims, Allah will "break him" i.e. He will have nothing to do with him.
1.2 Fulfilling the rights of relatives
It is related by Anas (R.A.) that Prophet Muhammad (SAW) said, "Whoever wants an increase in his sustenance and that the marks of his feet remain for a long time in the world (i.e. to live long) - he should be kind and helpful to his relatives."
Basically, there are two ways of being kind and considerate to relatives. One is by giving them monetary assistance, when needed, and the other is by devoting a part of one's time and energy to their service.
Family quarrels, which generally arise from the disregard of the relatives' rights, affect a man's health and make it difficult for him to concentrate on his work. Those who treat their relatives well and are helpful to them are free from tensions of this kind and they are happier and more peaceful.
1.3 Violation of relatives' rights
The Prophet (SAW) has said: "Whoever violates the rights of relatives shall not go to Paradise." This Hadith, alone, should be enough to make us realise the importance of Silah-Rahimi. It shows that the violation of the relatives' rights is so detested by Allah, that with its filthiness, no one can enter Paradise. It is only when a person (believer) has received his punishment or has been forgiven, that the gates of Paradise will be opened for him.
1.4 Showing kindness to those who severe relations
Often, there are people who care little for the bonds of relationship and are rude and unjust in this respect. The Prophet (SAW) has enjoined us to continue to treat them well and fulfil the obligations, irrespective of what they do and how they behave.
Abdullah ibn Umar (R.A.) relates from the Prophet (SAW), "He does not fulfil the claim of Silah-Rahimi who shows no kindness in return for the kindness shown to him... The person who really fulfils the claim is he who treats his relatives well even when they are mean and unjust to him."
When the violation of the rights of relatives is returned in a similar manner, the evil will spread in the society -- while if it is returned with kindness, it may lead to their correction and it will assist in the promotion of Silah-Rahimi, in the life of the community.
1.5 RIGHTS OF RELATIVES[10]
A Muslim is required to maintain a good relationship with his relatives. In Islamic terms, 'Silah-Rahimi' is used to denote 'good treatment towards the relatives'.
In the Qur'an Allah Ta'ala advices us:"Give your relatives their due…" (17:26)
"Allah commands justice, kindness and giving to near relatives…." (16:90)
"…And show kindness to your parents and to near relatives…" (4:36)
"Allah commands justice, kindness and giving to near relatives…." (16:90)
"…And show kindness to your parents and to near relatives…" (4:36)
The sayings of Allah's Messenger Muhammad (Peace be upon him) are replete with virtues of joining the ties of relations and helping relatives. We are encouraged to visit our relatives, inquire about their circumstance, spend on them, give them sadaqa (voluntary charity) if they are poor, assist them in any reasonable way and the most important is to show love and affection to them.
In the Holy Quraan, where the Muslims are enjoined to show kindness to parents, they are also required to treat other relatives with love and sympathy and to pay due regard to their rights as well.
In the Holy Quraan, where the Muslims are enjoined to show kindness to parents, they are also required to treat other relatives with love and sympathy and to pay due regard to their rights as well.
The foremost claim on a person is that of his mother, then of his father, and then grade by grade, of the other relatives. Therefore through relationship, the relatives' rights come after that of the parents.
Allah has declared, "I am Allah, I am Ar-Rahman (The Merciful), I have created the bond of kinship and named it Rahim,-which I have derived from the root of my name of Rahman.
Thus, whoever, shall join it (ie. Rahim), I shall join him, and whoever will break it, I shall break him."
The Almighty has designed the system of birth in such a way, that whoever is born, is tied to the bonds of kinship-and these bonds carry certain claims and rights. Thus, whoever fufills these claims, by being kind to his relatives and treating them well, Allah will "join him" i.e. He will make him His own and bestow His favour and mercy on him. And whosoever will violate these claims, Allah will "break him" i.e. He will have nothing to do with him.
1.6 FULFILLING THE RIGHTS OF RELATIVES
It is related by Anas (R.A.) that the Allah's Messenger Muhammad [Peace be upon him] said "Whoever wants an increase in his sustenance and that the marks of his feet remain for a long time in the world (i.e. to live long) - he should be kind and helpful to his relatives."
A man asked: O Messenger of Allaah (SAW), I have relatives with whom I maintain ties of relations, yet they cut-off from me. I treat them kindly, yet they treat me in an evil manner. And I am forbearing and patient with them, yet they behave rudely and ignorantly towards me. The Prophet Muhammad( Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam) said: "If the situation is as you say, then it is as if you are filling their mouths with sand. And Allaah will continue to aid and support you as long as you continue doing what you are doing."(HADITH)
As we know, Islam enjoins us not only to be good to those who are good to us, but also to be good to those who are not good to us. This shows exemplary moral character according to the standard of Islam.
And the most important aspect of fulfilling the rights of relatives….It is a means to Allah's happiness!!!!!!!!!!
SOME PRACTICAL TIPS TO PROMOTE FAMILY RELATIONS:
1) Visit them often- don't wait for "occasions" e.g. deaths, naming ceremony, marriages etc
2) Invite them home
3) Always show love even if your relatives do not do the same.
4) Always make dua [pray] for them
5) Give them gifts- Spend on them according to your means.
6) Help them in need and sympathise with them on sad occasions
7) Share happy moments and occasions with them
8) Avoid backbiting- It's the main cause of friction
9) Always talk positively about them and don't look down upon them
10) Occasionally give them a call to enquire about their welfare
11) Don't compete with them in material pursuits.
12) Always be a well-wisher of your Relatives
13) Plan ways to improve and strengthen relations.
14) etc
2.0 Question: Is it permissible for Muslim prisoners to feed non-Muslims or to be their friends?[11]
A Muslim should treat people with kindness or courtesy, whether inside the jail or outside it, inside Islamic countries or outside them. As Allah sent the Prophet (SAW) to teach perfect morals. The man who behaves well, reaches the rank of a person is fasting and praying qiyaam.
The first blessing for whom behaves well is, that the closed door of hearts are opened for him, also souls shall be friendly again to him so they will listen to him and appreciate his method as well as his call. Consequently, this shall be a way aimed for these souls to accept Islam and to favor judgment in it at least without opposing it.
Whereas, Allah the Great and Almighty has ordained to treat peaceful non-Muslims with charity, beneficence and justice. Because He has said, {Allah forbids you not, with regard to those who fight you not for (your) Faith nor drive you out of your homes, from dealing kindly and justly with them: for Allah loveth those who are just}, Sura Al-Mumtahinah. Allah and His Prophet (SAW) have advised us of the rights of neighbors even if they were not Muslims. Because Allah has said, {Serve Allah, and join not any partners with Him; and do good to parents, kinsfolk, orphans, those in need, neighbors who are near neighbors who are strangers, the companion by your side, the way-farer (ye meet) and what your right hands possess: for Allah loveth not the arrogant, the vainglorious}. In some interpretations, a neighbor who is near neighbors is a non-Muslim neighbor.
Moreover, all of us know the story of the Jewish who used to harm the Prophet (SAW). Whereas, the Prophet (SAW) was treating him gently and kindly. He never treated him badly in return for his mistreatment, which consequently was the cause of his becoming Muslim.
Therefore, we advise behaving well, because they (non-Muslims) have the right of neighborhood and the right of calling them to Islam. The right of neighborhood requires treating them well. And the right of calling them to Islam requires putting up with them, having willingness to please them and reconciling their hearts through treating them well and excusing and forgiving their faults. What a generous man! Who said, "Be kind to people and you will capture their hearts" "how often has kindness made people treat you like a master"
There is no contradiction between what we have said and loyalty/supporting which Allah has granted only to people of Islam. The prohibited loyalty is quite different from good attitude which is enjoined and is duty. Therefore, it is all right feed non-Muslim companions in the jail. Because in every living being there is reward. It is all right to treat them well in order to reconcile their hearts to Islam and to bring them over to earn the love of Allah and his Prophet (SAW).
Referring to the friendship that you have mentioned, if it means to have a good attitude in treatment, so its rule has been mentioned above. However, Allah and His Prophet (SAW) have forbidden and prohibited it if its means was beyond that, by taking not into your intimacy those outside your ranks, especially close companions. As you may reveal your secrets to them, feel at ease with their consultation concerning your affairs, with the exclusion of the rest of Muslims.
3.0 Conclusion
Allah (SWT) has given more instructions in the Quran about the family life than any other matter since the stability of the family life is the most important thing in the eyes of Allah (SWT). This un-Islamic behavior of some mothers and their harassment towards their husband is very destructive. It decreases the reward of such mothers with Allah (SWT) for the various services they have rendered to the family. Some mothers realize their mistake in the later part of their lives when they are caught up in the problems originated by them. It is too late to mend the damage since the destruction is done. The children whom they love are the biggest losers.
While we do all this with a deep sense of gratitude and with an eye toward the rewards in the Hereafter, it is also important to remember that good or bad behavior toward the parents also brings its rewards and punishments in this world. Those who bring sorrow to their parents will see sorrow themselves and those who bring joy to them will see joy themselves in this life.
May Allah guide you and me to be sincere in our intentions and to perfect our deeds!
May Allah guide you and me to the straightforward path, for He is Most Bounteous, Most Generous? Praise be to Allah the Lord of all worlds.
May Allah bless our Prophet Muhammad, his family and all his Companions!
We ask Allaah to make us and you steadfast.
Assembled by Abba Abana, FCE
Dated 19th February 2013
[1] Did you download or photocopied ‘’Avoid 70 Major Sins’’ series 1 - 7 and 8? In Shaa Allahu, Our planned mission is to get all 70 Major Sins separately/sequentially via email to brothers/sisters for their archives/families/friends etc.
[9] Written by Mufti Ismail Menk Friday, 04 June 2010- Mufti Ismail Menk holds Shariah degree on the four Mazhabs from the Islamic University of Madinah and is currently the Imam of the largest Masjid in Zimbabwe.
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